The Nascar world was shook early today when Kurt Busch announced that he had signed with Stewart-Haas Racing for 2014 and beyond. Mere minutes later, the greater Charlotte area literally shook from the impact of Ryan Newman's head exploding.
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"Obviously, we don't get too many earthquakes here", said North Carolina Department of Geology director Clayton Stevens, "but we noticed a bump in our detection devices late this morning. Upon further investigation, we found that this came from a man named Ryan Newman, whose head apparently exploded at the same exact time."
Newman, who was let go from Stewart-Haas effective the end of the season, was said to have been eating a late breakfast when he heard of the news of Busch's signing. Mere seconds afterwards, his head apparently detonated, sending literal shockwaves throughout the region.
"Mr. Newman's home obviously had the strongest effects of the blast", Stevens continued, "but we had reports from as far away as Uptown Charlotte of people's windows rattling."
Newman was immediately rushed to the Mooresville Intensive Head Care Center to have the situation remedied. Despite losing his head, he is expected to recover in time for this week's race at Atlanta.
"We admitted Mr. Newman early this afternoon", a spokesman for the Care Center said, "and we are working diligently to repair the damage. In fact, we have a new head ready for placement, if only we could find the patient's neck."