Nascar’s Cup Series made its first-ever second trip to Las Vegas Motor Speedway today as the 1.5 miler earned a second date on the schedule this year. Here’s what Nascar’s other once-a-year Cup tracks need to do to get themselves that coveted return trip:
Atlanta—Figure out a way to prevent it from raining like it seems to do at EVERY DAMN RACE they have.
Auto Club—Let more people into their precious “Auto Club”—just because a guy doesn’t live in California doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve to get that 10% off coupon at Jiffy Lube!
Chicagoland—1.) Invent a time machine. 2.) Go back in time. 3.) Let the track architects know that having a racing surface with no true straightaways doesn’t make it cute, it makes it incredibly dull.
Darlington—Force every race fan who says they’d go to a second race here to actually buy tickets to said second race.
Homestead—Run the race in the heat of the summer during the day and promote it as an endurance race. First driver to pass out from dehydration gets a stage point.
Indianapolis—Have half the field run as usual and the other half run the road course. Include a few barrels on the track and some oil slicks for fun.
Kentucky—Redo the track layout so that instead of the track and garage spelling out “DW”, it spells out “BF”.
New Hampshire—Dismantle the track and reassemble it in the greater New York City area.
Sonoma—Just run the second race at “Sears Point” and add a chicane or two—most people won’t be able to tell the difference. Oh, and water the damn grass.
Watkins Glen—Free admission to anyone named “Glen” should keep the track’s sellout run going.