An offseason journey through the best buys, premiere products, and special specials for Nascar fans.
Tired of being just a cog in the machine? Feeling like nobody knows or cares who you are? Want to stand out from the crowd? Well, have we got a deal for you!
Get your very own Tangential Earnhardt Connection today! That’s right—earn the support and fandom of aging Nascar fans everywhere! YOU can be the next Michael Waltrip, Ron Hornaday Jr., or even Josh Wise!
Here’s how it works—we secretly create a connection between you and either Dale Earnhardt Sr. or Dale Earnhardt Jr. It can be anything—maybe you substituted for an injured driver at DEI, your uncle could’ve been one of the Flying Aces, or even just being a pretty good friend of Andy Petree*. Then just sit back and watch the blind support come in!
You’ve seen how people automatically bash iK9 for letting Jeffrey Earnhardt go despite him never showing any improvement. Well now YOU’LL be the one with people taking your side no matter what! You’ll also have a built-in fanbase should you ever enter Nascar as a driver, team owner, or broadcaster—just look at how it helped Darrell Waltrip, even though Earnhardt fans hated him for decades!
Look, we could all use a little help now and then. But with the Tangential Earnhardt Connection, you’ll get more help than you could ever need all the time.
*—does not include the secret to Andy Petree never aging.
NEXT TIME ON SRSN: Fashion and grooming tips from Derrike Cope