10 Danica Patrick: 1 GoDaddy Next year GoDaddy's joined by Aspen Dental, which will force Danica to fake-smile a LOT more.
21 Trevor Bayne: 1 Motorcraft Ironic that one of the oldest sponsors (Ford Motor Company) sponsors a driver who's a one-race wonder--kinda like if GE sponsored a Rockwell reunion tour.
27 Paul Menard: 1 Menards The King of Sponsorship Partners retains his crown in 2013.
48 Jimmie Johnson: 1 Lowe's One sponsor, one driver, one team, and more color variations than a hippie's acid-trip.
56 Martin Truex Jr.: 1 Napa How happy do you think Martin is that he no longer has to do lame commercials with Michael Waltrip?
78 Kurt Busch: 1 Wonder Bread Team owner Barney Visser owns Furniture Row, who sponsored the car in all but one race. Because nothing goes together like a new mattress and white bread.
42 Juan Pablo Montoya: 1 Target Next year Kyle Larson takes over for the Prince of Sponsorship Partners.
|Still can't believe this car|
2 Brad Keselowski: 2 Miller Lite, Redd's Apple Ale A new sponsor (rumored to be Alliance Auto Parts) joins Miller in 2014. Look for Brad to welcome his new partner with a half-hour long philosophical interview.
11 Denny Hamlin: 2 FedEx, SportClips A perfect combination for those who like to mail their hair trimmings worldwide.
13 Casey Mears: 2 Geico, Valvoline NextGen Next Gen: Recycled Oil. Geico: Recycled commercials.
22 Joey Logano: 2 Shell/Pennzoil, AAA "Hello, Triple-A? Yeah, I need some roadside assistance--some big fat guy is trying to beat me up!"
93 Travis Kvapil: 2 Dr. Pepper, Dominion Raceway One of the team's owners is a Burger King franchisee, so "Having it YOUR way" means getting virtually nothing from your main sponsor.
|Next year: Grady's Apple Ale|
20 Matt Kenseth: 2.5 Dollar General, Husky Tools/Home Depot Husky Tools is wholly owned by Home Depot, so while they were treated as separate sponsors, they're really the same company. Why no, I DON'T have a girlfriend--how did you guess?
19 Mike Bliss: 3 G-Oil, MediaMaster, GPI ...and they have so much to show for it!
24 Jeff Gordon: 3 AARP, Axalta/Cromax Pro, Pepsi MAX AARP Drive to End Hunger retains its How Does This Sponsor Make Sense award.
30 Too Many Drivers: 3 Widox Wax, Lean1, Genny Light Next season: Twice the cars, all the 30th-place finishes.
38 David Gilliland: 3 Dockside Logistics, EZPawn, Love's Travel Stops A great combination for anybody who's driving long-distance to sell their boat fast.
40 Landon Cassill: 3 Interstate Moving Services, Moon Shine, Pirate Oilfield "ARRR, we be frackin'!"
55 Mark Vicktrip: 3 Aaron's, Toyota Camry, Jet Edge Aaron's takes over full-time next season, assuming that Brian Vickers makes all his weekly payments on-time for the car.
83 David Reutimann: 3 Dr. Pepper, VooDoo BBQ, Horizon I get the feeling that Dr. Pepper doesn't even realize that they're sponsoring BK Racing.
95 Reed Sorenson, etc.: 3 SupportMilitary.org, JTS, DishTV Next year Michael McDowell takes longtime sponsor Black Paint with him to this car.
|That reminds me--I gotta wax my|
7 Dave Blaney: 4 SANY, Florida Lottery, Ultra Race Wheels, Go Pro At least next year they'll only have one-and-a-half sponsors with Pilot/Flying J. WHY they stick with Michael Annett? The world may never know.
9 Marcos Ambrose: 4 Stanley, DeWalt, Bostich, Mac Tools Dull Pointless Fact: All four of these companies are owned by StanleyBlack&Decker.
18 Kyle Busch: 4 M&M's, Interstate Batteries, Snickers, Doublemint It'll be tough for anyone to top Rowdy's synergy of Likable Sponsor, Unlikable Driver.
35 Josh Wise: 4 MDS, The Pete Store, Carson-Newman University, Blockbuster That reminds me, I have some Petes I need to exchange.
88 Dale Earnhardt Jr.: 4 National Guard, Diet Mtn Dew, Time Warner Cable, Amp Junior The Cable Guy? ("Git 'Er 2nd Place!")
|Can you get this at The Pete Store?|
5 Kasey Kahne: 5 Farmers Insurance, Great Clips, Quaker State, Time Warner Cable, Pepsi MAX Next year Great Clips steps up for many more races, looking to recapture the glory days of NBS 24/7.
14 Tony Stewart & Co.: 5 Bass Pro Shops, Mobil 1, Rush Truck Centers, GoDaddy, Code 3 Associates I still don't know what Rush Truck Centers are--I imagine they're travel stops for long-haul spazzes.
16 Greg Biffle: 5 3M, Sherwin-Williams, Bondo, Fastenal, Meguiar's 3M owns most of the other sponsors on the 16 car (ACE Bandage, Filtrete, etc.). 3M: Its like Dupont, but with much less intermarrying!
29 Kevin Harvick: 5 Budweiser, Jimmy John's, Rheem, Bell Helicopter, Bad Boy Buggies But what about Good Boy Buggies, Kevin?
32 Timmy Hill & the Hillettes: 5 U.S. Chrome, OXY Water, Federated Auto Parts, C&J Energy, HendrickCars.com They couldn't have run Timmy full-time--he would've completely dominated the rest of the field!
|A more-accurate Bondo scheme|
15 Clint Bowyer: 6 5-Hour Energy, Peak, Toyota Camry, KFC (I ate the bones), Gander Mtn. (Secure your firearms), Napa Filters Apparently eating the bones makes your arm itch.
|No affiliation with the old MTV show|
36 J.J. Yeley: 6 UME, Golden Corral, Arrive Alive Delaware, IMCA, Accell, Nascar Day If J.J. Yeley was MY designated driver, I'd be drinking a LOT more.
39 Ryan Newman: 6 Quicken Loans, Outback Steakhouse, State Water Heaters, Aspen Dental, Code 3 Associates, Wix Filters Aspen Dental made sense for Ryan--after all, Aspen is known for its (Widow's) Peaks.
87 Joe Nemechek: 6 Maddie's Place Rocks, Royal Teak, The Counselor, The Wolverine, Belle Tire, ATI If the movies were combined, and it was about a Wolverine who acted as his own legal counsel, I'd have actually gone to see it.
98 Michael McDowell: 6 K-Love, GunBroker.com, Victory Junction, Hyde Park, The Bobby Bones Show, Ambient Edge Six different sponsors wanted the Phil Parsons experience this year? Seems kinda low.
34 David Ragan: 7 CSX (I brake for trains), Farm Rich, SaferCar.gov, Peanut Patch, Dockside Logistics,
99 Carl Edwards: 7 Fastenal, Aflac, Cheez-It, Frosted Flakes, UPS, Subway, Geek Squad Carl doesn't look ANYTHING like a Geek. Or a Duck. But he DOES looks like a tiger who wears a red bandana around his neck.
Love's Travel Stops, Detail Doctor Until they run a Chessie System special paint scheme, its just wasted money, guys.
|Make it happen!|
|Well, this is kinda close...|
17 Ricky Stenhouse Jr.: 8 Best Buy, Fifth Third Bank, Zest, Nationwide Insurance, Ford EcoBoost, Fastenal, NOS, Valvoline NextGen "I won Nationwide last season"--yeah, but you still have to wait in line to get your deposit--HEY, don't take my pen!
31 Jeff Burton: 8 Caterpillar, Sleep Innovations, FXI, Kwikset, Cheerios, Airgas, American Ethanol, Utility Trailers Here's hoping NBC will sponsor Jeff in a few races next season, including a retro XFL New York-New Jersey Hitmen paint scheme.
|I'll just take the cash equivalent|
33 Little Joe's Big Roster: 10 Honey Nut Cheerios, Boot Barn, Shore Lodge, Canadian Tires, Dow Mycogen, American Ethanol, Bicycle Cards, Justin Workboots, ERC/TMone, KCI Just goes to show that even the smallest team can win an award--well, actually, they didn't really win anything, so I guess its all pointless.
43 Aric Almirola: 10 Smithfield, Eckrich, Farmland, Gwaltney, STP, US Air Force, Rain Eater, Go Bowling, JaniKing, Transportation Impact Last year's winner
takes a step-back, as Smithfield (and its various subsidiary brands) took a larger role on the car this season. I'd be annoyed, but anytime bacon comes to the forefront, I'm for it.
47 Bobby Labonte & The Dinger: 10 Kingsford, Clorox, Scott, House Autry, Charter, Bush's Baked Beans, Pine-Sol, Glad, Kroger, Wounded Warrior Project A regular contender, they resorted to pretty desperate measures late in the season--for the last time guys, I DON'T want your car! And tell Brad to stop hitting me with his fork!
51 Not Kurt Busch: 10 Brandt, Target, Shooters, SEM, Got Clams?, Tag Heuer, HendrickCars.com, Guy Roofing, Dallas (VisitDallas.com), Bruce Lowrie Chevy Demerits for no smiley-face on the hood this year.
and THE WINNER IS...
1 Jamie McMurray: 14 Cessna, McDonalds, Lexar, LiftMaster, Linksys, E-Z-GO, Advil, Hellman's, Banana Boat, Parade, Bad Boy Buggies, Bass Pro Shops, Bell Helicopter, Race with Insulin Wow--it wasn't even close--and that doesn't include Auburn being on the hood courtesy Cessna! Jamie, be sure to stop by my apartment sometime soon to claim your award. Fine, its OK if you send Felix Sabates.
|Gene Chizik was in Victory Lane|
to help mop up the confetti.