Nascar Race Picks: Uncle Max vs. The Tarot Deck—Chicago

EDITOR’S NOTE: Uncle Max is away on vacation.  Here’s the picks he texted me last night:

TRUCK SERIES (2 wins)—off

Saturday Afternoon XFINITY SERIES (1 win) The Loop 121: Sheldon Creed—why not? This is going to be a massive crapshoot.

Sunday CUP SERIES Grant Park 220:  The Tarot Deck (1 win) selects the the The Hermit, Martin Truex Jr.  FAVORITE: Chase Elliott—“They fixed it so a popular driver would win”. NEXT FAVORITE: Tyler Reddick—“They fixed it for McDonalds”.  DARK HORSE: AJ Allmendinger—“The fixed it for…well, they fixed it for some reason.”

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Spade Racing Opens a Box of 2021-22 Panini Prizm Nascar Cards, Pack 8 of 12

Join us (well, me) as we/I go through a box of 2022 Panini Prizm Nascar Cards.  Because there’s 12 cards per pack, each pack is split in two.

Pack 8 Part 2—An Autograph Place, a Moment with Chase, and The “Final” Race

FIRST LOOK: Nice autograph here from Kaz Grala.  This is as good a time as any to point out that there were no “memorabilia cards” this time, so no sheet metal, tires, or fire suits.  On the plus side, now I can work on forging Kaz Grala’s signature.

TO THE BACK: That’s a pretty exclusive club right there.  Also ironic that Dale Sr. also did it, since Chase’s personal logo (seen on his neck gaiter) kinda looks like the old Dale Sr. “tribute” logo from the early-00’s.

SAY WHAT: “Yep, this is my last race.  Unless someone wants me to come back.”

RATING: 7 pit stalls out of 10

Track “Facts”: Dover

Nascar races on all sorts of tracks, from short to long, oval to road course, concrete to asphalt.  Here’s a bi-weekly look at all the tracks of Nascar’s National Touring Series.

DOVER MOTOR SPEEDWAY

1 mile concrete oval

Opened 1969

Lights?  No

Series: Cup, Xfinity

Nicknames: The Monster Mile, Dover Downs, Kyle Petty’s Favorite Track

THREE FUN FACTS:

1. Dover is the lone track which serves both race cars and horses, with a harness track located inside the auto track.  In theory Nascar could hold a race on the horse track similar to that of the Clash at the Coliseum, but Dover’s about 1/2000th as impactful as Los Angeles.

2. Dover was Nascar’s first track to add on a casino, giving race fans a great chance to enjoy air conditioning whilst draining their life savings at slot machines.

3. Dover switched from asphalt to concrete for its racing surface in 1995, briefly employing the nickname “White Lighting”.  Because if there’s one thing that brings attention to a race track, its sharing a nickname with hooch.

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NBC/USA’s Changes for 2023

Much like Fox begins its Nascar coverage every year with the historic Daytona 500, NBC begins ITS coverage every year with the historic…Ally 400.  Anyways, here’s some changes you can look forward to on NBC and USA in 2023:

—Additional supplemental Dale Jr. programming to join “The Dale Jr. Download” and “Lost Speedways”, such as “Dale Jr. Makes a Sandwich” and “Conversations with Dale’s 2nd Cousin Larry”.

—Replays of USA-broadcast races late Saturdays as part of USA’s Up All Night 2.0 with Ronda Sheer and an AI-generated Gilbert Gottfried.

—Plenty of cross-series cross-promotion for all seven people who also watch NBC’s IndyCar coverage.

—In order to make him out to be “NBC’s Clint Bowyer”, Jeff Burton will go back in time and blatantly cheat in a crucial race.

—Prizes for better ratings! 4 million viewers will see four fans get VIP trips to Phoenix, 5 million will see five viewers get to guest-broadcast for five minutes each, and 6 million will see six fans get to cut off Kyle Petty’s ponytail!

—“Throwback Weekend” at Darlington will see a tribute to Benny Parsons, Allen Bestwick serve as a guest commentator, Wally Dallenbach Jr. bring back “Wally’s World”, and Bill Weber work an extra shift at the Orlando gift shop.

—Plenty of opportunities for geeks like me to whine about coverage, when the best we could do is say “wow look at that” over and over again on commentary.

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Nascar Race Picks: Uncle Max vs. The Tarot Deck—Nashville

Its getaway week for Uncle Max!

Yes, I just started at my new location, but I already had the first week of July (and a few days before that) blocked-off for my annual beach house vacation with my buddies.  So by the time you’ll be reading this, I’ll be sitting in traffic with a cooler full of meat ready to be BBQ’d!

Just a reminder that if you ever get to stay at a friend’s place for free, take care of them either by cooking them dinner or leaving them a gift card.  It’ll also cover yourself for that time you throw up in the pool—hey, it was a bad batch of potato salad that someone else brought!

Friday Night TRUCK SERIES (2 wins) Rackley Roofing 200: Matt DiBennedetto—sponsor’s race? Sponsor’s truck.

Saturday Afternoon XFINITY SERIES (1 win) Tennessee Lottery 250: Zane Smith—as surprise back-to-back for RSS (no, not the software).

Sunday CUP SERIES Ally 400:  The Tarot Deck (1 win) selects the the Six of Pentacles, 6th in points Kyle Busch.  FAVORITE: Alex Bowman—sponsor’s race?  Sponsor’s car. NEXT FAVORITE: Martin Truex Jr.—will he be asked about retirement in Victory Lane?  DARK HORSE: Brad Keselowski—I’m thinkin’ Fuel Mileage.

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The Hero Card Project: Part 6

Click here for Part 5

Another year, another season.  Another season, another batch of hero card requests sent out to Nascar Cup, Xfinity, Truck, and ARCA teams!  CLICK HERE to learn more about hero cards, one of my favorite things to collect.  Both of these arrived on June 15th.

Look at ALL THESE CARDS (some of them signed)
from Young's Motorsports!

Two different cards (two of one) from
Jennifer Jo Cobb

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Musically Declined: Kyle Petty, The Circus Song

Kyle Petty—racer, philanthropist, commentator, and musician!  Kyle’s musical exploits have been going on since the 80’s, but just how good are they?  Let’s take a look back at the songs of Nascar’s favorite long-haired scion.

The Song: The Circus Song

The Star: Kyle Petty (with David Childers)

The Clip: https://youtu.be/8BOcY5lS9jc?t=21

The Review: On the one hand its another “it wasn’t as good as when I was there” paean to the past.  On the other hand, who better to compare Nascar’s past to Nascar’s present than Kyle Petty? 

The Verdict: Good song and performance if a bit on the boomer side.

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Spade Racing Opens a Box of 2021-22 Panini Prizm Nascar Cards, Pack 8 of 12

Join us (well, me) as we/I go through a box of 2022 Panini Prizm Nascar Cards.  Because there’s 12 cards per pack, each pack is split in two.

Pack 8 Part 1—A Real CLINT, Making a Mint, and Taking a Hint

FIRST LOOK: Has anyone had a stranger career than Clint Bowyer?  You know things are weird when getting into a brawl with Jeff Gordon isn’t the most controversial thing you’ve ever done.

TO THE BACK: “Trying to do something better” is a pretty good piece of strategy for getting to the front, Jesse.  Although, granted, it helps to have a ton of financial support and/or wealth too, but that’s just in racing…and everything else.

SAY WHAT: “Yes, I know that serial killers tend to have three names—and I might just live up to my names if you keep pointing that out!”

RATING: 2 race stages out of 10

Track “Facts”: Sonoma

Nascar races on all sorts of tracks, from short to long, oval to road course, concrete to asphalt.  Here’s a bi-weekly look at all the tracks of Nascar’s National Touring Series.

SONOMA RACEWAY

2.52 mile asphalt road course

Opened 1968

Lights?  No

Series: Cup, Trucks

Nicknames: Sears Point Raceway, Infineon Raceway, Where Nascar Goes to Wine

THREE FUN FACTS:

1. So here’s the naming breakdown: Sears Point is the location, Sonoma is the name of the town and region, and Infineon was a company who owned the naming rights.  Infineon makes semiconductors, although the name is so vague it could be anything from insurance to hardware to livestock consulting services.

2. This track used to have a too-small pit road, which required a second pit road for poor qualifiers dubbed “Gilligan’s Island”.  It was similar to the backstretch pit roads short tracks used to have, except far fewer people cared about it.

3. This track is located in the heart of California’s Wine Country, although most race track grandstands are located in concentrated zones of Cheap Beer Country.

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Elton Sawyer Revels in Power

Note: THIS IS SATIRE

With Nascar having moved on from “Boys Have At It” to something more along the lines of “That’s Enough, Boys”, someone is forced to determine what is good contact and what is bad. That responsibility has fallen at the feet of Nascar’s senior vice president of competition, Elton Sawyer. 

Power personified

“All must kneel before the awesome power of I, a former Busch Series driver turned upper-level executive”, Sawyer boomed out from his Daytona Beach office. “For it is I, Elton Sawyer, who shall determine what is rubbin and what is hooking. The wisdom of Solomon dwells within ME!”

Sawyer recently implemented a suspension of popular driver Chase Elliott for “hooking” Denny Hamlin. 

“With my infinite wisdom I was able to interpret the data as a HOOK!”, Sawyer said whilst standing behind his desk. “Suck knowledge only comes from the other guy to drive the 27 car, and the other other guy to drive the Hooters car. Absolute knowledge is MINE!”

The suspensions come in stark contrast to the “Boys Have At It” hands-off approach put in place by Mike Helton. 

“No mere boy can police himself—one must seek the guidance of I, a two-time Busch Series race winner!” Sawyer explained while pounding his fist on a nearby end table. “The sport must turn to me for leadership, and free Barbasol samples will be had by all!”

Sawyer would later attempt to explain how, while his genius is immortal, he had nothing to do with Ricky Rudd having a win taken away at Sonoma in 1991.

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Nascar Race Picks: Uncle Max vs. The Tarot Deck—Sonoma

What a week!

No, not my Nascar picks, which have remained in a slump.  I’m talking about my first week of work at the new location.  Turns out everyone there is pretty cool—I got a lot of handy hints to make my day a lot easier.  But there’s still lots of work to be done!  I guess that’s why they moved ME over to this other location—they want me to whip it into shape like I did my last one ten years ago.  So I’ll be putting in the extra hours to get things running smoothly until my vacation at the end of the month.

Until then, let’s hope I don’t get lost on my way to work again!

TRUCK SERIES (2 wins)—off

Saturday Late Afternoon XFINITY SERIES (1 win) DoorDash 250: Justin Allgaier—watch him wind up paying a much-higher entry fee.

Sunday CUP SERIES Toyota/SaveMart 350:  The Tarot Deck (1 win) selects the the King of Cups, Aric Almirola.  FAVORITE: Chase Elliott—back to basics. NEXT FAVORITE: AJ Allmendinger—when in doubt on a road course, go with the ‘Dinger.  DARK HORSE: Kevin Harvick—just like Tony Stewart’s last win.

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Spade Racing Opens a Box of 2021-22 Panini Prizm Nascar Cards, Pack 7 of 12

Join us (well, me) as we/I go through a box of 2022 Panini Prizm Nascar Cards.  Because there’s 12 cards per pack, each pack is split in two.

Pack 7 Part 2—Poppy Bank, a Proper Rank, and Nations to Thank

FIRST LOOK: Remember when Hemric ran that Tony Stewart Home Depot paint scheme at Darlington?  And then he just kinda stuck with it for the next couple of years?  That was cool.

TO THE BACK: I feel like Carl Edwards is a tough driver to judge amongst the good-to-greats, but his fantastic final season is worth something.  Much better than a “Victory Tour” for Travis Carter.

SAY WHAT: “I’d like to thank Uzbekistan and Lesotho for once again not sending any drivers to Nascar, so the USA can be the best stock car nation in the world—hey, back off Uruguay!”

RATING: 8 in car cameras out of 10

Musically Declined: Kyle Petty, Hard Times

Kyle Petty—racer, philanthropist, commentator, and musician!  Kyle’s musical exploits have been going on since the 80’s, but just how good are they?  Let’s take a look back at the songs of Nascar’s favorite long-haired scion.

The Song: Hard Times (…I think)

The Star: Kyle Petty

The Clip: https://youtu.be/4I7ojCBn2JU?t=235

The Review: A pretty decent wistful song about living through difficult times, Kyle performed this on a North Carolina local news station to promote both his book (which I highly recommend) and an upcoming performance.  Unfortunately the video cuts off a little early but it seemed good to me.  And yes, it hurts me to NOT make a Dusty Rhodes joke here.

The Verdict: Decent song about a difficult topic.

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