On Saturday I went shopping at my local Target store and found the strangest thing. No, not the Tony Stewart Workout Tape. This:
Yes, its Kellogg's Vrooms cereal. The only cereal endorsed by Scott Dixon, Dario Franchitti, AND Juan Pablo Montoya! Now, I'm not sure if it comes with a miniature Jet-Dryer inside, or if you can mail away for a mediocre Ashley Judd movie, but I'm guessing its the start of a new trend. Just think of the possibilities!
Jeff Burton's Cereal Runners-Up: The perfect cereal for the consumer who contends for the championship in life, but always seems to come up short. WARNING--some product may have expired in 2009. Eating said-expired product may result in side-effect of talking like Ward.
Ol' Five Time's Gray Oatmeal: The boring, calm, consistent choice for the constant winner in your life. Comes complete with five unique shapes: Circle, Sphere, Globe, Round, and Circle. Be sure to sprinkle with Ol' Five Time's Crew Chief Sugar Suprirse, for when you want to CHEAT on your diet.
Start n' Parkers: Some days you wake up at the crack of 11:30am and just don't want to face your customer service job. Well, before you go back to bed, have a full serving (one spoonful) of Start n' Parkers! You'll be calling in sick with a "vibration" in no-time!
Dinger Tablets: The best source of energy in the world!
Kurt Busch's Generic Racing-Based Cereal: Unable to find a distributor to sponsor its development, Kurt has chosen to release this independent cereal through such esteemed retailers as Ames and Jamesway. Promising all the "full-flavored racing-based excitement" of the leading racing-based cereal, its perfect for millionaires who've destroyed their professional lives.
Dillon Brothers' Frosted Cowboy Hats: Young? Successful? Popular? Well, just try some cowboy hats on for size--you'll be looking like an idiot in no time!
Mark Martin's 100% Bran: Perfect for the elderly racer in your family. This will have him "moving" faster than a sponsor leaves Roush Racing!