Sunday, November 20, 2022

June 11th 2023: Ross Chastain’s “Flaming Melon” Celebration Goes Horribly Wrong

One of Nascar’s most-tolerated post-race celebrations went awry this afternoon, with race-winner Ross Chastain’s first—and likely last—“Flaming Melon” celebration injuring nine.

“This wasn’t how it was supposed to be”, Chastain said from the infield care center, where he was treated for first-degree burns.  “We tried it back at the shop a few times, and there were no issues.  Maybe my PR guy got the wrong lighter fluid?”

Several members of the Nascar of Fox team were taken to the hospital with non-life-threatening injuries caused by debris from the flaming, flying produce.

“We’re happy to say that while several members of our crew were injured, they are all expected to make a complete recovery”, said a spokesman for Fox Sports.  “The biggest tragedy of all, of course, is that Michael Waltrip escaped completely unharmed.”

Chastain is not expected to be penalized, although today’s disaster will likely bring “exotic” post-race celebrations into question.

“First it was Chase Briscoe doing a victory lap in a tractor”, said Chastain, “then it was Chase Elliott eating an entire air filter.  I was just trying to keep up.  I guess its a good thing Kyle Busch hasn’t won yet—nobody wants to be sprayed with battery acid.”

Teammate Daniel Suarez, meanwhile, is expected to continue his “Jockey shorts for all” giveaway for every race win.

IN OTHER NEWS: Circuit of the Americas Repainted: “Fresh COTA Paint” Puns Abound NEW! updated four times weekly

Visit the store

Buy the book

A MOXOC Media production