NascarMania: Like WrestleMania, but for Nascar, you see…

Tonight is The Granddaddy of Them All, The Showcase of the Immortals, The Thing Smarks Whine About Every Year—WrestleMania.  With a show expected to go over seven hours long from start to finish, there’s quite a few Nascar-themed matches on the card.  Here’s a preview (card subject to change):

PRE-SHOW:

Jimmy Spencer The Giant Memorial Battle Royale: 20 drivers on the back end of the Cup garage compete for a life-sized trophy and a chance to meet Jimmy Spencer himself, who will angrily remind them that he’s not dead.

PRELIMINARY MATCHES:

Christopher “C-Bell” Bell vs. Matt “Matty D” DiBenedetto vs. Erik “That” Jones “Boy” in a Two-Falls Elimination Match—winner of the first fall gets the 20 Cup car in 2020, winner of the second gets the 95 Cup car, loser gets five races in the JR Motorsports “All-Star” car.

Brandon “BJ” Jones vs. Matt “Master of his” Craft-on—$10,000 Menards Challenge, winner gets a $10,000 shopping spree at Menards, loser gets a $100 gift certificate to Hechinger’s.

Darrell “Bubba” Wallace Jr. vs. Justin “Filter Fury” Haley—Loser leaves RCR campus match

CHAMPIONSHIP MATCHES:

Six-Man Tag Championship: The Front Row (Matt Tiffffft, Michael McDowell, and David Ragan) vs. The SH(u)R(e) Things (Aric Almiola, Clint Bowyer, and Daniel Suarez)—if McDowell and Suarez touch before the match bell, both will be suspended for six months.

European Championship: Alon “The Israeli Insurrection” Day vs. Bobby “Yes, I Ran in Europe Last Year” Labonte

Hardcore Championship: Kurt “The Survivor” Busch vs. Jimmie “Ol Seven Time” Johnson—winner of this falls count anywhere weapons encouraged match gets to take a time machine back ten years

Intracontinental Championship: Kyle “The Elk Grove Ninja” Larson vs. Chase “My first name’s actually a nickname” Elliott: winner finally gets out of his contract with Chevy

Tag Team Championship: The Penske Posse (Joey Logano and Ryan Blaney) vs. Coach’s Crew (Denny Hamlin and Martin Truex Jr.)—former Washington football players and current Penske Automotive techs barred from ringside

World Championship: Kyle “Rowdy Rowdy Bowdy Bowdy” Busch vs. Kevin “Happy” Harvick vs. Brad “No Nicknames Needed” Brad Keselowski

Spade Racing Picks: Uncle Max vs. Mystery Picker—Bristol

EDITOR’S NOTE: Uncle Max texted me his picks this week along with a message that he was busy mediating a dispute at work over the AAF disbanding.  His picks are listed below, along with Mystery Picker’s:

CUP SERIES Food City 500: Mystery Picker picks Austin Dillon.  Favorite (2 wins): Kyle Busch—in which Rowdy takes out his anger on not being able to race on Saturday on the Cup field.  Next Favorite: Denny Hamlin—two in a row.  Dark Horse: William Byron—a little pit strategy and a lot of luck could work wonders.

XFINITY SERIES (4 wins) Alsco 300: Christopher Bell—only one man can stop him…and he’s not allowed to run this race.

Opening a Sealed Box of 2019 Donruss Racing Cards PACK 5

Recently I got a sealed box of 2019 Donruss Racing Cards—24 packs, 8 cards per pack.  Join me as I go through the entire case, pack-by-pack, to see what awaited me. (Click any picture to enlarge)

PACK 5 OF 24: The King, a 90’s Thing, and a Slight “Ding”

OVERVIEW: While its awesome to include so many little history lessons for what are, in theory, younger fans to collect, here we see the possible issue with that—only two cards in this pack are from active drivers.  We also see that Donruss hasn’t outgrown last year’s Carl Edwards obsession—guys, he ain’t coming back.

SPECIAL SPECIAL: The “RACE KINGS” subset are stars of the sport shown against what appears to be an impressionist background.  See?  Who says I know nothing about art—I’m as cultured as a yogurt pack!

IN FOCUS: Wow—we get “Retro Rated Rookies” this year, and no better way to see them first than with a Richard Petty OPTIC variant.  The only downside is that, as you can see, the OPTICs don’t really photograph all that well.

SPOTLIGHT: “Awesome Bill from Dawsonville” gets the totally tubular 90’s Decades of Speed treatment here, which is strange since the 90’s were probably his worst decade as a driver.  Bogus.

SCORE: 6 throwback paint schemes out of 10