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| "There--THAT should keep Bill Weber out!" |
Even though ESPN lost the rights to Nascar telecasts from 2015-forward, they're still going full-on ahead with their coverage of the Nascar Sprint Cup Series. Here's a look at the innovations Disney's profitable subsidiary has in the works for THIS season:
--Side-by-Side Commercial Coverage: ESPN keeps YOU in the action with commercials airing beside live coverage of the race! This ensures that every caution, wreck, and green-flag pit stop will happen during the two minutes of local commercials they have to show unobstructed.
--Boomer Blockage: We've all made the mistake of tuning in a few minutes too early and catching something that vaguely resembles NFL Countdown. Now, with patent-pending technology, ESPN makes sure that nobody has to stare at Chris Berman's huge combed-over head while waiting for Allan Bestwick's introduction. (Please note that Chris Berman's voice cannot be muted as of yet).
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| "If Rusty Wallace still has that time machine, I'd like to use it to go back to 1999" |
--Kid Rock: Last year, ESPN hired Kid Rock to provide spoken-word passages on each Chase race. This year, we're bringing the Rock to YOU! 10 lucky fans will earn a day of Kid Rock at the venue of their choice (their house, Martinsville, their job, etc.). Have Kid Rock do your laundry! Have Kid Rock drink himself into a stupor! Have Kid Rock tell you meandering stories about Detroit! The choice is yours!
--Deuce Redux: Relive your youth with custom-graphics packages in the style of the old "X-TREEM" ESPN2! Yes, for once, you can see how bRaD kESeLowSKi is doing, with his name displayed against a splash of teal and purple. Its like 1997 all over again! (Well, except that Bobby Labonte isn't a legitimate competitor).