Nascar to Follow NFL’s Lead by Ignoring Los Angeles Market for Two Decades

This is a work of parody

With the former Auto Club Speedway’s renovations appeared to be stalled and the Busch Light Clash anticipated to move from the Los Angeles Coliseum to Mexico, one would think that Nascar hasn’t put much thought into its presence in the Southern California market.  However, a Nascar official explained that this is all part of a larger plan.

“The National Football League is the be-all, end-all of American sports, right?”, said Nascar spokesman Mark Wade.  “So it only makes sense to follow in their footsteps.  That’s why we are embarking on a years-long plan to string the greater Los Angeles market along while simultaneously not having any events there—it just makes sense.”

Nascar, which made a move over the past thirty years into more major media markets, appears willing to let the second-largest market in the country lay fallow for a while.

“We did this once before, when Riverside Raceway went out of business in the late-80’s”, Wade explained.  “So rather than running a race at, say, Irwindale or the Long Beach street circuit, we’ll run no races at all.  It’ll be just like the NFL in the late-90’s, only Martinsville will be OUR Green Bay.”

The long-muddled renovation plans to Auto Club (formerly California) Speedway appear to also be part of Nascar’s scheme.

“We plan to turn Auto Club (Speedway) into a half-mile short track slowly.  Verrrry slowly.  You know that one house in every development that looks like it’s under renovations for your entire childhood?  Well, that’ll be Auto Club.  If the NFL can take forever to get SoFi Stadium built, we can take forever to shorten a track.”

Wade refused to say if, like the NFL, Nascar would immediately overload the market in twenty or so years with two races, one of which nobody really wants.



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