Kyle Busch Sued for False Advertising in "Everything is Great" T-Shirts

Adding to Kyle Busch's mounting drama over the 2017 season, a group of fans has filed a class-action lawsuit against the driver for making false statements, most notably that "Everything is Great". 

"My clients number in the thousands--they all bought the aforementioned 'Everything is Great' t-shirts sold by Mr. Busch", attorney Logan Joseph said at a press conference. "They bought the shirts based on the premise that, in reference to Mr. Busch, everything WAS great. Well, after his actions on Sunday nigh—er, Monday morning, that claim has been proven patently false."

Busch gave a terse, sarcastic reply to a reporter's question in the post-race press conference, despite his previous claims to the media that everything was, in fact, great. 

"Mr. Busch has been a party to lies before", Joseph said. "From article after article calling him 'matured' to claiming that winning 200 races across the three touring series is somehow impressive, these lies must stop."

Joseph said he would be seeking financial restitution, punitive damages, and an admission that a world champion race case driver with a beautiful family has no right to be so pissy all the time. 

The 2017 Spade Racing Updated Paint Scheme--Coming Soon to a Fever Dream Near YOU!

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Martin Truex Jr. Leading Most-Important Race in Nascar History

A day full of racing should conclude with Nascar’s longest race of the year, the Coke 600.  And for the first-time ever, the race will be run with four stages—not three like usual so far this season.  As a result, more points are given out (relative to the contemporary point system) for this race than any in Nascar history, making the eventual victorious driver’s win the most-important in the history of the sport.

“This is the biggest moment of my life”, said Martin Truex Jr. upon exiting his car for the current rain delay.  “We all know that Nascar isn’t about beating the best of the best, or winning on Sunday with what you brought—its about earning season-long points and stage-based bonus points in order to have better positioning in the final ten playoff races.  That’s why we do what we do, and that’s why this would be such an important win—THE most-important win in history, bar-none.”

While the Coke 600 has often been considered one of the sport’s “crown-jewel” events given its prestige and unique length, the addition of a fourth stage, and the attendant bonus points, immediately elevated the race above such historic races as the 1979 Daytona 500, the inaugural Brickyard 400, and numerous championship duels held at Atlanta, Homestead, and Riverside.

“Wrecking so early in this race is the greatest disappointment in my career, and probably in my life”, driver Chase Elliott said after exiting his destroyed race car early in the incredibly-important proceedings.  “I know that those other 37 drivers out there will be giving it their all, and why wouldn’t they?  There’s even more bonus points than usual at stake today.  These are the kinds of things that can make or break whether or not a driver has enough bonus points at Homestead to be really nervous, or just moderately nervous.”

Track owner Bruton Smith was his usual modest self when talking about the mighty importance of the signature race at his signature track, saying, “I suggested stages years ago!  I invented stage racing!  And stock car racing!  And idiot employees standing around giving fans the wrong directions!”

Nascar chairman Brian France was said to be so impressed with the reaction to the mega-importance of the race that he will be instituting five stages per Cup race beginning next weekend at Dover.