Spade Racing Opens a Box of 2023 Donruss Cards, Pack 15 of 24



Pack 15: Danica x2, what’s old is new, and Chase Part Deux


FIRST LOOK: Twice the Danica in this pack, even though she hasn’t raced anywhere in years.  Surprised she won’t even attempt SRX—oh wait, that’s right, she doesn’t like racing.


TO THE BACK: They keep mentioning Hemric’s 2022 Daytona Xfinity pole—were these written 15 months ago?


SAY WHAT: “We are ChaseClones—out of our way.”


RATING: 2 green flag commercials out of 10



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Track “Facts”: COTA (Austin)




Nascar races on all sorts of tracks, from short to long, oval to road course, concrete to asphalt.  Here’s a weekly look at all the tracks of Nascar’s National Touring Series.


CIRCUIT OF THE AMERICAS


3.426 mile asphalt road course


Opened 2012


Lights?  No


Series: Cup, Xfinity, Trucks


Nicknames: COTA, America’s Tilkedrome


THREE FUN FACTS:

1. What’s a “Tilkedrome”?  Essentially, its Formula 1’s version of a “cookie-cutter” track, a road course with far too much in common with other road courses designed by Herman Tilke.  See?  American racing fans aren’t the only ones allowed to be bitter.


2. A 5,000 seat stadium is located inside the track, built for a minor league soccer team that relocated after the 2001 season.  Abandoning stadiums—what is this, a Summer Olympics?


3. Circuit of the Americas has hosted the United States Grand Prix F1 race since 2012.  This year a THIRD race in the US is added to the F1 calendar, because if something works once, might as well saturate the HELL out of it.



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The Hero Card Project Part 10

 


Click here for Part 9

Another year, another season.  Another season, another batch of hero card requests sent out to Nascar Cup, Xfinity, Truck, and ARCA teams!  CLICK HERE to learn more about hero cards, one of my favorite things to collect.  These cards arrived on November 25th.

A late-arriving shipment from JR Motorsports--one autograph, two owner cards...

...and a potato salad recipe!



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Musically Declined: Nascar Runnin’ Wide Open—Dedicated to Nascar Fans



In 1995 Nascar was starting to get hot.  Jeff Gordon was on his way to his first Cup championship, TV ratings were on the rise, and for the first time ever, stock car racing was somewhat cool.  So what better way to celebrate the sport’s success than with an album of bland middle-of-the-road country music?

The Song: Dedicated to Nascar Fans

The Star: T. Graham Brown

The Clip: https://youtu.be/cW0VlGOR_ss?si=Om3atlfHZrjCnhPQ

The Review: If you were to ask the average American non-Nascar, non-country fan in the mid-90’s, “What would a song by fans, about fans sound like”, they’d probably come up with something like this.  Bad vocals, cornball lyrics, and terrible slant-rhymes abound.  I can only hope that this was the product of an out-of-touch executive and not an actual Southerner.

The Verdict: Terrible—like a stereotype of a stereotype.



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Spade Racing Opens a Box of 2023 Donruss Cards, Pack 14 of 24



Pack 14: Signed delights, under the lights, and in his sights


FIRST LOOK: An autograph by Xfinity Series stalwart Justin Allgaier!  No jokes here—its just a nice thing to get.


TO THE BACK: “The rising driver”?  Sure seems to be stuck in Trucks to me.


SAY WHAT: “What’s that over there?  That’s strange—a team I haven’t driven for.”


RATING: 8 spins out of 10



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Musically Declined: Lonnie Hillard’s Race Tracks II, Message to the Rookie & Sound Effects



Stock Car Racing and Country Music—two pillars of culture in the Southern United States.  And the two have mingled throughout the years.  So put on your racing shoes, make sure they match your cowboy hat, and settle in for a look back at some of Nascar’s biggest stars turned Nashville wannabes!


The Song: Message to the Rookie & Joe Saba (Sound Effects Expert)


The Stars: none (no drivers on these)


The Clips: 




The Review: Probably should’ve called the former track “Don’t Lift”, since that’s what they say most of the time.  The latter track, meanwhile, is the definition of filler.


The Verdict: Emblematic of the entire album—unnecessary.



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Musically Declined: Nascar Runnin’ Wide Open



In 1995 Nascar was starting to get hot.  Jeff Gordon was on his way to his first Cup championship, TV ratings were on the rise, and for the first time ever, stock car racing was somewhat cool.  So what better way to celebrate the sport’s success than with an album of bland middle-of-the-road country music?


Join me as I take a look back at this collection of music (and stand-up comedy) from the start of the “Nascar Boom” throughout this offseason, and figure out just how good, bad, or bland it really was.


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Spade Racing Opens a Box of 2023 Donruss Cards, Pack 13 of 24



Pack 13: A nice smile, a developing style, and a lot of guile


FIRST LOOK: Here we see Hailie smiling as she looks out of the sea of creeps—er, I mean, fans of hers.


TO THE BACK: The second-straight set where they praise a third-place finish? Odd.


SAY WHAT: “Hey you—get out of my victory lane photo!”


RATING: 5 Darlington Stripes out of 10



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Track “Facts”: Kansas



Nascar races on all sorts of tracks, from short to long, oval to road course, concrete to asphalt.  Here’s a bi-weekly look at all the tracks of Nascar’s National Touring Series.


KANSAS SPEEDWAY


1.5 mile asphalt tri-oval


Opened 2001


Lights?  Yes


Series: Cup, Xfinity, Trucks


Nicknames: The Casino, Dust in the Wind


THREE FUN FACTS:

1. Why is it called “Kansas Speedway” and not “Kansas City Speedway”?  Because the track is located in Kansas City KANSAS, not Kansas City Missouri.  What, did you think it was named for the irritating prog rock band?


2. Kansas Speedway is emblematic of a number of “cookie-cutter” 1.5 mile tracks built in the mid-to-late-90’s around the country.  Considering how terrible the “cookie-cutter” stadiums were that were built in the 70’s, you’d think Nascar could’ve done about thirty seconds of research to realize what a terrible idea this was.


3. Kansas Speedway has a casino attached to the track, just like Dover Motor Speedway.  However, there’s no horse track at Kansas (…yet).



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Spade Racing Season Review, Offseason Preview (and a late Hero Card!)



Well another season is in the books.  Congrats to Ryan Blaney on his Cup championship, Cole Custer on his Xfinity championship, and Ben Rhodes on his Truck championship—you’re all deserving winners (but Cole—do something about the nickname.  You’re not “Stone Cole”.)

For anyone new here, don’t worry—pieces will continue here at Spade Racing through the offseason, at least three a week!  And as the 2024 season approaches (which is only about 100 days away) I’ll be back with another season of comedy, commentary, and cards.


2023 2x4 Champion: Christopher Bell


Uncle Max Pick Standings:

TRUCK SERIES (3 wins)

XFINITY SERIES (3 wins)

CUP SERIES  The Tarot Deck (2 wins)

FAVORITE (0 wins)

NEXT FAVORITE (1 win)

DARK HORSE (0 wins)


Two signed cards from Bret Holmes!


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Spade Racing Opens a Box of 2023 Donruss Cards, Pack 12 of 24



Pack 12: Green card, green car, and green with envy


FIRST LOOK: The green variant on the sides of this card looks great—mostly because Texas Terry’s uniform has those colors on it.  Otherwise it just looks Christmas-y.


TO THE BACK: Talking about Kyle Busch and mentioning a third-place finish in a race is like talking about an Olympic Gold Medalist and mentioning their third-place finish in the Pan-Am Games.


SAY WHAT: “Believe me, if I still had good hair I wouldn’t be wearing this hat.”


RATING: 3 scoring pylons out of 10



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