 |
| "Someone tell Mother Nature that Jeff Burton might be here, but he's retired." |
“Hello, and thank you for coming out today. With this being my annual trip to a Nascar race outside of Florida, I thought it was time for a big announcement. Yes, this is the only announcement, the only rule change, the only ANYTHING that will make all Nascar fans happy.”
“You’re getting rid of the Chase?”
“No, the Chase is staying—turns out there are plenty of fans who DO like it.”
“Oh, then you’re banning Cup drivers from the lower series then.”
“No, turns out people who go to Xfinity races don’t get all that excited about a Regan Smith vs. Chris Buescher battle.”
“Wait I got it—you’re lowering prices across the board for every track.”
“Nope—I don’t have much control over that. You’d have to talk to Bruton or my sister about that.”
“Moving races back to network tv?”
“Nah—tv networks paid their money already.”
“Letting teams mess with the cars as much as they want?”
“People don’t exactly like a race with two cars on the lead lap.”
“Less commercials?!?”
“Getting warmer, but we’d have to go to PPV then.”
“Well then what the heck is it!?!”
“As of this moment, Sonic will be banned from airing any commercials with those two white guys sitting in their car.”
“FINALLY!!!”