As Seen on a North Carolina-area Classifieds Website


Note: This is a work of parody

FOR SALE—CHARTERS, EQUIPMENT, AND MORE!

Local race team is having a blowout sale for the rest of the year!  We can’t tell you who it is, but we’ll send you the address if you’re interested.  Check out all these items for sale—no reasonable offer will be refused!


—Two Nascar Cup Charters: Great condition, locks you into every points race in the 2025 season.


—Vintage Merchandise: Featuring motor oil, sandwich makers, pork processors, and watery domestic beer!  Many more may become available as the year progresses (possibly with blue ovals on them)!


—Like-New Equipment: We’re downsizing and this stuff is priced to move!  Springs, axles, carbon fiber, and plenty of tungsten!  None are stained by anything like grease, dirt, or victory lane confetti!


—Crew Members: Bring home your own properly-trained jackman, hauler driver, or engineer for cheap!  All arrangements must be made with team members before taking possession and BYOHT (Bring Your Own Hand Truck).


All this and plenty more is available—shoot us a message and we’ll arrange a time for you to come over.  Plus, order now and get a free box of fig bars (possibly expired)!



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Does this track have lights?


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