Dover BINGO

“News” and Notes takes a hiatus during the Chase—instead, here’s a fun game you can play at home while watching the race on tv.  In honor of Douglas Ladd’s great idea, here’s Spade Racing’s BINGO!

Daniel Hemric Revealed as Third Dillon Brother “Dex Dillon”

The mystery of the hiring of Daniel Hemric to run full-time for Richard Childress Racing has been solved, as a week after his signing was announced, team officials have revealed that Hemric is actually the long-long third “Dillon Brother” of Austin and Ty.

“DNA results show that the man currently known as Daniel Hemric is actually Dexter ‘Dex’ Dillon, long-lost younger brother of Austin and Ty”, a team official confirmed in a recent press release.  “We are working diligently to integrate this long lost Childress family member into the family, namely by giving him a job driving for our race team.”

The existence of Dex Dillon had been rumored for years, but the identification of the former Hemric as the long-lost grandson of Richard Childress was still a shock to the racing world.

“We are glad to have Dex coming home to the family, race team, and marketing platform, and will help him gain a whole new fanbase thanks to our Tangential Earnhardt Connection”, the team official continued in the prepared statement.  “We have already provided him with a guaranteed ride for 2017, and will continue to provide for him with a large assortment of cowboy hats.  We will soon begin his face-enlarging procedures as well.”

Dex Dillon becomes the third member of the RCR racing team to have blood relation to the team’s owner, with other drivers Paul Menard and Brendan Gaughan holding rides thanks to their billionaire families.

In related news, Ryan Newman was seen frantically buying Powerball tickets while attempting to forge his birth certificate to read “Shooter Dillon”.

Darrell Waltrip Furious with NBC for Lack of Danica Patrick Coverage

Darrell Waltrip was reportedly furious in his Kentucky home after today’s Cup race, angry with NBC’s coverage—or lack thereof—of driver Danica Patrick’s day.

They called him "Jaws" because he
ate up Past Champions Provisionals

“How could they barely talk about her!” Waltrip was overheard by neighbors

yelling to no one in particular.  “She was up there in the LEAD about 2/3rds of the way in thanks to pit strategy—how could nobody point out that genius strategic move she made?!?”

Waltrip, who works as a broadcaster for Fox for the first part of the season, is well-known for his fervent appreciation for Patrick’s on-track performance.

“It’s bad enough that we don’t have (Dale Earnhardt) Junior running now—NBC is missing the big stories!”, Waltrip continued in his diatribe.  “I mean, 18th place?  That’s better than more than half the field! That should be the first thing they’re talking about in the post-race, not who happened to come in first.”

Waltrip, a three-time Cup champion, is best-know to fans today as a broadcaster for constantly bringing up things such as Danica, his win in the 1989 Daytona 500, and Danica.

“People wonder why Nascar is lagging in the ratings, well THERE’S your answer”, Waltrip said, barely calming down from his furor.  “You have to tell the fans what the story is, and the story is obviously that little lady running out there, doing her best to stay on the lead lap.  The whole thing just makes me mad.”

NBC’s crew was unavailable for comment, as they were trying to explain to fans how the first green flag of the day could be considered a restart.