Dover "News" and Notes, the Tax-Free Edition



--Note--as I will actually be attending this race (thanks Dad!) there won't be a post-race recap this weekend.  Adjust your schedules accordingly.
--The Red Cross has shown Kurt Busch as a zombie for some reason.
--Speaking of KuBu, he's officially going to the Furniture Row Racing car starting right after Talladega.  Maybe moving to the high-altitude, low-oxygen Rocky Mountains will finally set him straight.  Nah.
--Denny Hamlin is working with a sports psychologist to try and "love Dover", his worst track.  Um, Denny, I moved to Delaware eight years ago and I'm STILL keeping The First State at arm's length.
--Better hurry, Elliott Sadler--only a few more races left to whine about your ride, your teammates, etc.
--Keep in mind that Dover is one of the few tracks that does NOT use an asphalt surface (using concrete instead), joining Bristol (concrete) and Watkins Glen (oil).

Lets Blow it Up and Start Over: Television



In the third part of an ongoing-ongoing series, I take a look at a particular aspect of Nascar (in this case, the TV packages), and give it a makeover from square one.

Trying to "fix" what's "wrong" with Nascar's TV coverage is a little like me going on Match.com--its destined to fail.  But really, what do fans complain about more than Nascar on TV?  Again, we're taking the point-of-view that we could redo EVERYTHING from the ground up, contracts and restrictions be damned.

THE SCHEDULE
One of my issues with the current coverage is that the Chase, Nascar's playoff, is basically an afterthought to football (College and Pro).  We always complain that we can't watch NFL & Nascar at the same time, but ESPN can't put races on Saturday Nights--that's football time.  So how about we go to a Network that CAN do it?  Here's my idea:  Fox does the first 13 races (plus the Shootout and All-Star Race), ESPN/ABC does the next 13 races (includes Indy), and TNT does the 10 Chase races.  This would allow MUCH more races to be moved to Saturday Nights or Sunday Late-Afternoons.  With that being said…

THE ANNOUNCERS
Hey TNT--if you want to stay in Nascar, make sure you have, y'know, Nascar announcers.  That means no more Wally Dallenbach Jr., who always seems like he was forced to go to his high-school reunion when he's on-air.  Maybe bump-up one of the B-crew announcers, like Ricky Craven or Jeff Hammond, to pair with Kyle Petty.
Another issue that needs to be addressed--business relationships between announcers and other companies.  Its hard to take Darrell Waltrip seriously when he's extolling the virtues of the Toyota Camry.  So, all three networks should publish a list before the season with every company its broadcasters are involved with.  Look, there's no way to stop former drivers from doing commercials and owning race teams (if they did, there'd be nobody in the booth), but at least we can be informed about it.
As for the announcers themselves, people complain constantly about, well, everybody, but really, other than Wally and the unnecessary pairing of both Waltrips on the same crews, I don't have a problem with 'em.

THE START TIMES
Hey, remember when Nascar had standard start-times for all its races?  Yeah, it only took about ONE YEAR for that to go away, even though everybody seemed to enjoy it.  I'd like to see them go back to the old system, but if they can't, at least standardize the green flag start-times.  In other words, have races start at 1:19pm, 2:19pm, 7:19pm, etc., for those of us who don't have time for the pre-race.

NBC
Simple--keep NBC out of the sport for as long as possible.

CABLE/INTERNET
There are a surprising amount of people who can't watch races on ESPN, TNT, or Speed because they don't have cable.  So, make it a requirement that if you show the race on a cable station, you have to make it available online.  There's got to be a way to simply put it online with the same commercials you get on TV, or make it available for a very small fee per-race.

SIDE-BY-SIDE COVERAGE…
…is awesome.  People get to see the commercials AND see the race.  I really find it hard to see the downside to this, since it keeps people from flicking around the channels.  Put Side-by-Side on for the final 1/2 or 1/3 of every race and ratings will go up!

Calling Their Shots


The Babe points out where "That saucy little number with the killer gams" is sitting

In Nascar's long history, more than just Denny Hamlin have "called" or "guaranteed" victories in upcoming races.  Here's a look at the most-memorable:

1948: Jim Roper guarantees that if he wins Nascar's first Strictly-Stock race, he'll be remembered as the winner of Nascar's first Strictly-Stock race.

1953: Jocko Flocko promises a crippled young chimpanzee that, if he'll get out of that veterinarian's office and walk again, he'll win at Hickory.

1962: Junior Johnson teaches a parrot to say "We're gonna win!", believed to be the first-ever Nascar Tweet.

1967: Richard Petty shows up at a racetrack, thus guaranteeing him a victory.

1979: Kyle Petty vows that, after winning his first race of any kind (an ARCA race at Daytona), he will devote more time to what really matters--country music and pro wrestling.

1986: Bill Elliott is asked "Do you think you've got a shot to win today?" by a newspaper reporter.  While his response was printed as "Yes", his ACTUAL response was "Damned if I know".

1990: Dale Earnhardt Sr. privately vows to win the Daytona 500, prophetically adding "…unless some nobody from Washington state beats us."

1995: Jeff Gordon promises not only to win, but to do so in a way that will cause most of Nascar's fans to loathe him for the next dozen years.

2011: Tony Stewart doesn't come through when he guarantees that his team doesn't belong in the Chase.