April 2nd, 2063: Nascar Debuting at Monaco Street Circuit



While Formula 1 is still the undisputed champion of motorsports worldwide, they’ll have a new competitor in the rear-view mirror, as Nascar has inked a deal to replace F1 on the historic Monaco Street Circuit starting next season.

“We’re not going to abandon our roots in the United States, but we feel that Monaco is the perfect place to put down international stakes”, said a Nascar spokesvision.  “We will proudly race at Monaco for our annual “Clash” non-points event starting next season, combining the excitement of Nascar with the glitz and glamour of Monte Carlo.”

Nascar has moved its pre-season Clash event to several unique locations since 2022, including the LA Coliseum, the Streets of New Jersey, and the ill-fated “Hover Track” above Dallas.  But this will be the first time the race has been held overseas.

“We’ve seen plenty of great on-track action with our four street courses in America—why not export that action overseas?” the spokesvision said.  “Once F1 decided to abandon Monaco again, we worked quickly to take their place.  After all, our experts say there’s at least a decade left before sea levels rise to the racing surface.”

The race will see the debut of the all-new “19th-Gen Car”, whose smaller size is expected to take well to the tight Monaco circuit.

“We wouldn’t have done this if we didn’t think we could fit a stock car onto our streets”, a Monaco Automotive Club spokesman said in a prepared statement.  “We feel there could be the chance of as many as five passes in a 75-lap race—more than double what we normally see here for F1!”


IN OTHER NEWS: Spade Racing Acquired by No One

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Spade Racing Opens a Box of Panini PRIZM Cards, Part 3 of 12



Pack 3: A Promoter of Hair, a Drive Always There, and a Ride to Share




FIRST LOOK: Toni promotes Hairclub, but she already has a pretty impressive head of hair on her.  Kind of defeats the purpose, doesn’t it?  Why not sponsor someone like Todd Bodine or Larry McReynolds?


TO THE BACK: Its pretty cool that McDriver was driven to succeed at a young age.  If they made the movie of his life, would young Michael have delivered a monologue like “I’m going to work my way up the ladder of a dying race series, then burst onto the Nascar scene by torpedoing the wall!”


SAY WHAT: “Need a ride?  I got one.  Seriously, come drive my Cup car, we got open dates”.


RATING: 8 Sets of Tires out of 10



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Track “Facts”: Darlington



Nascar races on all sorts of tracks, from short to long, oval to road course, concrete to asphalt.  Here’s a weekly look at all the tracks of Nascar’s National Touring Series.


DARLINGTON RACEWAY


1.366 mile asphalt egg-shaped oval (well, kinda)


Opened 1950


Lights?  Yes


Series: Cup, Xfinity, Trucks


Nicknames: The Lady in Black, The Track Too Tough to Tame, A Tradition of Heritage


THREE FUN FACTS:

1. Darlington got its (not-quite) egg shape in an attempt to avoid building over a minnow pond.  You’ll probably hear this an average of 3.5 times over a televised race weekend.


2. In 1997 the track’s layout was flipped, with the old frontstretch becoming the new backstretch and vice versa.  This might sound odd, but it STILL made more sense than taking away their Labor Day Weekend race date a few years later.


3. In recent years Darlington has instituted a popular “Throwback Weekend”, something beloved by most fans and disliked by the bitterest people on the planet (so, basically, most racing forum denizens).


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