Sunday, January 8, 2023

February 1st, 2048: Electronic Drug Sponsors Finally Allowed in Nascar

After numerous legal challenges and a multi-month standoff with one of the sport’s biggest teams, Nascar has finally relented and will allow electronic drug companies to sponsor cars in its four national touring series this season.

“This has not been an easy path, but we’re proud to say we’ve reached our destination”, said Joe Beeson, Chief Marketing Officer for Teknik, the world’s leading electronic drug.  “We will have our logos displayed across the number 31 Chevrolet Caprice race car this year, and it will no doubt help us promote our safe form of electronic enjoyment to consenting adults.”

So-called “e-drugs” have been a lightning rod of controversy since they boomed in popularity several years ago after the Antarctic War.  Radio, television, and holographic media have all banned their advertisement, limiting their promotional activities to the sports world.

“This isn’t about controversy, this is about freedom”, explained team owner Bonnie Milan.  “We just want to make adults 21 and older aware that they can use Teknik responsibly to take themselves on brief, mind-altering mental vacations—and watch the 31 Chevy tear up the track at Daytona, Bristol, and the New Jersey Street Course.”

“We’ve already seen great returns since our major promotional blitz began two years ago”, CMO Beeson said.  “From our sponsorship of Major League Parkour to obtaining naming rights to Teknik Field, home of the Nashville Orioles, we’re showing the world that if you can’t compete as a major leaguer, you can at least party like one, all within the confines of your own brain.”

Nascar clarified that any teams with e-drug sponsorship will be forced to devote at least 20% of the paint scheme to responsible electric-tripping messages, as well as not allowing its drivers to talk in commercials.

IN OTHER NEWS: Kevin Harvick’s “Hair” Celebrates 50th Birthday NEW! updated four times weekly

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