Spade Racing Opens a Box of 2023 Donruss Cards, Pack 11 of 24



Pack 11: Nine of ten, winless again, and man amongst Men(ards)


FIRST LOOK: Pretty cool to get one of only ten of a certain card in existence.  Almost makes up for the lavender fire suit.


TO THE BACK: I like how most of the Nascar world has just collectively decided to ignore that Hemric has a single Xfinity Series win and acts like he’s a superstar.


SAY WHAT: “You can take my career, but you’ll never take my facial hair”.


RATING: 5 pit road penalties out of 10




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Track “Facts”: Nashville (no, not that one)



Nascar races on all sorts of tracks, from short to long, oval to road course, concrete to asphalt.  Here’s a bi-weekly look at all the tracks of Nascar’s National Touring Series.


NASHVILLE SUPERSPEEDWAY


1.333 mile concrete tri-oval


Opened 2001


Lights?  Yes


Series: Cup, Xfinity, Trucks


Nicknames: Not the Fairgrounds, Not Dover


THREE FUN FACTS:

1. This track is known as a “Superspeedway” despite the fact that it is not a 2.5 mile track (like Daytona and Talladega).  This is to avoid confusion with Nashville’s Fairgrounds Speedway, a track whose return to Cup competition will apparently cure all the sport’s ills.


2. The track was closed for ten years by owner Dover Motorsports due to the sport’s overall downturn in popularity.  The reasons for this dip are manifold, but most of them could be solved by adding Nashville Fairgrounds Speedway back to the schedule.


3. Since reopening the track has reinstated its tradition of presenting the winner with a custom guitar.  You know who really likes guitars?  Fans who’d fill Nashville Fairgrounds Speedway to double capacity for any race.



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Spade Racing 2x4: Christopher Bell vs. Tyler Reddick, Penultimate Report



Spade Racing has watched the 2020 Cup Series Rookie Class winnow down from six full-time drivers to only two entering their fourth season at the sport’s highest level: Christopher Bell and Tyler Reddick.  We’ll keep following them, but here’s how things look going into Martinsville:


POINTS STANDINGS: Christopher Bell has a big advantage here going into Martinsville, having locked himself into the Championship 4 with last week’s win at Homestead.  Tyler Reddick will have to win or “point” his way in today…but at least he’s better off than Cole Custer.  Advantage: BELL


BEST FINISH: Things are all tied up with each driver posting a pair of wins.  Granted, Cole Custer has two wins as well, but they’re in Xfinity.  Advantage: tie


PERFORMANCE RELATIVE TO TEAMMATES: This one’s a tough one.  On the one hand, Reddick has clearly out performed teammate Bubba Wallace, who was eliminated in the Round of 8.  On the other hand, Bell has clearly out performed HIS teammates, two of which likely need to win their way in to the Round of 4.  And ironically, this is one spot where Cole Custer HAS excelled. Advantage: REDDICK


FINAL SCORE: CHRISTOPHER BELL retains his slight lead over Tyler Reddick, but the final two weeks of the season could easily shake things up.


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Nascar Race Picks: Uncle Max vs. The Tarot Deck—Martinsville


So it only took 34 weeks but FINALLY one of my favorites won this year.  I gotta say I’m glad that I’ll be putting this season in my rearview mirror soon—my picks have simply NOT been any good.  Oh well—at least the Tarot isn’t doing any better.

Since next week will have me making championship picks across all three series, here’s just a reminder to all of you to be courteous and polite to retail workers (and managers) this holiday season.  Treat them with respect and give them some slack—remember, usually they’re operating by rules that even THEY don’t agree with.


TRUCK SERIES (2 wins): off


Saturday XFINITY SERIES (3 wins) DeadOn Tools 250: Chandler Smith—quiet the nice goodbye gift to the Kaulig crew.


Sunday CUP SERIES Xfinity 500:  The Tarot Deck (1 win) selects the Knight of Pentacles, Chris Buescher.  FAVORITE: Denny Hamlin—you know, home track and all.  NEXT FAVORITE (1 win): William Byron—no need to point your way in with a win.  DARK HORSE: Kevin Harvick—one week late, but a fitting farewell (…one week early).




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Spade Racing Opens a Box of 2023 Donruss Cards, Pack 10 of 24



Pack 10: Championship, quite a trip, and a drip


FIRST LOOK: Here we see Kevin Harvick posing with his 2021 Nascar Cup championship trophy/magazine rack.


TO THE BACK: I’d like to imagine that it was a real thrill for Jeff to be recognized for his Thursday Night Thunder exploits.  Although they were probably followed by “so how old is Dave Despain anyways?  Like 200?”


SAY WHAT: “You can make me pose for this ‘Power Squad’ thing, but you can’t make me excited about it.”


RATING: 9 hot laps out of 10


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Musically Declined: Lonnie Hillard’s Race Tracks II, Let’s Race



Stock Car Racing and Country Music—two pillars of culture in the Southern United States.  And the two have mingled throughout the years.  So put on your racing shoes, make sure they match your cowboy hat, and settle in for a look back at some of Nascar’s biggest stars turned Nashville wannabes!


The Song: Let’s Race


The Star: Heidi Bodine and Ron & Candice Hornaday


The Clip: 



The Review: Yeesh.  Heidi Bodine (Brett’s daughter) is ok, but then we get Ron Hornaday Jr and HIS daughter talk-singing back and forth.  This is barely a song.


The Verdict: Would be more at home at a family Christmas party.



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Kyle Larson Clones Self in Advance of 2024 Indy/Charlotte Double


(this is a work of satire)

While primarily focused on trying to win the 2023 Nascar Cup championship, Kyle Larson is also planning ahead to next year’s Memorial Day Weekend “Double”.  In order to allow himself to run both the Indianapolis 500 and the Coca-Cola 600 in the same day, Larson announced that he has cloned himself earlier this week.

“We needed to get moving on this, so the clone can be prepped to run the proper practice and qualifying laps it’ll need to”, the original Larson said this morning.  “Obviously I myself will try to run as much of the races as possible, but we need to have a backup for some of the ancillary events, and that’s where my clone will really come in handy.”

Larson made the move to create a second lifeform of himself with the full support of both his team owner, Rick Hendrick, and his primary sponsor, Rick Hendrick.

“We fully support Kyle in his attempts to ‘do the double’ next year, and we think that having a clone on standby will be a real boon towards the effort”, owner/sponsor Hendrick said.  “Also, please note that I’m using the ‘royal we’ here—I have not cloned myself to handle sponsor negotiations with myself…yet.”

The clone, being generated at MOXOC Cloning and Pest Control, will reportedly spend most of its time at Indianapolis Motor Speedway throughout the “month of May”, ready to participate in any secondary practice sessions that Kyle Larson (the original one) will have to miss due to his Nascar commitments.  Afterwards, he will be on-call in Charlotte in case the Indianapolis 500 goes long.

“Look—nobody wants to see a caution-filled Indy 500, but we have to be prepared for that possibility”, the primary Larson explained.  “Heck—we’ve seen the difficulties that previous drivers have encountered when ‘doing the Double’, and we want to avoid them—mostly because I don’t want to deal with talking to Robby Gordon.”

The clone is expected to start its on-track training this winter, at which point it will also be educated on why IndyCar fans are so bitter and whiny. 



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Nascar Race Picks: Uncle Max vs. The Tarot Deck—Homestead



Well I nearly made these Homestead picks LAST weekend, I caught my mistake Thursday morning, and it STILL didn’t matter, missing on all my picks YET AGAIN.  This has been a frustrating picking year all around.  I’m not getting any Cup picks right and I’m not dominating in Xfinity or Trucks like I used to.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, I don’t know what do dress as for Halloween this year.  I’ve done a half-assed pirate for the past few years, but this is the first Halloween at the new location, so maybe I should actually put some effort into it.  Any ideas?


Saturday Early Afternoon TRUCK SERIES (2 wins) Baptist Health 200: Matt Crafton—controversy?  What controversy?


Saturday Late Afternoon XFINITY SERIES (3 wins) Contender Boats 300: John Hunter Nemechek—the long goodbye to competitive equipment continues.


Sunday CUP SERIES 4EVER 400:  The Tarot Deck (1 win) selects the Sun, Austin Dillon.  FAVORITE: Christopher Bell—Payback for last week.  NEXT FAVORITE (1 win): Denny Hamlin—maybe plowing through Joey Logano on the way.  DARK HORSE: Bubba Wallace—low pressure, high drama, maximum crying in Victory Lane.



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Spade Racing Opens a Box of 2023 Donruss Cards, Pack 9 of 24



Pack 9: Metal Masters, Northeast Outlasters, and Sponsor Disasters


FIRST LOOK: They call them metal masters, but the cards aren’t made out of metal.  And Denny’s not really a master of anything, other than succeeding without winning a championship.


TO THE BACK: Don’t worry about moving up, Justin—just stay in the Modified Series forever!  You’ll be a hero to like seven weirdos in upstate New York!


SAY WHAT: “Truth is, I never really knew what Crypto was anyways.”


RATING: 7 fire suits out of 10


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Track “Facts”: Auto Club




Nascar races on all sorts of tracks, from short to long, oval to road course, concrete to asphalt.  Here’s a bi-weekly look at all the tracks of Nascar’s National Touring Series.


AUTO CLUB SPEEDWAY


2 mile asphalt D-shaped oval (for now)


Opened 1997


Lights?  Yes


Series: Cup, Xfinity


Nicknames: California Speedway, The Track Nobody Wants


THREE FUN FACTS:

1. Since 2008 the former California Speedway has been known as Auto Club Speedway as the result of a naming rights agreement.  And if you’re curious, “Auto Club” refers to the Auto Club of Southern California, a branch of AAA with an incredibly generic name.


2. Auto Club Speedway is just a few miles away from the former site of Ontario Motor Speedway, a track which aimed to be the “Indianapolis of the West”.  I mean, it succeeded in the sense that there were a bunch of crummy races.


3. Auto Club Speedway has been earmarked for a major redesign that would turn it into a short-track, combining the high banks of Bristol with the long straightaways of Martinsville.  However, this renovation has been delayed more than my attempts to go on a diet.



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The Hero Card Project: Part 9

 


Click here for Part 8

Another year, another season.  Another season, another batch of hero card requests sent out to Nascar Cup, Xfinity, Truck, and ARCA teams!  CLICK HERE to learn more about hero cards, one of my favorite things to collect.  These cards arrived on October 9th

TEN(!!!) cards from AlphaPrime!


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Nascar Race Picks: Uncle Max vs. The Tarot Deck—Las Vegas



Ugh—here’s a piece of advice: Don’t get the flu.  I was out sick for almost a whole week with it, and then I got back just in time to deal with the avalanche of work that piled up at the store while I was out.

The worst part is, I lost a week of my personal and professional life, and I didn’t even get to enjoy it.  It’s not like I could say “hey, I took a week to go to the Bahamas”, or “I spent seven days reading some of the great classics.”  Instead it’s just “I sat on my couch hacking up phlegm for five days, followed by two days of sneezing.”

Oh well—soon I’ll have holiday sales to distract me from my lost week, my terrible luck at picks this year, and the fact that I’m going to have a major rent increase coming up on my townhouse.


TRUCK SERIES (2 wins) off


Saturday Late XFINITY SERIES (3 wins) Alsco 302: John Hunter Nemechek—the long goodbye to competitive equipment.


Sunday CUP SERIES South Point 400:  The Tarot Deck (1 win) selects the Queen of Wands, last week’s winner AJ Allmendinger.  FAVORITE: Ryan Blaney—what do you do when you need to win?  You win.  NEXT FAVORITE (1 win): Wiliam Byron—unfortunately without a giant Z on his hood.  DARK HORSE: Kevin Harvick—“fix! Fix!”



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