Now that Matt Kenseth has announced he's leaving Roush-Fenway Racing after this season, speculation has turned to what team he'll be going to for 2013. Meanwhile, obsessives everywhere want to know what the chances are that Matt "No Nickname" Kenseth is going to their favorite team. Here, Spade Racing Analytics gives you the odds (from best chance to worst) on where Wisconsin's finest is going next year--with some real-life comparisons.
Joe Gibbs Racing--JGR seems to be the early favorite for reasons nobody really knows. Gibbs is a sponsor-magnet, and produces hundreds of motors every season, some of which actually don't blow up. It remains to be seen if he'd go to the current #20 car, or if he'd get his own fourth team (with a bunch of old Jason Leffler stuff, but still).
Kenseth Quip: "From baseball owners to a football owner, we'd better score a touchdown"
Odds: 3:1 Equal to chances of me: …getting brand-new tires for my car, then getting a flat within two weeks.
Mystery New Dodge Team--Rumors abound that Michael Andretti is looking to move into Nascar, working off his success in moving to Formula 1…wait, scratch that. Matt would probably feel right at home, with an owner who has a racing background and a personality that people generally don't like. He also brings his valuable Past Champions Provisional to the table, aka "Doing a Texas Terry".
Kenseth Quip: "Any new team has some obstacles to DODGE, but we're going to RAM ahead"
Odds: 5:1 Equal to chances of me: …succeeding in my diet plans to avoid having a "Foyt-like" physique when I'm 40.
Penske Racing--Roger Penske has the money, the power, and the resources to either put Kenseth in the 22 car or a revived 77 car, carrying on the great traditions of Sam Hornish Jr. and Travis Kvapil. With Penske moving back to Ford, however, Matt might want to go to a team that won't be embroiled in a boring, pointless war of words with his old boss (just look how it turned out for Yates).
Kenseth Quip: "I'm joining Bad Brad to be Mad Matt"
Odds: 8:1 Equal to chances of me: …seeing the Baltimore Orioles win a World Series in my lifetime (yeah, they won one in '83, but I was 1 year old at the time and far more interested in my own spit).
Stewart-Haas Racing--The defending champs may have a ride open in the 39 car if additionally sponsorship can't be found for Ryan Newman. Then again, he and Matt basically have the same damn personality, so its not like the money would start pouring in immediately. Also, Smoke might just decide to move up the 10 car full time, if only he could find a driver for it.
Kenseth Quip: "GoDaddy? More like GoGRANDDaddy in a few years"
Odds: 10:1 Equal to chances of me: …making it through a whole ESPN Nascar Live chat without making a Jeremy Mayfield joke.
Earnhardt-Ganassi Racing with Felix Sabates--The Long Name Legends could be getting impatient with Juan Pablo Montoya, who has yet to come through on the massive promise he had when he came to Nascar (well, except in constantly pissing people off). Also, Target could be looking for a more "Middle America" face for their brand, along with their 451 associate sponsors.
Kenseth Quip: "Looks like I got the bullseye on my back"
Odds: 15:1 Equal to chances of me: …finishing my action-movie screenplay, "Tetris The Motion Picture".
Michael Waltrip Racing--Nascar's hottest team (in that they've won a race) has said that their infrastructure can handle a fourth team, and Michael Waltrip has proven to be one of the best sponsor recruiters in the sport. Thankfully he found his true calling after decades trying to be someone he's not (you know, like a racer, a broadcaster, a likable guy, a sober driver, etc.). No word on if Mark Martin would be OK with this, since Matt still asks him "Hey, aren't you supposed to be retired?" every week.
Kenseth Quip: "(In Ricky Ricardo Voice) Vickers! You got some 'splain' to do!")
Odds: 25:1 Equal to chances of me: …fulfilling my lifelong dream of punching Joe Theismann in the face.
Richard Childress Racing--I'm sure that "RC" would love to get his fourth team going again, but right now this team has greater things to worry about. Like, finally setting up an intervention to stop the Dillon Bros. from wearing any more cowboy hats. Not to mention the fact that Jeff Burton's unlikely to be fired, for reasons nobody really understands.
Kenseth Quip: "Finally I might be able to meet The Menards Guy"
Odds: 50:1 Equal to chances of me: …getting Delaware to make Stock Car Racing the Official State Motorsport (replacing the more popular "Nothing").
Richard Petty Motorsports--Its unlikely that this team expands beyond two teams, and its connections to Roush and Ford would be enough to make Kenseth think twice. But just think, Matt, about all the great stories The King could tell you, like the time he won at Raleigh lapping the field, or the time he won at Raleigh lapping the field. (Yes, I'm assuming that Matt Kenseth is reading this).
Kenseth Quip: "From the Cat in the Hat to The King in the Hat"
Odds: 100:1 Equal to chances of me: …confirming that Matt Kenseth actually reads my website.
Some Single Car Team--The Furniture Rows and JTG-Daughterys of the world probably don't have a real good shot at landing a former champion. Then again, just look at Bobby Labonte. Then again again, looking at Bobby Labonte would probably be enough to make Kenseth reconsider.
Matt Kenseth quip: "What the hell happened?"
Odds: 1,000:1 Equal to chances of me: …publishing a book and having someone not named "Mackler" buy it.
Roush-Fenway Racing--We still have to include them, even though Matt Kenseth's mind is probably already filled with dreams of no more lame NHRA stories.
Matt Kenseth quip: "Haha fooled you!"
Odds: 100,000:1 Equal to chances of me: …seeing Miss Sprint Cup naked and not getting arrested for it.