An offseason journey through the best buys, premiere products, and special specials for Nascar fans.
Hey you! Yeah, you over there. Hate your name? Stuck with something lame like Aloysius or Mortimer? Name just don’t fit you like it used to? Want to restart your life and don’t know what to call yourself?
Well, today’s your lucky day!
By calling now YOU can order the unused first and middle names of Chase Elliott—William Clyde! He’s not using them for anything but legal documents and possible future trademark litigation, so they’re yours for the taking!
Just think about going through life with a brand new name like “William”—the pride and respect alone makes it a bargain. And you can change it anyway you’d like—Will, Willie, Bill, Billy—its all up to you.
And a cool middle name like Clyde? Nobody will be disappointed when they ask you what the “C” in your signature stands for! And hey—feel free to use it as YOUR new nickname too—works for Walt Frazier.
Please note that by obtaining Chase Elliott’s first and middle names you will be legally prohibited from using the nickname “Chase”, although if you’re involved in Nascar you probably know that too many people use that name in the first place.
NEXT TIME ON SRSN: Intellectual property of the Slim Jim All-Pro Series