Martinsville: Uncle Max vs. 13th Place plus eliminations


EDITOR’S NOTE: Uncle Max is down with a stomach bug.  He texted me his picks for the races and Cup Series championship eliminations:


Friday Night TRUCK SERIES (6 wins) ZIP 200: TYLER ANKRUM—one of the MANY Tylers competing in Nascar, it seems.


Saturday Afternoon XFINITY SERIES (5 wins) NATIONAL DEBT RELIEF 250: SAM MAYER—a bit of a going away gift before he becomes an RFK—er, I mean, Haas Factory Team driver next year.


Sunday CUP SERIES XFINITY 400: 13th Place (2 win) Picks KYLE LARSON.  FAVORITE (2 wins): CHRISTOPHER BELL—probably in on points, but best to be safe. NEXT FAVORITE: ROSS CHASTAIN—no “Hail Melon”, but maybe a “Time for a Rind”?.  DARK HORSE: MARTIN TRUEX JR.—not as evocative as Jeff Gordon’s “we’re goin to Homestead!” but cool nonetheless.


ELIMINATED: Chase Elliott, Ryan Blaney, Denny Hamlin, and William Byron


…MAKING THE CHAMPIONSHIP 4: Tyler Reddick, Joey Logano, Christopher Bell, and Kyle Larson.



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Spade Racing Opens a Box of 2024 Donruss Cards, Pack 12 of 24


PACK 12: Three in a row, room to grow, and not just for show


FIRST LOOK: The third straight pack with a premium insert, this one has a Kyle Busch autograph.  Nice autograph by the way—almost makes up for his horrible attitude post-crashes.


TO THE BACK: Brad K’s done a LOT in his time in sock car racing, but is he really a “titan”?  Let’s give him a few more years to see if he can make RFK so good they have to change the rules to stop its dominance (again).


SAY WHAT?: “I don’t just promote Hunt Brothers Pizza, I also enjoy it.  Take THAT, guys who are sponsored by prescription drugs.”


RATING: 9 stage breaks out of 10



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NASCAR ROTY RANKINGS 2014: Ranking the Rookie of the Year Classes Through the Years



Join me as we take a look at every NASCAR Cup Rookie of the Year class from 1972 (the start of the modern era) through 2021, going from the worst to the first in terms of overall careers of each year’s rookie class.

2014

Kyle Larson

Winner: Kyle Larson (Ganassi).  Runners Up: Austin Dillon (RCR), Justin Allgaier (HScott), Cole Whitt (BK), Alex Bowman (BK), Ryan Truex (BK).  Aborted Attempts: Michael Annett, Parker Kligerman

How their careers turned out: Kyle Larson has already won a championship and established himself as one of the greatest drivers of his generation.  Austin Dillon and Alex Bowman have shown themselves to be regular race winners.  Justin Allgaier is one of the best Xfinity Series drivers in recent memory.  Ryan Truex, uh, he won an Xfinity Series race in 2023.  And Cole Whitt…um, won a pole for a Truck Series race once.

“Fun” “Fact” about the winner: Kyle Larson showed us just how few people understand what “freedom of speech” really is.

Ranking: #10 out of 50


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Who’ll Win the Cup Championship? Spade Racing Asks Six Insufferable “Fans”



This is a parody

Nascar is quickly speeding towards its annual championship race at Phoenix.  With eight drivers currently eligible to win it all, we asked around to six absolutely insufferable, stereotypical so-called “fans” to see who their picks were.



“Nascar?  Is that still a thing?  Oh, that’s cute.  I don’t like manufactured racing with Billy Bob and Joe Jack and Chasey Racey—I’ll stick with F1 thank you very much.” —Steve Jacobs, insufferable open-wheel fan who prefers series where two passes in a race is considered a barn-burner





“Nascar died with Dale Earnhardt died.  It ain’t been the same since, and you know it.  But with how well he’s run lately I’d have to go with Kyle Larson.” —Brandon McKenzie, doom-and-gloom oldster who has vowed to stop watching Nascar 15 times before




“It’s fixed anyways—you know they’ll find a way to have Bubba Wallace win the championship.” —James Webster, whose constant rants about the world changing has left his grandchildren to screen his calls




“It’s fixed anyways—you know they’ll find a way to have a Toyota win the championship.” —Kevin Diehl, apparently unaware that Toyota is currently third in the manufacturers’ championship standings




“Joey Logano, I guess.  Now, let me spend the next half-hour haranguing you about 1996.” —Reggie Cofield, every single remaining IndyCar fan between the ages of 35-55 (all eight of them!)




“(grimaces, makes annoyed face, rolls eyes, walks away without comment)” —Kyle Busch, two-time Nascar Cup Series champion.


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Homestead-Miami: Uncle Max vs. 13th Place



OK, let’s get something out of the way here—Nascar did NOT “fix” it so that Joey Logano could both advance in the playoffs on a technicality AND win at Las Vegas.  Why am I so sure?  I’ll tell ya why:

Because all I’ve heard since I became a Nascar fan is how incompetent Nascar is!

Seriously—you can’t whine about how terrible the sanctioning body is and then turn around and accuse it of these massive, intricate conspiracies.  That’s like saying you got audited because the gub’mint’s out to get you—the same gub’mint you bash for being inefficient and lazy.  Pick your criticism lane and stay in it!


Saturday Early Afternoon TRUCK SERIES (6 wins) BAPTIST HEALTH 200: COREY HEIM—I before E except after C, or when dropping a dime on your pick Corey Heim.


Saturday Late Afternoon XFINITY SERIES (5 wins) CREDIT ONE 300: COLE CUSTER—out to prove he’s not just moving up to Cup next year because of his connections to team ownership (ya hear that Ty Dillon?).


Sunday CUP SERIES STRAIGHT TALK 400: 13th Place (2 win) Picks KYLE BUSCH.  FAVORITE (2 wins): JOEY LOGANO—and no, THIS isn’t a fix either. NEXT FAVORITE: ROSS CHASTAIN—the Trackhouse team really does seem to be on a roll lately.  DARK HORSE: BUBBA WALLACE—no charter?  No problem.



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Spade Racing Opens a Box of 2024 Donruss Cards, Pack 11 of 24


PACK 11: Joe Graf, memorabilia math, and The First State’s path


FIRST LOOK: A quick look shows that G Coin is “digital gold”, whatever the hell THAT is.


TO THE BACK: Here’s what the back of a memorabilia card looks like.  And I’m curious how many of those cards they can get from one tire—someone at Panini is responsible for the ROI on a used race tire.


SAY WHAT?: “MBNA means more than just branded credit cards—it means hours upon hours of sponsor meetings in Wilmington and Newark.”


RATING: 8 pit stops out of 10



www.spaderacing.com updated four times weekly


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NASCAR ROTY RANKINGS 2013: Ranking the Rookie of the Year Classes Through the Years



Join me as we take a look at every NASCAR Cup Rookie of the Year class from 1972 (the start of the modern era) through 2021, going from the worst to the first in terms of overall careers of each year’s rookie class.

2013

Ricky Stenhouse Jr.'s rookie car

Winner: Ricky Stenhouse Jr. (Roush-Fenway).  Runners Up: Runners Up: Danica Patrick (Stewart-Haas), Timmy Hill (FAS Lane).  Aborted Attempts: none

How their careers turned out: Ricky Stenhouse Jr.’s career is a tough one to judge—he’s won, but not much, and mostly on plate tracks.  But he DOES have a Daytona 500 win to his name and has raced mid-pack equipment for the bulk of his career.  Then again, the 17 car got a LOT better once he left.  Oh well—at least he isn’t doing car warrantee ads or is forced to go home to Port Tobacco.

“Fun” “Fact” about the winner: If Ricky ate every food product on his car, he’d weight about 400 lbs.

Ranking: #30 out of 50


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What Did the Engineer Allegedly Take from Joe Gibbs Racing?


This is a parody

Nascar has acknowledged that a current engineer for Joe Gibbs Racing allegedly passed information along to another non-playoff team.  Here’s what information was allegedly shared:


—the letter/number code combination that gets you free Fritos out of the JGR break room vending machine.


—meditation exercises that allowed Joe Gibbs to humor Daniel Snyder for years.


—a map of all 42 tracks Martin Truex Jr. considers to be “home tracks”.


—location of the key that allows entrance into the secret vault where they store Dale Jarrett’s original mustache.


—map leading to the burial ground in Huntersville where they dumped the remaining shards of Kyle Busch’s guitar trophy.


—details of the contract they signed with Yahoo, revealing that a majority of it was simply reassuring JGR that Yahoo still exists.


—blueprints for a prototype stopwatch to finally prevent Denny Hamlin from speeding on pit road.



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Las Vegas Race Picks: Uncle Max vs. 13th Place


Well, I’m all ready for Christmas at work (and yes, we have a Hanukkah endcap as well).  These corporate visits get more annoying every year.  I *know* they have to find SOMETHING wrong to justify their existence, but really—marking us down for a bent shelving unit that THEY paid for?  Bah!

Anyways, we’re down to four weekend left in the season, and I’m really hoping to break this tie with Thirteenth Place.  Nobody likes a tie—not gamblers, not players, and not even racers (although such a thing is statistically impossible).  On the plus side, at least I’m not at the whims of chance—just my own judgement.


TRUCK SERIES (6 wins): off


Saturday Night XFINITY SERIES (5 wins) AMBETTER HEALTH 302: COLE CUSTER—how can there be a “302” race and it’s not in Delaware?!?


Sunday CUP SERIES SOUTH POINT 400: 13th Place (2 win) Picks KYLE BUSCH.  FAVORITE (2 wins): CHASE ELLIOTT—watch some people claim this is a “make good” for last week’s DQ of Alex Bowman. NEXT FAVORITE: CHRISTOPHER BELL—hard to believe the driver second in points hasn’t won since New Hampshire—thanks, bizarre points system.  DARK HORSE: TY GIBBS—the breakthrough win has to happen soon, right?



www.spaderacing.com updated four times weekly


www.facebook.com/spaderacing


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Visit the store https://www.cafepress.com/spaderacing


Buy the book 100 Stock Car Racing What Ifs Unauthorized


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A MOXOC Media production

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