This is a parody
Preparing for a season of change in 2024, Kaulig Racing has solidified one of its Cup cars for next year, putting Daniel Hemric in the 31 Chevy for some reason.
“We needed someone for the ride, and Daniel was already under contract, so I guess he’s as good a choice as any”, said team spokesman Herb Schultz at Bristol today. “I mean, SOMEone needs to drive the car, so why not Hemric, right?”
Hemric, who has a single win across 235 national touring series starts, seemed mildly pleased with the decision.
“Oh, the Cup ride? Yeah, that’s pretty good, I guess”, Hemric said from the team’s hauler this morning. “Let’s see if we can get some top-20s next year, maybe a top-ten or two. I mean a ride’s a ride.”
The elevation of Hemric from Xfinity back to Cup full-time has been called “The Move That Happened” by several of the sport’s insiders.
“When you have a team that needs a driver, that team will usually hire someone”, said local sportswriter David Abrams. “And having a driver—no matter who it is—tends to be better than not having a driver at all.”
The team must now decide what to do with the number 16 car for next season.
“We’ve looked at a number of options for the 16”, Schultz said. “We feel that AJ (Allmendinger) offers a certain baseline of performance, but we might consider taking a ‘flyer’ on someone who’s a bit less of a known quantity. But regardless of who we choose, you can be sure that there will be a driver of some esteem in the 31 next year, and that will be Daniel Hedrick—I mean, Hemric.”
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