As you’ve no doubt noticed, there’s no Nascar race this weekend due to the outbreak of COVID-19, aka Coronavirus. The disease is easily spread which has led to all major sports leagues to cancel their events—including Nascar, one of the last to make the decision to postpone. At the very least we have two weeks of no racing, so here’s how YOU can make it through this unexpected interruption:
STAY AWAY FROM THE RACE SHOPS—as documented on Spade Racing’s sister site Race Shop Reviews, virtually all Nascar race shops (which are normally open to the public) and the Nascar Hall of Fame are closed to visitors indefinitely. For those of you who don’t live in the Carolina region, this will be easy—just make sure you don’t get in a car or plane headed towards the Queen City. If you DO live near there, just don’t go anywhere with “Racing” or “Motorsports” in the name. Well, unless you actually WORK for a Nascar team, in which case please drop off my (disinfected) resume.
INTERACT WITH IDIOTS—when you post about Nascar being cancelled on social media, you’ll be sure to hear from plenty of morons who’ll respond with such bon mots as “No fans? Sounds normal to me!”. These are the same people who tend to call it “NAPCAR” or “NASCRAP” and, for the most part, have never experienced joy or happiness in their life.
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| Looks like an old Travis Pastrana paint scheme |
INDULGE YOUR CREATIVE SIDE—most of us have more time in the home than ever before, so this is a great time to get a little creative. Work on some Nascar-inspired artwork—who wouldn’t want a wall-sized mural of Phil Parsons in their living room? Work on a racing-themed song in order to become the Marty Robbins of the 2020’s. Go through old pictures from past-races to make a collage of you meeting famous racers covered up with your thumb. Just don’t write Nascar comedy—that’s MY turf!
DON’T HOARD—unfortunately some jerks have been stocking up on hand sanitizer, face-masks, and, oddly enough, toilet paper. Don’t do that. First of all, its immoral, like staying out to lead a lap when you don’t even get a bonus point for it. Second of all, its a bad look—did ANYONE like Jack Roush when he had five teams in the Chase? Third of all, more than likely you won’t make your money back—you just KNOW there’s a guy with boxes and boxes of Kenny Irwin merchandise from 2000 sitting in his garage.
STAY SAFE AND STAY CALM—it might seem tough, but by using common sense hygiene (i.e. washing your hands for the duration of the old Metallica “Fuel” theme from Nascar on NBC) and avoiding large crowds (so the JJ Yeley Fan Club meeting should still be OK) you’ll be doing your part to stop the spread of this disease. And remember to try to remain calm—don’t sucker punch the next person you see coughing, even if you’re one of the Bassett brothers.