As you’ve no doubt heard, seven-time Nascar Cup champion Jimmie Johnson is losing Lowe’s—the only sponsor he’s ever had at the Cup level—at the end of this season. While Hendrick Motorsports is surely working overtime to fill the 48 car’s 36 race sponsorship inventory, here’s a few suggestions for who they should go after:
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—Oatmeal—healthy, steady, and bland—just like ol’ 7-time himself
—Beard Care—preferably whatever dye Jimmie uses to make it look like he doesn’t dye his beard
—Styrofoam Manufacturers—because him crashing into the foam blocks at Watkins Glen is STILL his most-famous highlight
—Parker Store, Checker Cab Company, or University of Iowa—that way they can retain the black-and-yellow look
—Big Daddy’s BBQ Sauce—just kidding
—Seagrams 7 Whiskey—but they might want to have Super 8 on retainer in case Jimmie rebounds