Chad Knaus Hits The John, Jimmie Hits The Win



Many of you probably saw Jimmie Johnson's crew chief, Chad Knaus, sprinting to a Port-a-Potty during the second-to-last caution of the race.  Thanks to my connections in Delaware's portable-toilet industry, I was able to find out what he was doing in there:  Lots and lots of screaming.  Here's what our hidden microphones picked-up:

Many of you probably saw Jimmie Johnson's crew chief, Chad Knaus, sprinting to a Port-a-Potty during the second-to-last caution of the race.  Thanks to my connections in Delaware's portable-toilet industry, I was able to find out what he was doing in there:  Lots and lots of screaming.  Here's what our hidden microphones picked-up:
"Chad, PLEASE tell me that's
champagne!"

(Locks door) "Why the (heck) did they THROW THAT CAUTION?!?  DEBRIS?  DEBRIS ON THE BACKSTRETCH?  The (flipping) track was FALLING APART BEFORE!  There's debris all over the track--the track is DEBRIS for crying out loud!  Nascar wonders why they're losing fans?  It's because of manufactured drama like THIS!  We could've run away with this thing, now we have to deal with another RESTART?  Here?  At (flipping) DOVER?!?  Is David Hoots trying to send me to an EARLY GRAVE?!?  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH--(primal scream continued for approximately 40 seconds)--HHHHH!  OK, I feel better now, better go back and check on the pit crew."

(Walks out, seeing Mike Helton waiting at the head of a long line): "Chad, after having to hold it that long listening to you, we are FAR from done with cautions today."