Monday, June 13, 2022


Special Protective Advance Defense Department Detachment (SPAD3) Racing has taken the extraordinary step of categorically denying any rumors or hearsay that its mechanics are extra-terrestrial aliens.

One of the team's completely
human mechanics

“I can honestly say that all our mechanics, from the car chief to the road crew to the ‘boys back at the shop’, are all human beings”, team principal Kent Simms said in a prepared statement.  “I don’t know where these rumors came from—Jayski, Reddit, or maybe just some jealous members of other teams—but our entire team is comprised solely of humans.

“Well, except for our driver MOXOC”, Simms added, “he’s a robot.”

Simms said he had no idea why the rumors were spreading so fast.

“Its strange—a few days ago, nobody was asking these questions, then right after one of our team members disappears, nothing but rumors”, Kent explained.  “But I can honestly say that the team member who left the team did so on his own volition.  And once we finished debriefing and deprogramming him, he said he wanted to leave the sport behind and left without further comment.”

The team has said they will be vigilant in shooting down any more spurious rumors.

“Innuendo like this just distracts from our larger goals”, said SPAD3 Racing PR director Stacey Fox.  “I mean, once you have a crazy rumor like aliens being in NASCAR out there, people stop wondering why your team hauler doesn’t show up on radar tracking.  So we’ll fight for our reputations every single day if we have to.”

Fox later said that any unsubstantiated rumors about the team employing a clone of Elvis Presley would also be false.

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