BREAKING NEWS: Dale Earnhardt Jr. FAILS Post-Twitter-Race Inspection



After a weekend of controversy concerning inspection, one of Nascar's biggest-stars was caught post-race today, as Dale Earnhardt Jr. had his Twitter-race win taken away after failing inspection.
"After putting the 88 team through post-Twitter-race inspection, we've determined that they did not configure to our stringent templates and regulations", said Miss Sprint Cup Kim Coons, the official Twitter-race Steward.  "We work hard to provide an even playing field for our fans, and we will NOT tolerate anybody breaking the rules to win.  And for the hundredth time, no, I'm NOT the Miss Sprint Cup who posed nude."
EXCLUSIVE: Inside JR Motorsports
While officials were evasive in discussing what violations took place, a Spade Racing Investigation revealed the ugly truth:  Dale Earnhardt Jr. had a thousand monkeys chained to a thousand laptops, typing out the votes in the 60-second timeframe of the race.
"If you look at the rulebook, it EXPLICITLY forbids using multiple primates to win races", an unidentified source told Spade Racing in an exclusive interview.  "Reportedly, the race officials first learned of the duplicity when they received a vote for Dale Jr. with hashtag '#KYLEBUSCHISTHEBLURST'.  Really, that's a dead giveaway."
Kyle Busch, who finished a close second in the Twitter-race, is expected to be given the trophy and winner's share of the purse in a private ceremony tomorrow morning.  Dale Earnhardt Jr, meanwhile, vowed to fight the disqualification via appeal.
"We at JR Motorsports will fight this with every resource we have", Dale Jr. said in an official statement.  "There is NO WAY we are going to give up my first win since Michigan last year without a fight."