Spade Racing: March 2023

Nascar Race Picks: Uncle Max vs. The Tarot Deck—Richmond/Texas

Talk about a heck of a weekend! Not only did I pick up wins in both the Truck and Xfinity Series, but I took the lead in my company March Madness pool! And even better, its the big one—big cash prizes for first through third! Who knew that picking UConn on a whim would leave me with a clear path to the big prize? It just goes to show you that sometimes you gotta pick the favorites (Trucks & Xfinity) and sometimes you gotta wing it a bit (March Madness). And, of course, sometime you have to dread the coming month—we have inventory at work (dun dun DUNNNN).

Saturday Early Afternoon XFINITY SERIES (1 win) ToyotaCare 250: John Hunter Nemechek—second win for JHN.

Saturday Late Afternoon TRUCK SERIES (1 win) SpeedyCash 250: Zane Smith—Mr. Smith Goes to Texas (and picks up his third straight win).

Sunday CUP SERIES Toyota Owners 400: The Tarot Deck (1 win) selects The Page of Swords, Ty Dillon. FAVORITE: Denny Hamlin—…and the Tarot Deck’s pick is proof that they really are random. NEXT FAVORITE: William Byron—keeping up his great start to the season. DARK HORSE: Bubba Wallace—MJ goes 2 for 2.

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Spade Racing Opens a Box of Panini PRIZM Cards, Part 12 of 12

Pack 12: Danica’s Ride, A Shifting Tide, and National Pride

FIRST LOOK: Hey, remember Danica Patrick? Yeah, I’ve kind of forgotten about her too.

TO THE BACK: JHN has gone back and forth from Trucks to Xfinity to Cup to Trucks to Xfinity again. The only constant is change for The Man With Three Names.

SAY WHAT: “Hang around—there’s a bonus entry next week. And AMERICAAAAA!!!”

RATING: 8 Green-White-Checkers out of 10

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Musically Declined: Kyle Petty, Oh King Richard

Kyle Petty—racer, philanthropist, commentator, and musician! Kyle’s musical exploits have been going on since the 80’s, but just how good are they? Let’s take a look back at the songs of Nascar’s favorite long-haired scion.

The Song: Oh King Richard (written and originally performed by Rodney Crowell)

The Star: Kyle Petty

The Clip: https://youtu.be/qv6C-e01xh4

The Review: Arguably Kyle’s greatest performance and inarguably his best-known performance, Kyle covers a tribute to his famous father Richard (hence the title). The original seemed to be about a fan lamenting how he never “made it big”, but that meaning takes on extra meaning with Kyle singing it, as a third-generation driver who was good but never measured up to his father’s lofty success. Also please note that this IS Kyle Petty in the music video, not Yanni—this was before Kyle looked like everyone’s middle school english teacher.

The Verdict: A great performance of a poignant song.

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National Weather Service Experimenting with Using Nascar to End Droughts

Shortly after a Nascar weekend was interrupted by a blizzard in Southern California, the United States government is exploring a new theory—that the mere presence of a Nascar race can end droughts.

“Correlation doesn’t equal causation, whatever that means”, said National Weather Service research scientist Dr. Marie Law. “But you can’t ignore the fact that it seems like when there’s Nascar, there’s a better-than-average chance of precipitation. Well, we’re aiming to see if there’s really anything to that theory.”

Dr. Law, who most-recently worked on a study to see if rain on a wedding day truly was ironic, has been taking years of data into consideration.

“We’re going back as far as 23 years ago to see if there’s anything to this”, Dr. Law said, “and we think there could be. We had to stop before we got to that one year Jeff Burton won a bunch of rain-delayed races because that could taint our data sample.”

As for the actual cause of a possible link between Nascar racing and rain, well, that’s what the National Weather Service aims to find out.

“It could be any number of things—extra pollutants in the air from the cars, the high concentration of high-temperature machinery in one spot, anything”, said Dr. Law. “We are aware that Darrell Waltrip said that racing could PREVENT rain, but quite frankly we feel that DW being wrong on something better supports our claim.

Dr. Law said that experiments will begin shortly to see if there is anything to the theory.

“We’re going to have an ‘exhibition race’ in a dry desert in a few weeks with a handful of cars”, Dr. Law said, “and we’re expecting that it could rain. Oh, and there won’t be any fans there due to the chance of lightning—no need for people to point out the lack of a crowd online.”

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Nascar Race Picks: Uncle Max vs. The Tarot Deck—COTA

Normally this is where you’d expect me to complain that my March Madness bracket is busted, but au contraire—I’m still alive in my richest, biggest pool! In fact, I’m running neck-and-neck with someone in HR who I’m pretty sure made their picks at random—how else would they know FDU would beat Purdue?

On the flip side, well, there’s my Nascar performance so far, with zero wins across all three national touring series. Well, here’s hoping that starts this weekend, as I go for an all-road-course-ringer lineup. Either this works, or I get out the old dart board.

Saturday Afternoon TRUCK SERIES XPEL 225: Zane Smith—a win in last year’s race qualifies him as a “road course ringer” in my book.

Saturday Evening XFINITY SERIES Pit Boss 250: AJ Allmendinger—when in doubt on a road course, double down on the Dinger.

Sunday CUP SERIES EchoPark Texas Grand Prix: The Tarot Deck (1 win) selects The Three of Pentacles, third in points Ross Chastain. FAVORITE: AJ Allmendinger—see above. NEXT FAVORITE: Jordan Taylor—hey, it could happen. DARK HORSE: Austin Cindric—he DOES have road course experience, you know.

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Spade Racing Opens a Box of Panini PRIZM Cards, Part 11 of 12

Pack 11: AD, Leaving Awkwardly, and Jeff’s Shiny

FIRST LOOK: I’m a sucker for a nice picture of a driver with reflective shades—my fave is when you can see a checkered pattern reflected in them. Also, does anyone stop Austin on pit road to read all the fine print under the Breztri logo on his fire suit?

TO THE BACK: Kyle has a little bit of an awkward smile on his face here. Maybe he knew he’d be leaving Joe Gibbs Racing for RCR? Or maybe he just had too much tartar on his wisdom teeth.

SAY WHAT: “Even four-time champions like to feel gold and refracted!”

RATING: 7 Top Tens out of…uh, 10

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Track “Facts”: Portland

Nascar races on all sorts of tracks, from short to long, oval to road course, concrete to asphalt. Here’s a bi-weekly look at all the tracks of Nascar’s National Touring Series.

PORTLAND INTERNATIONAL RACEWAY

1.95 mile asphalt road course

Opened 1960

Lights? No

Series: Xfinity

Nicknames: West Delta Park, The Other “PIR”

THREE FUN FACTS:

1. Portland International Raceway was built on the site of a wartime settlement destroyed by a flood. Wow, and they talk about Talladega being haunted!

2. PIR is one of many road course facilities to use the popular “plastic shoe that melted in the microwave” track layout shape.

3. Note that this track has nothing to do with Portland Maine, Portland Cement, or Port Land, an ill-conceived shipping-themed theme park.

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Harry Hogge Returns with Hendrick Motorsports

One week after all four of their crew chiefs were suspended for unapproved parts, Hendrick Motorsports was forced to dig deep to find replacements for the next four weeks. One of them is a true blast from the past—former Daland Motorsports crew chief Harry Hogge.

“I don’t think Harry’s lost a step”, Hendrick said in advance of this weekend’s race at Atlanta. “We all saw what he did with Cole Trickle and, before that, the late Buddy Bretherton. I feel confident that we’re putting one of our Cup teams in the hands of Hogge, and I can go back to negotiating with Hendrick Cars to expand their sponsorship of Hendrick Motorsports.”

The 92-year-old Hogge (who’s team assignment has yet to be revealed) returns to the sports for the first time since his legendary 1990 season with Trickle, followed by his upset win in the 1991 Daytona 500 for Rowdy Burns Racing.

“We all look up to Harry”, said HMS crew member Austin Leesa. “He’s an expert on the ‘slingshot pass’ and knew how to build a car that was low on downforce and high on fuel capacity. Granted, most of those things have been legislated out of the sport, but still, he has some pretty nice stories.”

Hogge, who was unavailable for comment, has spent the past thirty years pursing such varied careers as LAPD detective, Argentine tango expert, and Will Ferrell’s dad. However, its his return to the role of Nascar crew chief that has the sport buzzing.

“We were lucky that we could find an experienced, successful crew chief like Harry available to come work with us”, Leesa said. “We could only pull so many staffers from JR Motorsports—a team we are merely affiliated with, and in no way, shape or form control.”

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Nascar Race Picks: Uncle Max vs. The Tarot Deck—Atlanta

First off, congratulations to whatever dark forces control the Tarot Deck on their first win of the year. But more-importantly, its March Madness time! Here’s my five biggest pieces of advice to have a shot at winning your office pool:

1. At least one 12-seed will beat a 5-seed.

2. Gonzaga always chokes at some point.

3. With 1, 2, & 3 seeds, chalk is your friend.

4. When in doubt, pick a power conference.

5. If you’re still in doubt, pick the team closest to the site of the game.

…and of course, have fun—because you know that Theresa in accounting who picked winners based on schools her friends went to will somehow win it all.

Saturday Afternoon TRUCK SERIES FR8 208: John Hunter Nemechek--Gee, its a good thing 10,000 RPM Equipment never sponsored a race.

Saturday Evening XFINITY SERIES Raptor 250: Josh Berry—Nascar’s new super-sub (he’s good--Greg Sacks good!).

Sunday CUP SERIES Ambetter 400: The Tarot Deck (1 win) selects The Ace of Pentacles, first in points Alex Bowman. FAVORITE: Ryan Blaney—back to back wins (he won here last year) after back-to-back wins. NEXT FAVORITE: Kyle Busch—Two-time winners twice in a row. DARK HORSE: Erik Jones—hopefully RP doesn’t complain too much in victory lane.

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Spade Racing Opens a Box of Panini PRIZM Cards, Part 10 of 12

Pack 10: Who IS She, Winning Denny, and Getting Crazy

FIRST LOOK: Brittney Zamora has made zero national touring series starts, but I’ve kept getting cards of her for the past few years. Who the heck IS she and how can I get her PR rep?

TO THE BACK: 47 wins is a pretty impressive total for any driver, but even more-impressively Denny has done it all for one team (JGR), in a car with one number (11) and with really only one primary sponsor (FedEx)—now THAT’S consistency!

SAY WHAT: “Whatever you’re doing, make sure you’re watching the last lap at Martinsville. Trust me.”

RATING: 7 Wall Rides out of 10

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Musically Declined: Kyle Petty, Nothing a Little Love Won’t Cure

The Song: Nothing a Little Love Won’t Cure

The Star: Kyle Petty

The Clip: https://youtu.be/PZGtQPTOfiw?t=50

The Review: Kyle Petty once wrote that “as a songwriter, I’m a pretty good singer”, and boy is that true here. One of Kyle’s first performances (coming in 1988 on TNN) unfortunately shows off his rather-thin voice. We can give him a pass on his vocal limitations to nervousness, but we CANNOT let that pink sweater go unpunished.

The Verdict: OK for a first effort, but Kyle could’ve gone for whatever the opposite of helium is.

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Who The Heck is…Sammy Smith?

Yesterday Sammy Smith won his first Xfinity Series race, beating the stars of Nascar’s second-tier series, as well as a few Cup drivers dropping down for an “easy” win (Kyle Busch, I’m looking in your direction). But who IS this driver who has suddenly popped onto the national racing scene? Let’s find out!

Sammy’s family is friends with the Annett family, as in Michael Annett, which explains the Pilot/FlyingJ sponsorship. On the flip side, unlike Annett, Sammy seems to actually have, y’know, talent.

Prior to this year Sammy has competed in such diverse series as CARS and ARCA. And let’s take a good long second to admire the the CARS Series, the most-generic sounding name in motorsports since “Team Racing”.

Speaking of ARCA, Sammy raced there last year for Kyle Busch Motorsports, winning the East Series championship for the second-straight year. Its helpful to know that KBM continues to make stars for teams Kyle doesn’t race for.

With yesterday’s win Sammy Smith becomes the youngest-ever winner in the Xfinity/Nationwide/Busch Series. While I don’t have time to look it up, I’m going to assume the record was previous held by either Joey Logano or Casey Atwood.

Smith has won such prestigious regional races as the Winchester 400, Redbud 400, Farmer Frank’s Challenge, and Florida Governor’s Cup—and its up to YOU to determine which of those I made up.

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Nascar Race Picks: Uncle Max vs. The Tarot Deck—Phoenix

Its almost tournament time—and no, I don’t mean the meaningless World Baseball Classic. I mean March Madness is almost here! I run a few bracket pools every year, usually two at work (one for everyone, one just for my fellow managers) and run at least one for my group of friends. I’ll have my picks next week—hey, and you thought my Nascar picks were bad!

But seriously, this has NOT been a good start to my season. Three weeks in, still no winners. Here’s hoping the trip to the desert breaks up this drought.

TRUCK SERIES —off till next week

Saturday Afternoon XFINITY SERIES United Rentals 200: Kyle Busch—Groundhog Day is back again again.

Sunday CUP SERIES United Rentals 500: The Tarot Deck selects The Queen of Swords, last week’s winner William Byron. FAVORITE: Alex Bowman—the HMS train (or should that be boat?) keeps rolling. NEXT FAVORITE: Kyle Larson—retribution from last week. DARK HORSE: Josh Berry—maybe I’m outsmarting myself here.

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Spade Racing Opens a Box of Panini PRIZM Cards, Part 9 of 12

Pack 9: Two Dales, White Whales, and Hair Gales

FIRST LOOK: Thanks to Panini owning the licenses for certain drivers for years after their retirements, we get cards for drivers like Dale Jr. Although due to the controversial management of his father’s estate by his widow, we don’t get Dale Sr. cards. Strange.

TO THE BACK: Rusty seemed to REALLY want to win a title after joining Penske Racing South, but his best shot came in 1993 when Dale Sr. essentially wrecked him out of the championship.

SAY WHAT: “Uh-oh, is that breeze making my hair flip up like a roof flap?”

RATING: 9 End Over End Flips out of 10

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Track “Facts”: Indianapolis Raceway Park

Nascar races on all sorts of tracks, from short to long, oval to road course, concrete to asphalt. Here’s a bi-weekly look at all the tracks of Nascar’s National Touring Series.

LUCAS OIL INDIANAPOLIS RACEWAY PARK

0.686 mile asphalt short track

Opened 1960

Lights? Yes

Series: Trucks

Nicknames: IRP, LORP, MEEP MORP

THREE FUN FACTS:

1. IRP is the only track Nascar races on that is owned by NHRA, a result of the huge drag racing facility on-site. NHRA hosts its most-prestigious race here, The US Nationals, which kind of makes me want to see a low-level drag race on the Daytona backstretch.

2. The Xfinity Series used to race here before its race was moved to the much-larger Indianapolis Motor Speedway in order to give fans the chance for a two-hour nap on Saturdays.

3. Mario Andretti won his first-ever IndyCar race at this track, which must be confusing to open wheel fans. It would be like if Richard Petty won HIS first Nascar race on, say, Deltona Motor Raceway.

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