Sunday, March 5, 2023

Chase Elliott Released from Hospital with New “Lead Foot” Implant

Less than 48 hours after he was admitted to the hospital with a serious leg injury from snowboarding, Chase Elliott is recovering at home in Georgia.  While his return to the Cup Series is unknown, he will be eventually doing so with a new, literal “Lead Foot” implanted in his right leg.

“This was really the best opportunity to get this done”, a convalescing Elliott said over Zoom.  “Nobody wants to get hurt—much less in-season—but the doctors told me this would be the best time to get the lead foot implant, seeing as how they’d be doing work on my leg anyways.

“Its kind of like how they remove your adenoids when you get your tonsils taken out—its just the most-convenient time to get it done”, Elliott said.

The new leaden-foot, weighing several hundred pounds, is a semi-permanent implant, one that cannot be removed temporarily.  However, Elliott said that the pros greatly outweighed the cons.

“Sure, it’ll make walking a bit harder to do—and my snowboarding days are over, for sure”, Elliott explained.  “But I’ll have a major advantage on the track, whenever i get back in the car.  And really, winning races is far more important to ANY racer than living a normal, fulfilling life.  Well, with the possible exception of Corey Lajoie.”

While Elliott’s return to active competition remains unknown, he is expected to receive a waiver to continue to compete for the season-long Cup championship, according to Nascar.

“We will welcome back Chase (Elliott) as soon as he’s medically cleared to do so”, said Nascar spokeswoman Theresa Martin, “and he’ll be able to compete for the championship so long as he wins a points-paying race in the 2023 regular season.  We view all elective surgeries as waiver-able situations—hey, we’re even preparing for Ross Chastain to have his head replaced by a genetically-altered melon.”

GET WELL SOON, CHASE!!! updated four times weekly

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