NascarMania XXX: Wash Away The Anger

With rain pouring down on Texas Motor Speedway, it's a good thing that Nascar has a backup plan--take the show to the Superdome and turn it into a wrestling program!  Here's a look at tonight's scheduled events:

(card subject to change)

Dark (non-televised opening) Matches

"Towering" Timothy Peters vs. "The Other Hermanator" German Quiroga--for control of the good bathroom at Red Horse Racing

"The Finger" Norm Benning vs. "Back Row" Jennifer Jo Cobb

Tonight's Special Guest Host

Sunday Night Tepid Humidity Matches

Jamie Dick "Out" vs. James "Head for the Mountains of" Buescher

"Cousin" Chris Buescher vs. "Daytona" Trevor Bayne--a former Roush Racing Lumberjack Match, with stars from the past acting as "lumberjacks" around the ring--Ted Musgrave!  Danny O'Quinn!  Kevin Lepage!  (and many more)

NascarMania Main Event Matches

Rookie of the Year Championship Match--"Cowboy" Austin Dillon vs. "Bullseye" Kyle Larson vs. "Happy to be Here" Justin Allgaier

"Richer" Childress Legacy Kids (Paul Menard, Brian Scott, Brendan Gaughan) vs. "Sons of a Guns" (John Hunter Nemechek, Chase Elliott, Corey LaJoie)--security guards will be on-hand to prevent Aric Almirola from strangling Brian Scott before the match.

"Flyin'" Ryan Truex vs. Alex "Pepper" Bowman--Escape from Burger King Match, the first competitor to leave the restaurant with Landon Cassill's money wins.

Start & Park Championship--JJ Yeley vs. Dave Blaney (whoever can get out of the ring fastest wins)

Intercontinental Championship--"Melbourne" Marcos Ambrose vs. Mystery Opponent (whichever driver can do the best Canadian accent)

"Bad" Brad Keselowski vs. Kurt "The Outlaw" Busch--Pitboard-on-a-pole Grudge Match

Tag Team Championship Match--"The Old Building" (Jeff Gordon & Kasey Kahne) vs. "The New Building" (Jimmie Johnson & Dale Earnhardt Jr.)--winner also gets a 1998 Honda Civic from Hendrick Used Cars with a REALLY low APR.

Sprint Cup Championship Match--"Marvelous" Matt Kenseth (with Denny Hamlin) vs. Tony "Smoke" Stewart (with Danica Patrick) vs. "Concrete" Carl Edwards (with Ricky Stenhouse Jr.)--with special guest referee Rubina.

Texas "News" and Notes

--Well, they're calling for rain AGAIN this weekend at the track.  I'm really starting to wonder if Darrell Waltrip's "Vortex Theory" is actually working in reverse, DRAWING rain towards where racing is happening.

--Derrike Cope just got married.  Well, all us single men just moved up a slot on the "Most Eligible Bachelor" list.

--It looks like Gene Haas's F1 team is going to become a reality.  Let the uninformed "Danica's going to F1" comments begin!

--Yes, fan voting is going on for the Nascar Hall of Fame, via Nascar's labyrinthine website.  But I couldn't vote for Robert Pressley.  And if I can't vote for Robert Pressley, what's the point?

--Anybody else wonder why us Nascar fans focus so much on TV ratings?  I mean, if the ratings for Houston Astros games are down 33%, do you think that the other two fans really care?

--Does the new Chase format make winning more important?  Yes, in relation to the championship.  But its not like drivers WEREN'T TRYING beforehand.  Well, besides Dave Blaney.

--Did Ty Dillon steal Dave Marcis's hat?

Goofus and Gallant: Nascar Edition 2: The Goofusing

Here's three new "Goofus and Gallant: Nascar Edition" entries--click here to check out the premiere entry.