Sunday, November 6, 2022

Nascar Cup Championship Preview: Tale O’ The Tape

How do the four championship drivers compare to each other?  Well, let’s find out, shall we?

Performance to Expectations

Joey Logano: As expected

Christopher Bell: Much better

Chase Elliott: Good, but disappointing to him

Ross Chastain: Insanely good (in that you’d had to have been insane to pick him for the Championship 4)


Competition Personality

Joey Logano: Gratingly ingratiating, occasionally wrecky

Christopher Bell: Obscure, low-key

Chase Elliott: Popular with fans but strangely self-critical

Ross Chastain: Bull in a china shop, melon-based


“Legends” to Run Their Car Number

Joey Logano: Ward Burton, Dave Blaney

Christopher Bell: Greg Sacks, Erik Jones

Chase Elliott: Lake Speed, Dave Mader III

Ross Chastain: THE Rick Mast, Morgan Shepherd


Celebrity Connection

Joey Logano: Appeared on Raw that one time

Christopher Bell: Shares a name with a disabilities scholar

Chase Elliott: One-time cover model for “Georgia Magazine”

Ross Chastain: Team is co-owned by Pitbull (the rapper, not the animal)

ADVANTAGE: Elliott—instead of “going Hollywood”, he’s “going Sprayberry”


Joey Logano: Sliced Bread

Christopher Bell: C.Bell (admittedly not that great)

Chase Elliott: Chase from the Same Place

Ross Chastain: Melon Man


Biggest Controversy

Joey Logano: Fans accuse Nascar of rigging races so Penske wins

Christopher Bell: Fans accuse Nascar of rigging races so Gibbs wins

Chase Elliott: Fans accuse Nascar of rigging races so Hendrick wins

Ross Chastain: Using Delaware tax dollars to somehow combine seatbelt safety with watermelons


And so your 2022 Champion is…well, obviously the one driver who didn’t win any of these, Christopher Bell! NEW! updated four times weekly

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