Monday, July 25, 2022


With NASCAR Cup focusing more on short-tracks and road courses than ever, teams have begun putting more resources into developing more robust and sturdy race cars.  Special Protective Advance Defense Department Detachment (SPAD3) Racing is at the forefront of this movement, today unveiling a so-called “unbreakable car”.

First prototype of the
"unbreakable car"

“We’re really proud with what we’ve been able to do here”, said fabricator Brian Oates.  “We really started with a ‘blank sheet of paper’ and asked ourselves—what would you do if you could create a car from the ground up, within regulations, that could withstand being slammed into at Martinsville, hopping a curb at the Roval, or being shot at by counter-intelligence from Europe?  Well, this is the result.”

The new race car, which the team hopes to get approval for by the following month, can be crashed into, punted into walls, or lit on fire by freedom fighters without much of a reduction in performance.

“The secret—well, not really THE secret—but rather the key point is the types of metals we used”, said team community relations director Michael Hamilton, “and we’re proud to say that more than 50% of them are recycled.  Who knew that decommissioned weapons would make such great sheetmetal, huh?”

While Hamilton was rushed off-site by half a dozen men in suits and sunglasses, engineer Oates admitted that there were several drawbacks to the design.

“Obviously the issue we had was the cost involved—you couldn’t just make 20-something cars like teams do now”, Oates said.  “But we feel that while the initial investment would be pretty high, the cost-savings benefits would be huge over an entire season.  So we think our ideas will be VERY persuasive while talking to NASCAR higher-ups.”

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