This is a parody
After last weekend showed the lengths some drivers will go to just to make the playoffs, Nascar has begun considering tweaks to its playoff eligibility rules. Amongst those being considered are a minimum points position, an F1-style penalty points system, and a talent contest held the night of the regular season finale.
“We’re looking at everything we can to deliver an exciting season to our fans”, said Nascar spokesman Peter Gately. “So far, our consideration is focused on allowing fifteen drivers in based on wins and/or points, and a sixteenth driver based on winning the talent show after the last regular season race. That way instead of ramming your car into other competitors, you can just wait to show everyone your singing ability.”
The competition, which would be held immediately after the conclusion of the 26th points race of the year, would feature all drivers not currently in the playoffs.
“We would have four expert judges, plus the fans at the track acting as the ‘fifth judge’”, said George Gallagher, Nascar’s Director of Special Projects. “After a grueling 400-to-500 mile race, which driver is willing to wow the judges with a beautiful dance routine? Or will someone step completely out of their comfort zone by performing acrobatics? The possibilities are limitless.”
Reactions to the proposal have been mixed.
“That’s literally the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard”, said one team owner anonymously. “Next they’ll want our pit crews singing barbershop quartet.”
“Wait, seriously?”, said a bewildered race fan. “Jeez, they REALLY don’t want a full season championship, do they?”
“Honestly, I don’t want to discount it right away”, said an unidentified driver. “I mean, its nice to know that if our team can’t perform, I can always fall back on my magic act from high school.”
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