2 Hours, 45 Minutes Before the Green Flag: Change into remarkably clean firesuit (no laps=no sweat).
2 Hours, 30 Minutes Before the Green Flag: Meeting with sponsors (last weekend was ‘Recliner 4 Sale Dark Brown V. Minor Fabric Damage $150 OBO’).
2 Hours Before the Green Flag: Meet with Ford Racing representatives (a guy in a blue polo shirt who claims to drive a ’98 Ranger).
1 Hour 30 Minutes Before the Green Flag: Pre-race meal—ramen noodles, expired beef jerky, and whatever soda they could swipe from JRM’s coolers.
1 Hour Before the Green Flag: Drivers’ meeting, try again to get “Hey I’m an F1 champion” joke to make someone laugh.
30 Minutes Before the Green Flag: Drivers’ introductions—the silence is a good time to check for tinnitus.
15 Minutes Before the Green Flag: Pre-race ceremonies, try think of new ways to explain why the car will “fail”.
5 Minutes Before the Green Flag: Get strapped in, fire up the engine, roll off pit road, and think about where to go in about half an hour.
GREEN FLAG!: Fall to the back, wonder how it got to be this way, regret departure from JGR, avoid spinning Natalie Decker.
5 Minutes After the Green Flag: Pit, sit in car, watch crew do nothing, then go back on track. It’s a lot like life.
15 Minutes After the Green Flag: Pit, use random excuse to explain why car isn’t working, pull behind the garage, say hi to Phil the official who takes pity on us.
30 Minutes After the Green Flag: Help team load car onto hauler that was once a backup hauler to the backup hauler for Hendrick Motorsports’ test team.
45 Minutes After the Green Flag: If possible, pull out of the garage through the tunnel to beat the traffic. If not possible, stay and play canasta to pass the time.
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