Brad Keselowski’s impending departure for Roush Fenway Racing in 2022 is currently Nascar’s worst-kept secret. While reasons such as a minority ownership stake and outside business opportunities were suspected to be the cause of Keselowski’s departure from Team Penske, Brad K hinted today at the REAL reason—a better vending machine.
“Well, whatever your name is, being part of the RoushYates Engines and Ford Motorsports families, I’ve had a few chances to visit the Roush Fenway Racing campus”, Keselowski said in an exclusive interview with Spade Racing. “And while the team hasn’t performed as well on track as they once did, one can’t help but be impressed with the vending machine they have in the employee break room. I mean, really—you should see this thing!”
Keselowski then went on to detail the advantages of said vending machine, believed to be located between a soda vending machine of rather ordinary status and a trash can.
“This thing has everything—they have Cooler Ranch Doritos, I haven’t had them since I was a kid! And they have three different types of Ramen bowls. That’s so convenient when you’re working late and don’t want to order out for a pizza. I mean, this thing, whoever stocks it, knows what they’re doing!”
Keselowski then compared the RFR-located vending machine to the kind he normally encounters with his current team.
“I mean the Team Penske vending machines are alright, I guess, but the ones at Penske have way too many ‘healthy options’”, Keselowski reasoned. “I mean, the Roush Fenway one has one or two low-calorie choices—you don’t need a whole refrigerated machine full of vegetables that nobody ever buys anyways.”
Out of respect for Team Penske and in accordance with his current contract, Keselowski has refused to confirm or deny the widely-spread rumor that he will be driving for a possibly-renamed Roush Fenway Keselowski Racing in 2022. However, his vending machine comments seem to all but confirm his plans.
“I can see it now, munching on some corn chips, then a nice Mr. Goodbar—when’s the last time you had one of those, huh?”, Keselowski said. “Plus, I mean, who wouldn’t want to race for a team co-owner with a funny hat?”