The Law Offices of Conklin & Schneider

Have you been wrecked in a Nascar race?  Were you grievously harmed in any way by another driver’s mistakes?  Then you could be entitled to a major cash settlement!  Contact The Law Offices of Conklin & Schneider to get the justice YOU deserve.

“I was having a normal race, just running as usual in the top-10 but not contending for a win, when I got hit by Carl Edwards.  When I tried to get compensation, Carl said it was all his fault, like that made it all ok.  That’s when I called The Law Offices of Conklin & Schneider, and they’re helping me get the justice I deserve!”

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Spinouts, blown tires, you name it—we will work tirelessly to get you what YOU deserve.

“Hi, I’m Nascar driver Jeff Gordon.  I was ready to start the race from the pole, when I was knocked into the wall by Danica Patrick.  I went over to talk to her, but after I said, ‘Hi, I’m Nascar driver Jeff Gordon’, she walked away.  So I called The Law Offices of Conklin & Schneider, and they put me in touch with a larger class-action suit against her.  Thank you, Conklin & Schneider!”

At The Law Offices of Conklin & Schneider, we don’t believe in just sitting back—we believe in going out for justice.  And remember—you don’t get paid until WE get paid!

“I’m a race tire, and when my driver blew me out on the victory lap, I was pretty shredded.  I didn’t even realize that I had legal rights as a tire, until a friend of mine put me in touch with The Law Offices of Conklin & Schneider.  Thanks to them, I’ll be wearing gold-plated lug nuts next week!”

Las Vegas “News” and Notes: Special Jumbo Edition

—Expect Kurt Busch back in Cup any week now, so expect cloying, irritating post-race interviews any week now.

—Speaking of Kurt, here’s the conversation I imagine going on in Daytona last weekend:

Flunky: “Sir, a race team had its car stolen”

Brian France:  “Good!  Anything to get people distracted from Kurt Busch.  Whose car was it?”

Flunky: “Travis Kvapil”

Brian France:  “D’oh!”

—Brett Moffitt is subbing in for David Ragan in the #34 car for the next three races.  He was considered to run the #18 at Daytona, but with such little turnaround time, he was unable to fit his toffitt in the car.

—Congrats to Brian Vickers on making it back to racing this weekend!  Thankfully, now the only pain he has to go through on a daily basis is listening to Michael Waltrip’s lisp.

—Meanwhile, kudos to Joe Gibbs Racing for hiring Boris Said to drive a handful of races (not just the road courses, mind you) in the #54 Xfinity Series car.  Boris is going to be pretty disappointed, though, when he realizes that Greg Biffle doesn’t run there anymore.

—Here’s what we’ve learned so far from Fox Sports 1’s innovative decision to use Sprint Cup regulars in the booth for Xfinity Series races—Kevin Harvick can put aside past feuds to commentate impartially, and Brad Keselowski seems to have a love affair with Nationwide Insurance.

—The Camping World Truck Series is on hiatus until March 28th, giving teams plenty of time to figure out how Jeb Burton doesn’t have a Truck Series ride, but Norm Benning does.

Ricky Stenhouse Jr. Becomes First Person With Mullet Associated With a Bank

Though today’s race didn’t go as well as he’d have liked, driver/Danica’s boyfriend Ricky Stenhouse Jr. did set a unique record today:  He became the first person in recorded history with a mullet to be professionally associated with a major bank.

I call this style the "Trying Too Hard"

“We (Roush-Fenway) have Bubba Wallace Jr., the first African-American to win a race in the modern era in a touring series”, Stenhouse said post-wreck.  “We have Ryan Reed, who last weekend became the first person with diabetes to win in a touring series.  Well, I’m glad that I was able to make a little history of my own.”

Stenhouse Jr. has been sponsored in recent years by Fifth Third Bank (stylized 5/3), but this is the first season in which he has grown out the back of his hair, forming a curl just behind his firesuit collar.

“I know it might be strange to see a guy with a ‘Tennessee Topper’ wearing a bank company’s logo, but here I am”, Stenhouse said.  “Hey, come to think of it, I’m wearing a 5/3 hat aren’t I?  Guess that really makes it ‘Business in the front, Party in the back!’”.

Stenhouse Jr.’s day ended early when he was involved in a late-race wreck.  However, with his place in the history books secured, he was in good spirits.

“Y’know, since I moved up to Cup, I’ve learned that you can’t always win”, Stenhouse said.  “You can’t always finish top-five.  You can’t always get a top-ten.  Heck, you can’t even always qualify for every race.  But if you have a little ingenuity and a lot of spare time on your hands, you can make history.”