Last weekend saw Joey Logano and Denny Hamlin get into post-race pit road scrap, thus giving people something to talk about all week. But what if these two actually went at it mano a mano? Well, here’s the Spade Racing Tale O’ The Tape!
HOMETOWN
Denny Hamlin: Middle of nowhere Virginia
Joey Logano: Middle of Middletown Connecticut
Advantage: Hamlin—hard to be intimidated by someone from “The Nutmeg State”
FAMILY BACKGROUND
Denny Hamlin: Fabrication, metal works, trailer design
Joey Logano: “Waste management”
Advantage: Logano—he might not be strong, but he knows a guy who knows a guy
DISADVANTAGES
Denny Hamlin: Chronic back issues, also lingering shoulder problems
Joey Logano: Eminently punchable face
Advantage: Hamlin—I don’t even MIND Joey and I want to smack him sometimes
FIGHTING TECHNIQUE
Denny Hamlin: Fight for everything never giving up an inch (exception: Tony Stewart)
Joey Logano: Push someone in the shoulder and run away
Advantage: Logano—speaking from experience, this works
FAMOUS FRIENDS
Denny Hamlin: Michael Jordan
Joey Logano: Brad Keselowski
Advantage: Hamlin—nobody wants to fight a man with Charles Oakley a few calls away
TEAMMATES
Denny Hamlin: Two scrawny guys and a dude from Jersey
Joey Logano: Son of a racer, son of a racer, and a son of a billionaire
Advantage: Logano—everyone wants to punch Brad’s teeth in until you realize you have to sacrifice your fist
USEFULNESS OF SPONSOR
Denny Hamlin: Maybe you could mail someone a knockout?
Joey Logano: Coat the floor with oil
Advantage: Logano—slip sliding away