a MOXOC Media Production
Join us (well, me) as we/I go through a box of 2021 Donruss Nascar Cards, pack-by-pack, week-by-week.
Pack 23—Petty Way Back, The Action Track, and The Oldsters Attack
RATING: 8 checkered flags out of 10
Pack 24—A Young Gun, The Other One, and NewDONE (kinda)
RATING: 5 burnouts out of 10
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE (Boogertown, North Carolina)
A season full of learning experiences is beginning to bear fruit for NASCAR Cup’s newest team, 52 Pickup Racing, who posted an impressive top-40 finish this past weekend.
“We really had a great piece today”, driver T.B. Dee said upon exiting his Monday Cigarettes race car. “I mean, the front axle was really, really good—definitely the best piece of the race car this weekend. Well, besides ME, of course. Wait, no, that sounds conceited—don’t print that part.”
“We knew going into this season that it would be a tough one, but we’re in this for the long haul” said Dr. Eddie Geadle, one of the fifty-two co-owners of 52 Pickup Racing. “And while that long haul might include a few pot holes, we’re not giving up. Even if those pot holes require so many repairs that we have to invest extra money. Again.”
The top-40 was cause for celebration around the nearly-completed race shop in Boogertown, North Carolina, where the team took time out from their busy schedule to soak in the success.
“Dang toilet overflowed again”, said driver T.B. Dee at the celebration. “My socks are soaked. Oh well, at least the water is clear.”
The team plans to up its goals for the rest of the season, not wanting to rest on its laurels.
“Nobody here is satisfied with just a top-40 finish”, Dr. Geadle said. “We feel that with the right amount of work, the proper investments, and a little luck, we have the ability to crack the top-35 before year’s end.”
QUOTES: “Top the top-40, tomorrow the lead lap! Well, not tomorrow, we don’t race till the weekend.” —T.B. Dee, driver of the 52 Pickup Racing Monday Cigarettes race car.
“T.B. Dee and the whole 52 Pickup Racing Team are a serious problem for NASCAR.” —Alan Rhodes, Green Flag Podcast.
ABOUT 52 PICKUP RACING: 52 Pickup Racing is NASCAR Cup’s newest race team. Based out of Boogertown North Carolina, the team employs up-and-coming driver T.B. Dee and are burning the midnight oil to get ready for next week’s race…because of an electrical issue with their lights.
For more information please visit the 52 Pickup Racing website at www.52pickupracing.com
For all media inquiries please contact Moxoc Media at moxoc(at)moxoc.com
Brad Keselowski’s impending departure for Roush Fenway Racing in 2022 is currently Nascar’s worst-kept secret. While reasons such as a minority ownership stake and outside business opportunities were suspected to be the cause of Keselowski’s departure from Team Penske, Brad K hinted today at the REAL reason—a better vending machine.
“Well, whatever your name is, being part of the RoushYates Engines and Ford Motorsports families, I’ve had a few chances to visit the Roush Fenway Racing campus”, Keselowski said in an exclusive interview with Spade Racing. “And while the team hasn’t performed as well on track as they once did, one can’t help but be impressed with the vending machine they have in the employee break room. I mean, really—you should see this thing!”
Keselowski then went on to detail the advantages of said vending machine, believed to be located between a soda vending machine of rather ordinary status and a trash can.
“This thing has everything—they have Cooler Ranch Doritos, I haven’t had them since I was a kid! And they have three different types of Ramen bowls. That’s so convenient when you’re working late and don’t want to order out for a pizza. I mean, this thing, whoever stocks it, knows what they’re doing!”
Keselowski then compared the RFR-located vending machine to the kind he normally encounters with his current team.
“I mean the Team Penske vending machines are alright, I guess, but the ones at Penske have way too many ‘healthy options’”, Keselowski reasoned. “I mean, the Roush Fenway one has one or two low-calorie choices—you don’t need a whole refrigerated machine full of vegetables that nobody ever buys anyways.”
Out of respect for Team Penske and in accordance with his current contract, Keselowski has refused to confirm or deny the widely-spread rumor that he will be driving for a possibly-renamed Roush Fenway Keselowski Racing in 2022. However, his vending machine comments seem to all but confirm his plans.
“I can see it now, munching on some corn chips, then a nice Mr. Goodbar—when’s the last time you had one of those, huh?”, Keselowski said. “Plus, I mean, who wouldn’t want to race for a team co-owner with a funny hat?”
If I may rant a little bit…
How are we in 2021 and people still aren’t using their directionals?!? I mean really—they’ve been around for DECADES now. What’s the thinking—“oh, I’ll be safe by putting on a seatbelt and driving a car with airbags, but I won’t significantly reduce the chances that the person behind me will slam into my car”?
I mean seriously, folks. I don’t like to get up on the soap box here, but if you’re not using your directionals when you drive, just take the bus. And if you DO use your directionals, well, good for you. Now please get out of the fast lane if you’re only going 55mph!
Saturday Afternoon TRUCK SERIES CRC 150 (3 wins): Ben Rhodes—back on the horse after a stellar start to the year
Saturday CUP SERIES Pocono Organics 325. Repeat winner (2 wins)—Kyle Larson. FAVORITE (1 win): Denny Hamlin—its about time JGR finally put a stop to HMS’s dominance. NEXT FAVORITE (1 win): Chase Elliott—…or not. DARK HORSE (2 wins): Bubba Wallace—as long as he doesn’t plow into the wall, its all good.
Sunday Afternoon XFINITY SERIES Pocono Green 225 (1 win): Justin Allgaier—break through, Justin!
Sunday CUP SERIES Pocono Mountains 350. Repeat winner (2 wins)—yesterday’s winner. FAVORITE (1 win): Kyle Busch—makes sense for a guy named BUSCHHHHH to “head for the mountains”. NEXT FAVORITE (1 win): Kevin Harvick—makes sense for a guy sponsored by BUSCHHHHH to “head for the mountains”. DARK HORSE (2 wins): Ross Chastain—time to get a little wild with my Dark Horse picks.
Join us (well, me) as we/I go through a box of 2021 Donruss Nascar Cards, pack-by-pack, week-by-week.
Pack 21—The Dollar Show, Donruss In the Know, and Alfredo
RATING: 9 pit stalls out of 10
Pack 22—Harrison, Having Fun, and a Canadi-un
FIRST LOOK: You can tell these cards are from The Age of COVID thanks to all the neck gaiters and face masks. Here’s hoping the 2022 cards will be mask-free—and not just because some people are idiots.
RATING: 5 pace laps out of 10
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE (Boogertown, North Carolina)
The #52 race car will have a truly special paint scheme this weekend, as new sponsor Your Name Here joins the team as co-primary sponsor.
“We’re always on the lookout for new sponsors, and Your Name Here is definitely one of them”, said Harry Schtick, one of the fifty-two co-owners of 52 Pickup Racing. “As one of the only graffiti outsourcing companies around today, we look forward to promoting their message of putting one’s name on overpasses, walls, and the sides of train cars.”
“I’ve only started using Your Name Here in the past few days, but I’m very impressed with their work”, said T.B. Dee, driver of the Your Name Here/Monday Cigarettes race car. “They got my ‘tag name’ of ‘Munstah’ all over Boogertown. People will know better than to try and lean against the convenience store wall now that they know that Munstah has dibs on it.”
“We offer a comprehensive guerrilla marketing plan for all sorts of companies, messages, and angsty teenagers”, said Rick Mussina, CEO of Your Name Here. “With our new partnership in NASCAR we hope race fans will know where to go if they want a whole town to know who sucks and who rules.”
Although a new company, Mussina previously ran Primate Promotions, which offered a comprehensive gorilla marketing plan for all sorts of companies, messages, and angsty zoologists.
QUOTES: “Munstah Rules has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?” —T.B. Dee, driver of the 52 Pickup Racing Monday Cigarettes race car.
“Your Name Here was also nice enough to spray paint a mural on our race shop’s back wall, which should help to cover up all the particle board.” —Harry Schtick, co-owner of 52 Pickup Racing.
ABOUT 52 PICKUP RACING: 52 Pickup Racing is NASCAR Cup’s newest race team. Based out of Boogertown North Carolina, the team employs up-and-coming driver T.B. Dee and disavows any knowledge of Munstah, King Munstah, or Mun5t@h.
For more information please visit the 52 Pickup Racing website at www.52pickupracing.com
For all media inquiries please contact Moxoc Media at moxoc(at)moxoc.com
Nascar’s unique in that there’s a pretty cool way to get a (relatively) free souvenir from virtually every team—the hero card. For the uninitiated, Hero Cards are large, well, cards printed on, well, card stock, containing driver, car, and team information. Big and glossy, they work great for autographs, or just to collect.
Now normally I can get a good selection of Hero Cards from team race shops or at the track in the garage. But with the whole pandemic going on, that’s a no-go. So instead I’m mailing out a slew of Self-Addressed-Stamped-Envelopes (SASE’s) to every major and minor race team in the three national touring series.
Who’ll be the first to respond? Who’ll have the best Hero Cards? Who’ll send the most? Will anyone still have outdated 2020 info? And will anyone slip in a few goodies or even an autograph? SEE BELOW!
So here’s what I’ve gotten so far over the past month or so, through June 19th. Some good stuff pictured in order of when they arrived. Bonus points to those who included autographs!
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| Some autographs from Truck Series stalwarts Hattori Racing Enterprises |
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| Truck AND ARCA cards from the folks at David Gilliland Racing |
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| A colorful autographed card from Trackhouse! |
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| Got two of these (same exact card) from Spire |
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| One of each driver from Chip Ganassi Racing |
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| Many cards, many sizes from Roush Fenway Racing |
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| Autographs and an authentic Goodyear decal from Niece! |
Well, I’m back from vacation. And you know what that means—a hellish week of work. I’m stunned that I had time to make these picks, but thankfully we had a fire drill at the store and I’m typing these out as I wait to be let back in.
But don’t get me wrong—I love my vacation time. A week (plus a day) of relaxing at the shore/beach, grilling for my friends, with nothing to worry about besides figuring out which beer to drink is MY idea of a good time. Alas (always fun to use that word, right?) its back to the grind.
Friday Night TRUCK SERIES Rackley Roofing 200 (3 wins): John Hunter Nemechek—how many wins in a row can JHN tally?
Saturday Afternoon XFINITY SERIES Tennessee Lottery 250 (1 win): Justin Allgaier—revenge for last weekend’s heartbreaker.
Sunday CUP SERIES Ally 400. Repeat winner (1 win)—Kyle Larson. FAVORITE (1 win): Denny Hamlin—if a JGR car breaks the HMS stranglehold, do we still like it?. NEXT FAVORITE (1 win): Chase Elliott—and if the HMS stranglehold continues but Chase wins, do we still like it? DARK HORSE (2 wins): Kurt Busch—and if a mid-level team wins in a wide-open inaugural race, do we care?
Pack 19—Renaissance Man, an Obvious Plan, and a Cheesy Pic Fan
RATING: 7 press releases out of 10
Pack 20—Virtual Chalk, Haters’ Balk, and Future Talk
RATING: 7 crew members out of 10
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE (Boogertown, North Carolina)
Any new NASCAR Cup team is going to go through normal growing pains, and 52 Pickup Racing is no exception. However, the team in general—and driver T.B. Dee in particular—has benefitted greatly from a number of learning experiences.
“This was my first time at the race shop in months, so I was glad to see the progress (T.B.) Dee has made so far”, said majority owner Gunther Hoffberger, one of the fifty-two co-owners of 52 Pickup Racing and founder of Phrenology Associates. “For instance, he seems to have picked up some conversational French, which is nice.”
“I’ve been watching a lot of YouTube instructional videos lately to help me relax”, Dee said, “mostly about how to take care of your cell phone’s battery. Did you know that regularly ‘cycling’ the battery down to zero could help extend its life by months, maybe years?”
“Yep, he’s a young driver, but he’s still learning”, Hoffberger said. “Today he told me a pretty interesting story about the short-lived State of Franklin. We’re glad we have such a well-rounded driver—and not ‘well-rounded’ like Tony Stewart—and hope that he continues to broaden his horizons.
“Of course, learning how to drive the car faster might be a useful thing to learn too”, Hoffberger said, before adding “Just sayin’”.
QUOTES: “That Gunther, always joking around when he’s here. Just wait till I tell him how Rodney Dangerfield got his stage name!” —T.B. Dee, driver of the 52 Pickup Racing Monday Cigarettes race car.
“Sure, T.B.—why don’t you call me, I’ll hang up and listen.” —Gunther Hoffberger, majority co-owner of 52 Pickup Racing.
ABOUT 52 PICKUP RACING: 52 Pickup Racing is NASCAR Cup’s newest race team. Based out of Boogertown North Carolina, the team employs up-and-coming driver T.B. Dee who is telling anyone that will listen how both Myanmar and Burma are acceptable names for the Southeastern Asian nation.
For more information please visit the 52 Pickup Racing website at www.52pickupracing.com
For all media inquiries please contact Moxoc Media at moxoc(at)moxoc.com
In a major blow to national security, rookie phenom Ty Gibbs was revealed today to be an undercover agent for the Central Intelligence Agency, voluntarily giving up the ruse before being exposed.
“It was all a ploy—there was never any ‘Ty Gibbs’, just Frank Brooks under a lot of youth cream”, said Special Agent Frank Brooks, a twelve-year veteran of the US intelligence agency. “They were going to make a big splash by taking me out during a race next month, so I had to save face by doing the right thing.”
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| "Ty Gibbs"/Robert Brooks |
“I really want to thank all the great people at Joe Gibbs Racing”, Brooks said, “for helping me with this ruse. I mean, in retrospect, the matte-black car was a dead giveaway, but we really had ‘em fooled for about a year.”
Brooks was prevented from revealing any details of his mission—rumored to be dubbed “Project Vacuum”—but was optimistic that his failure didn’t spell doom for the United States.
“These things happen far more often than we’d like to admit”, Brooks said. “We always have plans B, C, and D ready, so everyone can go back to enjoying Nascar without worrying that the country is in danger. And by enjoy, of course I mean ‘complain incessantly about it’”.
Brooks’ government handler was also on-site and took some of the blame for the mission’s premature end.
“We didn’t really have the story believable enough for it not to arouse suspicion”, said a man known only as “Mr. Palmer”. “I mean, really—JGR lets Erik Jones go due to lack of funding, then suddenly has enough money to run a sponsorless driver? We should’ve figured that out from day one.”
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| File photo of Robert Brooks |
Brooks then explained that he would be disappearing for a short period of time, though his career was far from over.
“I don’t think my work is done for the CIA”, Brooks said while “Mr. Palmer” nodded in agreement. “After the plastic surgery and voice altering I could be back next year as an internet security advisor, a tourist in Central Asia—or maybe I just go race for the Haas F1 team, they’ll take ANYBODY.”
EDITOR’S NOTE: Uncle Max is still on vacation—he texted me his picks again for the week. Note that non-points events do NOT count, so no “Repeat Winner” picks this week, and anything Uncle Max gets right won’t count towards the finally standings.
Saturday Afternoon TRUCK SERIES Speedy Cash 400 (2 wins): John Hunter Nemechek—gonna keep riding the JHN bandwagon till the wheels fall off.
Saturday Evening XFINITY SERIES Alsco 250 (1 win): JJ Haley—staking HIS claim to the new Kaulig Cup ride next year.
(remember, these picks don’t count)
Sunday Night CUP SERIES All-Star Race. Repeat winner (1 win)—n/a. FAVORITE (1 win): Brad Keselowski—time to prove they’re not just forgetting about 2021 at Ford. NEXT FAVORITE (1 win): Kyle Busch—and he won’t even have to be parked afterwards. DARK HORSE (2 wins): Matt DiBennedetto—double win with the Open and All-Star Races.
Pack 17—Brad’s Game Face, a “Famous” Race, and a Pensive Place
RATING: 7 Darlington Stripes out of 10
Pack 18—A Used Tire, a Bit of a Liar, and a Grocery Buyer
RATING: 9 lug nuts out of 10