Sunday, January 15, 2023

February 15th 2053: Nascar’s Approves First-Ever Cyborg Driver



Next week’s Daytona 500 will be an historic one, as for the first-time ever, a cyborg driver will pilot a car in the field.

“I’m proud to be representing not just my team, but cyborgs everywhere”, said driver TKMW “Tony” 115609.  “I’m out to prove that even if you have a partially cybertronic brain, you can still go out and race in Nascar.”

“Tony” is the latest in a long-line of drivers with artificial enhancements to attempt to race in Nascar.

“Our leadership committee has looked into this for a long time”, said a Nascar spokes-hologram.  “We noticed how after the NFL allowed cyborg football players in 2038, they were overwhelmed to the point that last year was ‘The Metallic Year’.  That’s why we will only approve drivers with artificial organs, not indestructible legs or arms.

“And yes, I know that doesn’t allow a driver to have a literal ‘lead foot’, so no need to point that out, guys.”

“Tony” will be racing the #98 Ford FestivaMax race car this season with some very appropriate sponsors.

“NeuroTex Brain Preservers have been with me throughout my racing career, and I’m glad to see them step up to the Cup Series”, TKMW “Tony” 115609 said.  “Nobody wants their flesh to rot next to an overheated motherboard.  And I’ll be running several races with LushPro Artificial Livers—don’t go drinking without one!”

“Tony” will debut in next Sunday’s Daytona 500, available on VisionX Holographic Media, Teknik MentalView, DriverZ In-Car Experience, and Fox.


IN OTHER NEWS: Nascar Reluctantly Allows Expansion to Ten-Car Teams


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