Nascar Criticized for “Dusty Finish” at Pocono


Nascar officials have been getting more than their fair share of criticism for how their race was booked on Sunday, with scores of experts bashing the use of an ambiguous “Dusty Finish” at Pocono.

“Its, ah, finishes like this that, um, show how bankrupt Nascar is on the, uh, creative side of things”, said pundit Don Beltzer, longtime publisher of the Pro Racing Observer.  “There’s, uh, no way things will get back to, ah, how Nascar was in its prime, unless, uh, they return to running exhibition races in, ah, Japan.”

The term “Dusty Finish” (named after frequent user Dusty Rhodes), refers to a race or match that ends one way, only for that result to be overturned soon afterwards.  The usage of “Dusty Finishes” has been criticized for years by the Internet Motorsports Community.

“This is worse than those Indy 500 finishes that took months to decide”, said NascarInsider writer Mark Johnston.  “You can’t insult the fans’ intelligence like this by disqualifying a driver only AFTER most of the fans have left the track.  I mean, this isn’t the 90’s where you were trying to drive fans to the Nascar 1-900 line for scoops.”

The final decision—which stripped the win from Denny Hamlin and second place from teammate Kyle Busch—has been roundly mocked by numerous fans and experts.

“I haven’t seen anything like this since Emmanuel Zervakis in 1960”, said longtime racing wag Will Bapter.  “I don’t want to cast too many aspersions here, but its moves like this that allow conspiracy theories to form.”

When reached for comment, Nascar would not confirm or deny that the race win had been “held up” and would be fought for in a ladder match at Michigan.



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UNCLE MAX vs. REPEAT WINNERS vs. THE ROULETTE WHEEL: Indy



Well I gotta keep this one pretty short—I got my annual review coming up at work in a few hours!  The district manager is here and the regional manager will be patched-in via Zoom to go over what I’ve done over the past twelve months.  This could mean a promotion, a raise, both…or nothing.  Wish me luck!


Friday Night TRUCK SERIES T Sport 200: Ben Rhodes—note that this race is at LORP, not IMS.


Saturday Afternoon XFINITY SERIES Pennzoil 150 (5 wins): AJ Allmendinger—always a good choice at Indy.


Sunday CUP SERIES Verizon 200: LAST RACE’S WINNER picks Chase Elliott.  THE ROULETTE WHEEL picks 28th in points Brad Keselowski.  FAVORITE (2 wins): Ross Chastain—putting controversy behind him, or punting Denny out of the way?  NEXT FAVORITE (2 wins): Kyle Larson—challenging his teammate for the regular season title (whatever THAT’S worth).  DARK HORSE (2 wins): Aric Almirola—shades of Kasey Kahne winning near the end of his career.



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Spade Racing Opens a Box of 2022 Donruss Nascar Cards, Pack 10 of 24



Join us (well, me) as we/I go through a box of 2022 Donruss Nascar Cards.  New teams, new drivers, new subsets, and of course some corny commentary by me.


Pack 10—Under the Lights, Untrue News Bites, and Other Delights


FIRST LOOK:
Here we see one of the 199 red Dale Jr. “Under the Lights” 2022 Donruss cards in existence.  And you thought your day wasn’t going to be fulfilling!


TO THE BACK:
If his parents were the first to go to college, then how does it “run in the family?”  My parents were the first in our lineage to own a computer—does that mean that I own an iMac because “it runs in the family”?


SAY WHAT:
“…call now to win the can of Monster Energy I’m holding.  Just, please, don’t be creepy about it.”


RATING: 5 associate sponsors out of 10



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SPAD(3) RACING DEBUTS “UNBREAKABLE CAR”


With NASCAR Cup focusing more on short-tracks and road courses than ever, teams have begun putting more resources into developing more robust and sturdy race cars.  Special Protective Advance Defense Department Detachment (SPAD3) Racing is at the forefront of this movement, today unveiling a so-called “unbreakable car”.

First prototype of the
"unbreakable car"

“We’re really proud with what we’ve been able to do here”, said fabricator Brian Oates.  “We really started with a ‘blank sheet of paper’ and asked ourselves—what would you do if you could create a car from the ground up, within regulations, that could withstand being slammed into at Martinsville, hopping a curb at the Roval, or being shot at by counter-intelligence from Europe?  Well, this is the result.”

The new race car, which the team hopes to get approval for by the following month, can be crashed into, punted into walls, or lit on fire by freedom fighters without much of a reduction in performance.

“The secret—well, not really THE secret—but rather the key point is the types of metals we used”, said team community relations director Michael Hamilton, “and we’re proud to say that more than 50% of them are recycled.  Who knew that decommissioned weapons would make such great sheetmetal, huh?”

While Hamilton was rushed off-site by half a dozen men in suits and sunglasses, engineer Oates admitted that there were several drawbacks to the design.

“Obviously the issue we had was the cost involved—you couldn’t just make 20-something cars like teams do now”, Oates said.  “But we feel that while the initial investment would be pretty high, the cost-savings benefits would be huge over an entire season.  So we think our ideas will be VERY persuasive while talking to NASCAR higher-ups.”


Visit SPAD3.com for more info


The Chicago Street Course: A Closer Look



As you no doubt saw, earlier this week Nascar announced that next year, the Cup Series will be running on a city street course for the first time ever.  Here’s a closer look at some of the details of this historic upcoming race:


—The race will be held in Chicago, a city currently home to four franchises in the “Big Four” sports leagues.  And the Bears.


—Speaking of the Bears (and not just about terrible football), Nascar once ran a race INSIDE the team’s home of Soldier Field.  To be fair this was in the stadium’s first much-larger iteration, before it was reduced in size for the NFL, and later had a giant spaceship added-on for seating.


—The race will be held throughout Grant Park, Chicago’s most-famous (and popular) public open space.  For comparison, it would be like holding a race in New York’s Central Park, only much much much MUCH less expensive.


—For those of you who’ve read the press release and are wondering, YES: “Buckingham Fountain” IS the fountain from the opening of “Married With Children”.


—Arguably the biggest variable in the ongoing success of this race will be the ability to pass on the course, which (if too difficult) may result in “IndyCar at Nashville”-levels of crashing.


—This is just the latest in a number of innovative schedule changes that have been spearheaded by France family scion Ben Kennedy, or as my brain keeps reading his name, Bennedy.


—No matter what happens, even if we get a three-hour long follow-the-leader procession of a race, at least it won’t be a four-hour long follow-the-leader procession of a race at Chicagoland Speedway.


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UNCLE MAX vs. REPEAT WINNERS vs. THE ROULETTE WHEEL: Pocono



Yuck.  Its never fun being sick, but its even worse being sick in the summer.  Sitting inside with the curtains drawn to keep the temperature (and the electric bill) down is NOT my idea of fun.

And of course once I started to feel better, I had to go back into work and clean up all the little disasters that happened while I was gone.  I tell ya—its hard to get better when you’re dealing with an employee who quit, a mystery delivery, and multiple customers trying to return items after the deadline.  But hey, I guess that’s why I’m paid to do what I do—lord knows I can’t be paid to pick Truck Series races.


Saturday Early Afternoon TRUCK SERIES CRC 150: John Hunter Nemechek—trying again to get my first win this year in Trucks!


Saturday Late Afternoon XFINITY SERIES Explore the Poconos 225 (4 wins): Noah Gragson—but will he pass post-race inspection?


Sunday CUP SERIES M&Ms Fan Appreciation 400: LAST RACE’S WINNER picks Christopher Bell.  THE ROULETTE WHEEL picks 20th in points Austin Dillon.  FAVORITE (2 wins): Martin Truex Jr.—breaking through to make Ryan Blaney sweat.  NEXT FAVORITE (2 wins): Ryan Blaney—breaking through to make Martin Truex Jr. sweat.  DARK HORSE (2 wins): Chris Buescher—breaking through to make everyone sweat.


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Spade Racing Opens a Box of 2022 Donruss Nascar Cards, Pack 9 of 24



Join us (well, me) as we/I go through a box of 2022 Donruss Nascar Cards.  New teams, new drivers, new subsets, and of course some corny commentary by me.


Pack 9—Colby, Rowdy, and a Rivalry


FIRST LOOK:
I have to say that I don’t know much about Colby Howard.  Makes me wonder if there’s other cheese-themed drivers in Nascar history, like 1951 contender Cheddar Stanley or 1975 rookie of the year runner-up Havarti Hogarth.


TO THE BACK:
I think the Panini copy writers are giving Rowdy a bit too much credit with his internal monologue.


SAY WHAT:
“Sure my Nascar career was a disappointment, but at least…um, I can’t figure out how to finish that line.”  “Don’t worry Danica, you couldn’t finish anything.”


RATING: 2 spark plugs out of 10



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Musically Declined: Stock Car Racing’s Entertainers of the Year, Race Track Fever


Stock Car Racing and Country Music—two pillars of culture in the Southern United States.  And the two have mingled throughout the years.  So put on your racing shoes, make sure they match your cowboy hat, and settle in for a look back at some of Nascar’s biggest stars turned Nashville wannabes!


The Song: Race Track Fever


The Star: Dale Jarrett by Elroy Kahane & Billy Arr


The Clip: 


The Review: I’ve always liked DJ as a driver, then as a broadcaster.  But all the jangly guitar in the world can’t cover up his dull singing voice.  And is it wise on an album aimed at working-class Southerners to “sing” about everything you got from your dad?


The Verdict: Thankfully Dale Jarrett stuck to driving and announcing.


The Hero Card Project Part 5




Click here for Part 4


The Hero Card project presses on!  Here's what's come over the past six weeks or so (through July 9th)


Two autographed cards from Joey Gase (of Gase Emerling Motorsports)

Six cards from KBM--four from the Truck Series team, 
one from Rowdy's Cup team, and even one of Kyle's son Brexton

Four autographed cards from Truck Series mainstay ThorSport



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UNCLE MAX vs. REPEAT WINNERS vs. THE ROULETTE WHEEL: New Hampshire



Editor’s Note: Uncle Max is under the weather with a non-COVID-related illness.  Here’s his picks he sent to me:

TRUCK SERIES off


Saturday Afternoon XFINITY SERIES Crayon 200 (4 wins): AJ Allmendinger—dulls the sting of losing Cassill’s sponsor.


Sunday CUP SERIES Ambetter 301: LAST RACE’S WINNER picks Chase Elliott.  THE ROULETTE WHEEL picks 3rd in points Joey Logano.  FAVORITE (2 wins): Denny Hamlin—celebrating with Tyler Reddick.  NEXT FAVORITE (2 wins): Martin Truex Jr.—he’s won this, one of his legitimate home tracks, before.  DARK HORSE (2 wins): Kevin Harvick—showing he ain’t done yet.



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Spade Racing Opens a Box of 2022 Donruss Nascar Cards, Pack 8 of 24



Join us (well, me) as we/I go through a box of 2022 Donruss Nascar Cards.  New teams, new drivers, new subsets, and of course some corny commentary by me.


Pack 8—Red Hair, On a Tear, and French-Canadian Flair


FIRST LOOK:
Thad Moffitt has been rather disappointing so far in the national series, but at least he has Carrot Top-level hair going on.


TO THE BACK:
Carl Edwards—he came, he saw, he dominated, he left.


SAY WHAT:
“Ha!  You can’t make me say French, you wasted three years of high school!”


RATING: 8 pit stops out of 10



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SPAD3 RACING CREW CHIEF WORRIED ABOUT TEAM’S PROGRESS


Starting a new race team essentially from scratch is a difficult endeavor.  As a result, its only natural for the team’s major players to be worried about its progress in its first full season.

Crew Chief Mike Henshaw

“Special Protective Advance Defense Department Detachment (SPAD3) Racing has me kind of frightened”, said veteran crew chief Mike Henshaw.  “Not the on-track stuff—we’re way ahead of schedule on that—but really what I’ve seen going on behind the scenes, its worrisome.”

Henshaw explained that while the team has posted numerous top-tens so far this season, he’s a bit worried about their lack of laps led.

“I mean there’s all these mysterious people in suits showing up in the shop, none of them ever tell me their names”, Henshaw said, commenting on the team’s lack of competitiveness on road courses.  “One of them followed me home the other day—stuff like that, you just don’t want happening to you.”

Henshaw went on to explain that breakthroughs in chassis development and race set-ups have allayed most of his fears about missing the NASCAR Playoffs.

“I keep asking questions, but I don’t get answers”, Henshaw replied optimistically.  “I think that’s the real reason why the team is based so far away from North Carolina—these people don’t like people asking questions.  I’ll be sleeping with one eye open all year.”

Team principal Kent Simms was unavailable for comment as he was on a sponsorship recruitment mission to Europe.


Ross Chastain Working On New Versions of Melon-Smashing Celebration



One of Nascar Cup’s newest stars is Ross Chastain, who delighted the Nascar on Fox broadcast team after his two wins this season with his celebratory “Watermelon Smash”.  However, Chastain is not resting on his laurels, and is considering new ways to spice up his victories.

“Trackhouse (Racing Team) has really given me race-winning equipment this year, so I want to change things up before people get sick of me spiking a watermelon the same exact way after every win”, Chastain said this morning.  “So I’m thinking—what can I do to make each win unique?  That’s what I’ve been meditating on for the past week or so.”

Chastain has said that he has several concepts in the works for new post-race celebration variations.

“One idea was to use a different kind of melon—maybe a honeydew”, Chastain said.  “Or maybe I could eat part of a watermelon, then spit the seeds into the crowd—after COVID restrictions are lifted, of course.”

Chastain has also been considering less-obvious ways to keep his post-race victories from getting stale.

“I’ve even thought of carrying some watermelon seeds and a trowel in my car”, Chastain opined, “then planting them in the infield after a win.  Or even something really wild, like a flaming watermelon spike.  Anything to remind people that I’m just a humble watermelon farmer who happens to race stock cars.”

When informed that most farmers have barely enough money to get by, much less race, Chastain grimaced and walked away.


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UNCLE MAX vs. REPEAT WINNERS vs. THE ROULETTE WHEEL: Atlanta/Mid-Ohio



Will Repeat or the Roulette Wheel get a single win all year?  Who knows—could be the “generational talent reset”, the new car adding parity, or just plain luck.  But I ain’t complain’!

You gotta take your wins as they come, whether its from the luck of the draw, oppositional incompetence, or lack of competition entirely.  That’s how I won the company raffle for a free travel cooler—its easy to win when you’re the only one to enter!  And let that be a lesson—you don’t have to win the popular competitions to be successful.


Saturday Afternoon TRUCK SERIES O’Reilly Auto Parts 150: Carson Hocevar—but you can be SURE the FS1 announcers won’t be there.


Saturday Evening XFINITY SERIES Alsco 250 (4 wins): Noah Gragson—over/under on people he angers this weekend set at 2.5.


Sunday CUP SERIES Quaker State 400: LAST RACE’S WINNER picks Tyler Reddick.  THE ROULETTE WHEEL picks 2nd in points Ryan Blaney (after landing on 00).  FAVORITE (1 win): Chase Elliott—NBC/USA’s favorite gets a home-track win.  NEXT FAVORITE (2 wins): Martin Truex Jr.—a veteran driver shows his mettle at one of his many, many home tracks.  DARK HORSE (2 wins): Austin Dillon—perhaps showing that the RCR revival is for real.


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Spade Racing Opens a Box of 2022 Donruss Nascar Cards, Pack 7 of 24



Join us (well, me) as we/I go through a box of 2022 Donruss Nascar Cards.  New teams, new drivers, new subsets, and of course some corny commentary by me.


Pack 7—Kenseth’s Tire, Playoff Fire, and a Live Wire


FIRST LOOK:
And our first memorabilia piece is…a Matt Kenseth tire swatch!  Now I’m curious where and how they store all those used tires.


TO THE BACK:
Martin Truex Jr. knows how to pour it on in the Playoffs.  Running for years with crummy teams affiliated with Michael Waltrip will light a fire under ya.


SAY WHAT:
“This firesuit makes me look like a bottle of Mtn Dew LiveWire.”


RATING: 6 tires out of 10 (would’ve been a 2 without the memorabilia insert)



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Musically Declined: Stock Car Racing’s Entertainers of the Year, Born to Drive/A Crazy Racin’ Man


Stock Car Racing and Country Music—two pillars of culture in the Southern United States.  And the two have mingled throughout the years.  So put on your racing shoes, make sure they match your cowboy hat, and settle in for a look back at some of Nascar’s biggest stars turned Nashville wannabes!


The Songs: Born to Drive by Herb McCullough & A Crazy Racin’ Man by Jack Barlow


The Stars: Phil Parsons & Bill Elliott


The Clip: 





The Review: This is as good a time as any to point out that this album came out in 1985—you can tell by the much more polished/pop sound in the instrumentation.  Meanwhile, Phil’s song “Born to Drive” is an OK song ruined by his crummy vocals.  And why didn’t he come out with sequels “Born to Announce Trucks” and “Born to Start and Park”?  On the flip side, Bill Elliott—a guy not particularly well-known for his charisma—is pretty darn good!  I mean sure, he’s mostly talk-singing, its just 90 seconds or so long, and he mentions Elton John for some reason, but its alright.


The Verdict: Bad vocals on a decent song; good vocals on a non-song of a song.


3 in Their Third: A Monthly Spade Racing Series—July Report



Two years ago there were six rookie drivers.  Last year four of them returned for their sophomore seasons.  This year the three best are back once again for their third seasons in Cup—and just like over the past two years, we’ll be ranking them here at Spade Racing.

Just like in years past we’ll be utilizing the PRETTY grade—Performance Relative to Equating Team’s Typical Year—as a way to properly rank someone from a top-flight team like Joe Gibbs Racing against someone from a top-flight slumping team like Stewart-Haas Racing against someone from a mid-level operation like RCR.

Here’s where our three guys stack up heading into Road America:


1.) Christopher Bell (Joe Gibbs Racing).  2022 Best Race Finish: 3rd (COTA).  PRETTY Grade: B+.  Bell retains (and strengthens) his deal over Tyler Reddick with an eight-place finish last week at Nashville.  He remains one of the top three in points at JGR as well—Denny Hamlin is a surprising 20th, but will still make the Playoffs because this is the system Brian France chose.


2.) Tyler Reddick (Richard Childress Racing).  2022 Best Race Finish: 2nd (Bristol Dirt, Darlington). PRETTY Grade: B+.  Reddick’s slump continues, although he’s still ahead of Austin Dillion in the points standings (by a single point).  So this might just be an RCR slump, one that’s been going back to…um, 1995?


3.) Cole Custer (Stewart-Haas Racing).  2022 Best Race Finish: 11th (Auto Club).  PRETTY Grade: D-.  Cole is on a streak of six straight sub-20th place finishes.  Yeah, there’s not really much more to say, other than “could Riley Herbst actually be an IMPROVEMENT here?”



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UNCLE MAX vs. REPEAT WINNERS vs. THE ROULETTE WHEEL: Road America



For anyone hosting a Fourth of July BBQ party, here’s some of MY advice for grilling:


—When buying meat, figure two proteins per guest (three if they’re teenagers).


—If its something like a burger of steak that has to be done “to order”, cook it to the level BELOW what they want—that way you can always toss it back on if it isn’t leathery enough for them.


—Don’t have time to make sides?  Go for store-made salads (potato, macaroni, etc.).


—Don’t forget the cheese!  And for a touch of class, go with havarti or muenster instead of American.


TRUCK SERIES (off)


Saturday Afternoon XFINITY SERIES Henry 180 (4 wins): AJ Allmendinger—sticking with The Dinger, at least on a road course.


Sunday CUP SERIES Kwik Trip 250: LAST RACE’S WINNER picks Chase Elliott.  THE ROULETTE WHEEL picks 26th in points Ty Dillon.  FAVORITE (1 win): AJ Allmendinger—The Dinger Double.  NEXT FAVORITE (2 wins): Chase Elliott—Two weeks in a row as the Next Favorite?  Oh mai oui.  DARK HORSE (2 wins): Chris Buesher—maybe call it RFB Racing?



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