Jimmie Johnson Can’t Figure Out How He Won; Chad Knaus Credits “The Plan”

A befuddled Jimmie Johnson emerged victorious at Martinsville Speedway today, honestly unsure of how he was able to win today’s Cup Series race.

“Um, I don’t really know how we made this happen”, Johnson mentioned earnestly to the assembled media.  “I mean, we ran out of gas on that weird caution when (Carl) Edwards wrecked, shouldn’t I have been a lap down, or at least dropped back to the tail end of the longest line for not maintaining the proper speed?  I dunno, maybe I shouldn’t ask so many questions, but it’s weird, y’know?”

Johnson’s win puts him in the “Championship 4” at the finale in Homestead, though he admitted he will have trouble putting a possible championship in perspective.

“We’re always trying to win a championship, and you never want to look at gift horse in the mouth, but really, how do we put THIS into perspective?”, Johnson asked aloud.  “I mean, when we look back on this, if we manage to win it all, what will we say, ‘Boy, we really got lucky there, I think, at Martinsville, THAT was the moment that propelled us to a record-typing fifth championship?’  I guess these things happen.”

However, in a marked difference in demeanor, Johnson’s crew chief Chad Knaus seemed to be calmly satisfied in his team’s effort, giving credit to “The Plan”.

“The Plan is correct.  The Plan is sound.  The Plan rules all.”, Knaus said almost robotically in the post-race media session.  “Nascar tried to deviate from The Plan.  Nascar didn’t know the power of The Plan.  Now Nascar knows.  Now The Plan will be followed to its finality.”

Klaus refused to say what, exactly, “The Plan” is, although he appeared to have issues explaining what it was himself.

“The Plan is bigger than all of us.  The Plan is not to be explained.  The Plan is not to be known”, Knaus said, adding, “Only in the end times of Homestead will The Plan be completely revealed to all.”

Meanwhile, Ricky Stenhouse Jr. was seen arguing with his crew chief over his “JGR-like strategy” to stay near the back all day.

Martinsville BINGO

“News” and Notes takes a hiatus during the Chase—instead, here’s a fun game you can play at home while watching the race on tv.  In honor of Douglas Ladd’s great idea, here’s Spade Racing’s BINGO!

Nascar Hell In A/The Cell

As we approach Halloween, we can be sure of two things: 1.) I won’t get invited to a Halloween party, and 2.) It’s almost time for the WWE to host their annual “Hell In A Cell” match, or, 2a.) “Hell In The Cell”, depending on your preference.  Thankfully WWE has hooked up with Nascar to put forth this event:

(Card Subject to Change)

Pre-show:

“Rapid” Ryan Reed vs. “Choo-Choo” Charlie Kimball—Insulin on a Pole Match

Undercard:

Miles the Monster vs. Milo The Moose—Dover vs. New Hampshire showdown for Dullest Race of the Year

Paul Menard “Burns” and “Meow” Ryan Newman vs. “Bullseye” Kyle Larson and “Number One” Jamie McMurray—“Best of the Rest” Tag Team Match

Greg “The Biff” Biffle vs. “Panama” Jack Roush—Winner gets to decide when the other leaves the sport

Title Matches:

Nascar Six-Man Tag Team Title Match—Jimmie “Jam” Johnson, Alex “Substitute Driver” Bowman, and Kasey “I’m Still Here” Kahne (with Dale Earnhardt Jr.) vs. “Concrete” Carl Edwards, “Chin Fuzz” Denny Hamlin, and Matt “Even I Don’t Know Who Will Sponsor My Car with DeWalt Next Year” Kenseth (with Erik Jones)

Nascar Tag Team Title Match—The Penske Posse (Brad Keselowski and Joey Logano) vs. The SHuRe Things (Kurt Busch and Tony Stewart)

Nascar Rookie of the Year Title Match—Chase “I Blame Myself” Elliott vs. Ryan “Forever 21” Blaney vs. Chris “Rain Man” Buescher (loser has to drive home with Brian Scott)

Main Event Triple-Threat Match:

Nascar Championship Title Match—Kevin “The Closer” Harvick vs. Kyle “Rowdy” Busch vs. Martin “Bad Luck” Truex Jr.