Ryan Newman Wins Post-Race Bus Race Over Pit Crew



Though he missed the Chase on a tiebreaker (less 2nd place finishes than Martin Truex Jr.), Ryan Newman found a silver lining at Richmond, easily winning the post-race bus race over his pit crew.
"Well, at least this team can win SOMETHING", a dejected Newman said in the Greyhound Bus Victory Lane. 
"Loan me a better pit crew"
"We missed the Chase, and if the race had stayed green, we'd have won the race AND made the Chase.  You know, if it wasn't for luck, I'd win every race, even though I don't have a race-winning pit crew."
Newman, who blamed his loss in the Federated Auto Parts 400 on a substandard final pit stop, quickly exited his car and commandeered a tour bus parked in the garage area.  Newman then proceeded to drive the bus at record speeds over his pit crew, team, and support staff.
"Believe me, I wish I was in the Chase, even though I wouldn't have had any shot to win with my pit crew", Newman fumed.  "I mean, I took a pay cut so we could stay competitive.  I sacrificed, and I'm a slightly lesser millionaire for it."
Newman was joined in Victory Lane by last night's winner of the Passive Aggressive Whining race winner, Brian
"LODGE a formal complaint?
Are you SHORE about that?"
Scott.  Scott echoed Newman's complaints, albeit about restarts.
"Well, if Nascar doesn't give us clarity on the rules, how can we really win?  If we don't know the restart rules, then how are we able to compete for wins?  I'd be worried if I was in charge of Nascar--I have the whole state of Idaho behind ME."
Newman, who was recently told that he was losing his ride at Stewart Haas Racing at the end of the season, said that he is already looking forward to the 2014 Daytona 500.
"Next year I'll be with a team that has a chance to win, I guarantee you that", Newman told the assembled media.  "Unless we start the season with a bunch of wrecks, in which case I'm sure it'll be someone else's fault again."