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The Worldwide Leader in Lame Duck Motorsports Coverage

"There--THAT should keep Bill Weber out!"


Even though ESPN lost the rights to Nascar telecasts from 2015-forward, they're still going full-on ahead with their coverage of the Nascar Sprint Cup Series.  Here's a look at the innovations Disney's profitable subsidiary has in the works for THIS season:

--Side-by-Side Commercial Coverage:  ESPN keeps YOU in the action with commercials airing beside live coverage of the race!  This ensures that every caution, wreck, and green-flag pit stop will happen during the two minutes of local commercials they have to show unobstructed.

--Boomer Blockage:  We've all made the mistake of tuning in a few minutes too early and catching something that vaguely resembles NFL Countdown.  Now, with patent-pending technology, ESPN makes sure that nobody has to stare at Chris Berman's huge combed-over head while waiting for Allan Bestwick's introduction.  (Please note that Chris Berman's voice cannot be muted as of yet).
"If Rusty Wallace still has that time
machine, I'd like to use it to go back
to 1999"

--Kid Rock:  Last year, ESPN hired Kid Rock to provide spoken-word passages on each Chase race.  This year, we're bringing the Rock to YOU!  10 lucky fans will earn a day of Kid Rock at the venue of their choice (their house, Martinsville, their job, etc.).  Have Kid Rock do your laundry!  Have Kid Rock drink himself into a stupor!  Have Kid Rock tell you meandering stories about Detroit!  The choice is yours!

--Deuce Redux:  Relive your youth with custom-graphics packages in the style of the old "X-TREEM" ESPN2!  Yes, for once, you can see how bRaD kESeLowSKi is doing, with his name displayed against a splash of teal and purple.  Its like 1997 all over again!  (Well, except that Bobby Labonte isn't a legitimate competitor).