Black Friday Deals, Nascar Style!

Also a great Steely Day song
Today is the busiest shopping day of the year, as "Black Friday" sales will have people far and wide visiting their favorite stores.  Not to be left out, Nascar has quite a few deals of their own--here's a sampling:

Roush-Fenway Racing--Like-new 2014 Ford Fusion (superspeedway package), barely used, $5 million.

Nascar Marketing--Be the warm-up comedian for the 2014 Awards Banquet!  Host following you is GUARANTEED to make you look good.  $199.99+free glares from Danica.

North Carolina Board of Revenue--Swan Racing, $24.99 OBO.

Carl Edwards Fan Club--All Aflac, Kelloggs & Fastenal merchandise 90% off!  Sure to be a valuable* collectors' item!  (*--your value may vary).

International Speedway Corp.--Own a piece of Daytona history with the soon-to-be removed backstretch grandstand!  Available for the low low price of just $9.99!!! (plus $500,000 shipping and handling).

Mr. Excitement Properties--Limited-edition race-used hairpieces.  $49.99 ($69.99 for low-numbers).

Nascar Images--Backstock blowout sale!  Own the Stacy Compton, Steve Grissom, or Bobby Hamilton Jr. picture of your dreams!  Any 10 for $1.99, plus order by 10pm and receive a free random shot of a stack of tires!

Lionel Collectables--50% off all 2014 diecast cars.  Not doing anything for you?  OK, 2 for 1.  Oh, here, just take a box and leave.

BK Racing--Cole Whitt!  He drives!  He signs autographs!  He hasn't been paid in months!  $499.99!

Off-season Preview

Well, it's that time of the year again, when Nascar fans go from complaining about the Chase to complaining about the awards banquet.  Here at Spade Racing HQ, it's a time of change as well.  Here's what's coming up this off-season:
Jay Brent was unable
to cover Milka Duno's
last race of the season,
as the press box was
within 500 yards of the

--About one article per-week, unless something huge happens (like Timmy Hill finally going through puberty).

--The Hoodie Awards, the only award given out by Spade Racing, although no team has yet to claim it.

--Come January, previews for the 2015 seasons for Cup, Xfinity (formerly Nationwide), Trucks, and Formula E.

--Come February, massive complaints about our two-word coverage of Formula E.

Be sure to check-out Spade Racing's OFFICIAL Facebook page for updates.

Enjoy the offseason!

Harvick, Edwards Do Dual Burnouts After Race

"We don't have to pretend to care about
baseball anymore!"
After 13 years of racing Cup, Kevin Harvick finally was able to celebrate a Sprint Cup Championship with a spectacular burnout--one that was only rivaled by Carl Edwards smoking his tires leaving Roush-Fenway Racing for Joe Gibbs Racing.
"This was a big deal for us, we've been waiting so long to make this happen.", Harvick said upon exiting his car.  "It took a lot of hard work to make this accomplishment a reality, and it's just a relief to feel what it feels like to be a champion."
"This was a big deal for me, I've been waiting so long to make this happen.", Edwards said upon exiting his team.  "It took a lot of hard work to make this accomplishment a reality, and it's just a relief to feel what it feels like to have a realistic shot at a championship."
Harvick said that he plans to enjoy the offseason, visiting sponsors and celebrating with his family.  Edwards said that he plans to enjoy the offseason, celebrating with his family and trying to figure out what Arris is.
"This is what it's all about", Harvick exclaimed, "We're gonna drink some beers and celebrate tonight!"
"This is what it's all about", Edwards exclaimed, "We're gonna eat some Stanley hand-tools and celebrate tonight!"
In a related story, Brian France remains MIA.

Homestead "News" and Notes

--Well, we're finally at the end of the season, which means it's time to go from complaining that the season's too long to complaining that the off-season is too long

--Four drivers can win the championship Sunday. 39 drivers can wreck the championship Sunday. Yeah, that makes sense

--Matt Crafton basically just needs to avoid a disaster to clinch the first back-to-back championships in Truck Series history. Because anytime you can do something that Mike Skinner and Jack Sprague haven't done, it's a good thing

--In Nationwide Series Owners' Points Championship rules, nobody cares

--Speaking of which, Nationwide Insurance bows out as a series sponsor this weekend the way they always wanted to--with Milka Duno running in Joe Nemechek's car.

15 Minutes Could Waste 15% Of Your Day

"Huh…15 minutes could save you 15% on auto insurance with SpadeCo."
"Everybody knows that"
"Well, did you know that…"
"Sam Hornish Jr. will have
steady sponsorship from
someone other than
Ford EcoBoost...oh boy..."

…it's a good thing that Kevin Harvick's last name isn't Oveur?
"OK young man, please introduce yourself to the class"
"Hello, I'm Keelan Oveur"
"Quick, call 911!"

…Denny Hamlin would make a great safety video instructor?
"So always wear proper eye protection…otherwise you could get a sliver of metal that flies in there, causing a massive sinus infection, which would require you to miss work, and if you're like me, cause the world to automatically assume you've done something illegal."

…Ryan Newman has never had a bad day since 2005?
"Hey Ryan, how was your day?"
"Well, I got ticketed for speeding, got a hole in my shoe, spent my whole lunch-hour in boring meetings, then got stuck in traffic on the way home.  BUT, I didn't have to work with Rusty Wallace, so it was a pretty good day!"

…Joey Logano will feel quite uncomfortable around the other three contenders?
"Um, hi Kevin…sorry about talking about your wife and the firesuit thing.  Hi Denny…sorry about trying to start a fight with you.  Hi Ryan…sorry about trying to start a fight with YOU…"

Ryan Newman Makes Chase, Puns Fly in Post-Race

Newman post-race
Last week saw a flurry of flying fists after the race was finished.  This week, it was the puns that were flying at Phoenix, as Ryan Newman muscled-by Kyle Larson to sneak into the Chase.
"Well, I had to HIT THE TARGET, but I guess we were the CAT to beat today!", a relieved and witty Newman said post-race.  "Kyle Larson, I hated to CHIP him like that, but he has a bright future ahead for him--after all, he's THE ANSWER TO LIFE, THE UNIVERSE AND EVERYTHING."
Newman continued his torrid pace on the track with a torrid pace off the track.
"You're not always going to have a diamond like this race handed to you--sometimes you have to MINE for it.  And I hope no one says that what I did to Kyle (Larson) was uncalled for--that's a bunch of BULL(SEYE).
Newman refused to apologize in any way for making the Chase finale without a win, instead making it with a bon mot.
"It was a THIRTY-ONE-DERFUL race today by this team, we were just so QUICK-EN out of the pits.  I look forward to running for the championship next week against Denny, Joey and Kevin--we'll just see if they (RC)R ready to duke it out for the win.

Phoenix "News" and Notes

--To be fair, that wasn't the first time that two guys influenced by beer (companies) wound up in an argument with an AARP member.

--Last week's race at Texas started with 400 miles of dullness, followed by 100 miles of drama.  Would shortening the total race distance just get rid of the dullness, or would the drama suffer too?  I dunno, but it couldn't hurt to try!

--The oddity of this round of the Chase (so far) has been having both races won by drivers who have already been eliminated.  It wasn't surprising that they both race for Hendrick Motorsports--that's pretty much par for the course.  As is Nascar messing with something and getting terrible results.

--Roush Fenway Racing has made some significant front-office changes headed into the offseason.  This as opposed to, you know, trying to make changes headed into the ACTUAL season.

--Nice to know that Hendrick is paying its crew members' fines.  I'm guessing they'll just have to work a little "voluntary overtime" to pay them back.

Spade Racing presents Nascar Survivor Series

Nascar's Chase Grid format is all about survival.  Unfortunately, it tends to come off as manufactured as pro-wrestling.  To make the best out of a bad situation, let's get ready to wrap up the season with a Nascar Pay-Per-View blowout, Survivor Series-style!

Dark Match
Brian Keselowski vs. Brad Keselowski--Brother-vs.-Brother match with special guest referee Bob Keselowski

Sunday Night Tepidity
Dale Earnhardt Jr. vs. Brad Keselowski--Mentor vs. Student Showdown
Carl Edwards vs. Brad Keselowski--The Old Battle Rages Anew

Main Event Matches
Matt Kenseth vs. Brad Keselowski--Trailer Lot Brawl
Kyle Busch vs. Brad Keselowski--Winner gets a lifetime supply of Skittlebrau
Michael McDowell vs. Brad Keselowski--(Brad cut ahead of Michael in the line for the bathroom)
Kevin Harvick vs. Brad Keselowski--Battle of the Beers
Jeff Gordon vs. Brad Keselowski--with Kevin Harvick as the Special Enforcer

Kyle Busch "Does The Double" of Texas Cup Race and New York Marathon

Fulfilling what he called "another personal goal of (his)", Nascar driver Kyle Busch was able to "Do The Double", running in the AAA Texas 500 as well as the New York Marathon on the same day.
Kyle pre-race with Tony Stewart
"When I came into Nascar, I knew I wanted to win in anything I could", said a noticeably winded Busch post-Nascar-race, "and that meant winning in Cup, Nationwide, Trucks, K&N Pro Series, Slim Jim All Pro, Winter Heat, and yes, even marathons.  Even though I couldn't finish in first today up in New York, I'm proud of the effort we put in to at least get a decent finish."
Busch deflected criticism that running more than one race a weekend (or day, for that matter) detracted from his focus on the Sprint Cup Series.
"Hey, I'm here to race, and to learn as much about every track as I can", Busch said.  "So if in the future, Nascar decides to run a race on the streets of New York City, and I'm the only one who knows how to get the fastest lane for a restart on the Verrazano Bridge, well, you'll know why!"
Busch had driver Parker Kligerman on standby in Texas in case he was not able to fly-in in time for the start of the Cup race.  Furthermore, he had runner Steve Clayton, the "Greg Sacks of marathons", on hand to relieve him in New York if he needed to leave early.
"As far as I'm concerned, it's all about competing", Busch stated shortly before leaving Texas Motor Speedway to compete in a unicycle race in Duluth.  "Be it at the top level of the sport, to the bottom level, or to another sport completely, I'll be there."
Marathon officials noted that they were unable to interview Busch, as he did not win the race.