My ARCA Adventure

"Oh come on--the tape blends in FINE!"

This past Sunday my awesome dad and I skipped Nascar's dullest race of the year to take in the ARCA Series' Barbera's AutoLand 150 at New Jersey Motorsports Park.  All-in-all it was a pretty cool experience--here's some stray observations:

Me and the lovely Miss Duno

--Months ago I VERY briefly met Danica Patrick, and my first reaction was, "Wow, she's REALLY short".  Sunday I met Milka Duno, and my first reaction was, "Wow, now THOSE are curves!"

--The most-famous person there was Bill Elliott, who was there to coach/mentor his son Chase, a Hendrick development driver.  While I got a picture with Bill, I sadly forgot to tell him that Bill Elliott's FastTracks was the my favorite Game Boy game.

--Speaking of Chase, he looks really really young.  Conversely, 78-year-old James Hylton doesn't look a day over 90.

--I met Frank Kimmel, who seemed very nice and very down-to-earth.  Upon meeting him I thought, "Wow--NINE championships between us!"

"Got this cigar from Carl Haas!"

--My dad got Justin Boston to admit that he's not REALLY from Baltimore--he's from Towson (home of Mel Kiper Jr. and Elaine Benes).  This would be like a guy from Jacksonville claiming that he's actually from Daytona Beach.

--The backmarkers in this series are a pretty-motley group.  There was a medical doctor, a guy who resembled a serial killer, a driver who couldn't afford rain tires, and a driver who asked me if there was a shortcut back to Ohio that didn't involve driving through Philadelphia.

--Special points go to the unidentified driver making his ARCA debut, wearing uniform patches that were literally stapled to his fire suit.

All-in-all, a great day and a great race.  Yeah, I missed a popular win in Nascar, but I'm still boycotting "Smurfs 2"--any movie with Christina Ricci and Katy Perry that isn't Rated-R is abhorrent.

A Police Stop I'd Like to See

Indiana State Police Trooper: "OK, license and registration, please?………Hmmm…Anthony Stewart…do you have any idea how fast you were going?"

Tony Stewart: "Um, it was kinda hard to tell, I just finished running the race over at the Speedway".

Trooper: "Yeah, sure you were…*SNIFF SNIFF*…hmmm, you been drinkin' today, Mr. Stewart?"

Stewart: "No, that's just stale champagne from victory lane."

"Staring contest, Danica, until you
finish better than David Gilliland"

Trooper: "Oh REALLY?  So you won today and left the track right away?"

Stewart: "Oh I wish.  Truth is my guy Ryan Newman won, I co-own his team."

Trooper: "Yeah, right…what are the chances of a lame-duck driver winning?"

Stewart: "No, seriously, Ryan won today--he won from the pole, even!"

Trooper: "Wait a minute--isn't Newman the guy you're firing at the end of the season?"

Stewart: "Um, yeah, unfortunately we need the ride for Kevin Harvick."

Trooper: "But don't you have a THIRD team, Mr. Stewart?"

Stewart: "Um…yeah.  We do."

Trooper: "And where did THAT car finish today?"

Stewart: "…….thirtieth."

Trooper: "So let me get this straight--you have a driver who won today, won one of the biggest races of the year, and you're getting rid of him and keeping someone who finished THIRTIETH?!?"

Stewart: "Yeah, kinda weird how that worked out, huh?"

Trooper: "Um, Mr. Stewart--are you SURE you haven't been drinking?"

Indianapolis "News" and Notes

PROGRAMMING NOTE:  Weather-permitting, I'll be attending this Sunday's ARCA race with my awesome dad, which means that I'll be missing Nascar's most-boring race of the year.

--Congratulations, Nascar:  You successfully put on a Truck Series race on dirt that I couldn't watch.  EVERYTHING Nascar does should conform to MY schedule!  That's why I want to see RaceHub on at 4:30am every morning!

--Still no news on a possible sponsor for Dale Earnhardt Jr.  If this goes on any longer, he MIGHT have to start starting-and-parking to make ends meet.

--Ryan Newman is running a "Smurfs 2" paint scheme this weekend.  Yes, really.  This makes sense, since he and Smurfette voice-artist Katy Perry have about the same cup size.

--I'm guessing that last week's winner Brian Vickers will spend this off-weekend figuring out how he could win a race and still not be guaranteed a ride for next season.

--Considering how dirty those bricks must be, I'm hoping the crews have enough sense to use dental dams.