Due to unforeseen circumstances I won’t be able to watch today’s race. Instead, enjoy this pre-race post-race article.
The Brickyard 400, one of Nascar’s four Crown Jewel races…or so they tell us. Anyone with some experience watching the sport will tell you that Nascar’s annual trip to Indianapolis is typically one of the dullest races of the year. And while making it the “regular season finale” was an attempt to add more drama, it seems to have mostly just added more tedium for those watching at home. So if you find yourself bored out of your mind and getting sick of the storylines being pushed by NBC, enjoy this drinking game from Spade Racing (please drink responsibly—that’s why “fuel mileage” isn’t included in this game).
Take a SIP when…
—anyone says the words “drama”, “cut-off” or “bubble” (this is why you should drink responsibly)
—Paul Menard and/or Ricky Stenhouse Jr. are mentioned as drivers who could “win their way in”
—Ryan Newman doesn’t let someone pass him
—any awkward transition to a promo for tonight’s Sunday Night Football is made (example: “Speed on the track, and we’ll see some speed on the football field tonight!”)
—Jeff Burton and/or Dale Jr. and/or Steve LeTarte talk over each other
Take a DRINK when…
—JGR’s dominance is mentioned
—anyone tries to politely state that Jimmie Johnson’s best days are behind him (example: “And with so many races, so many wins, how many more are left for this seven-time champion and has he maxed out?”)
—Rutledge Wood talks about fishing that damn brick out of the water
—any commercial caution (side-by-side/nonstop doesn’t count)
Take a GULP when…
—any “win-and-they’re-in” driver goes on a different pit strategy
—any broadcaster shoehorns in a reference to Antonio Brown (example: “Erik Jones getting his contract situation sorted out, unlike a certain wide receiver who was in the news yesterday”)
—two or more drivers fight on pit road
—anyone manages to justify holding next week’s race on a SUNDAY NIGHT
—a fan manages to get on camera ranting about Jeffrey Earnhardt
FINISH THE BOTTLE when…
—the track sells out the grandstand