Sunday, November 6, 2022

Nascar Cup Championship Preview: Tale O’ The Tape



How do the four championship drivers compare to each other?  Well, let’s find out, shall we?


Performance to Expectations

Joey Logano: As expected

Christopher Bell: Much better

Chase Elliott: Good, but disappointing to him

Ross Chastain: Insanely good (in that you’d had to have been insane to pick him for the Championship 4)

ADVANTAGE: Chastain


Competition Personality

Joey Logano: Gratingly ingratiating, occasionally wrecky

Christopher Bell: Obscure, low-key

Chase Elliott: Popular with fans but strangely self-critical

Ross Chastain: Bull in a china shop, melon-based

ADVANTAGE: Elliott


“Legends” to Run Their Car Number

Joey Logano: Ward Burton, Dave Blaney

Christopher Bell: Greg Sacks, Erik Jones

Chase Elliott: Lake Speed, Dave Mader III

Ross Chastain: THE Rick Mast, Morgan Shepherd

ADVANTAGE: Logano


Celebrity Connection

Joey Logano: Appeared on Raw that one time

Christopher Bell: Shares a name with a disabilities scholar

Chase Elliott: One-time cover model for “Georgia Magazine”

Ross Chastain: Team is co-owned by Pitbull (the rapper, not the animal)

ADVANTAGE: Elliott—instead of “going Hollywood”, he’s “going Sprayberry”


Nickname

Joey Logano: Sliced Bread

Christopher Bell: C.Bell (admittedly not that great)

Chase Elliott: Chase from the Same Place

Ross Chastain: Melon Man

ADVANTAGE: Logano


Biggest Controversy

Joey Logano: Fans accuse Nascar of rigging races so Penske wins

Christopher Bell: Fans accuse Nascar of rigging races so Gibbs wins

Chase Elliott: Fans accuse Nascar of rigging races so Hendrick wins

Ross Chastain: Using Delaware tax dollars to somehow combine seatbelt safety with watermelons

ADVANTAGE: Chastain


And so your 2022 Champion is…well, obviously the one driver who didn’t win any of these, Christopher Bell!

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