Brian France Spotted at St. Pete Collecting Debris

While Nascar was running a marathon race at Martinsville this afternoon, chairman Brian France was nowhere to be found.  Nowhere, that is, until he was spotted at the St. Petersburg street course collecting debris for future Cup races.

This baby will cause more cautions
than Robby Gordon

“Hey, don’t tell anyone I’m here”, France was caught telling an IndyCar official shortly after the start of the Firestone Grand Prix of St. Petersburg, “we need some random pieces of metal and carbon fiber to shake up the finishes of our own races—ooh, a winglet!  That’ll do great!”

France appeared to try and disguise himself as a member of the safety crew, wearing a firesuit with the nametag “Frian Brance”.

“Come on, just let me get about a ‘Junior’s about to go a lap down’s worth and I’ll be good to go”, France was heard whispering.  When an official asked why he wasn’t at his own series’ race, he answered “eh, it pretty much runs itself nowadays—they just follow the script like they’re supposed to do.  Besides, I couldn’t find it anywhere on tv.”

France’s appearance nearly went unnoticed, until he was outed on tv by broadcaster Allen Bestwick.

“Oh, and we have another caution, debris all ov—wait a minute, that’s that guy who used to run my old series!  Hey Bri—thanks!  Now I only have to work four days a year!”

France was spotted talking to a race fan upon leaving the track about his future plans.

“Well, I figure I’ll be able to use this stuff next weekend—Jayski says its the Easter Bunny 500!”

Fans at the St. Pete race were unavailable for comment, as they were still arguing about the CART/IRL split.

Martinsville “News” and Notes

—Team Xtreme Racing (aka that team that got their car stolen) is skipping this weekend’s race so they can work on an even lamer name for their team.

ENOUGH with the Dale Jr. updates!

—The big to-do this weekend surrounds allegations of tire tampering, since we’ve reached the point of the season where the teams themselves are starting to get bored.

—Sure, Fox tested a virtual reality system last weekend, but it’s FOX that did it.  Who wants a virtual reality experience of having Darrell Waltrip making lame jokes while you try to race?

—JR Motorsports makes its Truck Series debut on Saturday with Cole Custer.  You just KNOW that media members are hoping he struggles just a bit, so that in his last scheduled race, they can write “Custer’s Last Stand”.

—Remember, Sunday’s Cup race is early, AND is airing on Fox Sports 1, formerly Speed, formerly Speed Channel, formerly SpeedVision, formerly dead air.

Ryan Sieg Named Official Underdog of Nascar

"Let's add some sponsorship
patches to that firesuit!
But not TOO many..."

After years of trying to make it on his own, Xfinity Series driver Ryan Sieg has shown flashes of greatness, competing against Cup-affiliated teams (and drivers) on a regular basis.  While looking for a shot at a top-flight ride, he instead has been given something greater—status as The Official Underdog of Nascar.

“We have seen what Ryan’s been able to do driving his own equipment on a shoe-string budget, and we want him to keep that up for the near future”, said Nascar chairman Brian France in a press release.  “Ryan shows what you can do in this great sport if you have drive, determination, and talent: You can run for the occasional top-10 in the Xfinity Series.  With money and solid sponsorship, all you can do is run in Cup.”

“We’re glad that Nascar has paid attention to our coverage of Ryan this year”, Fox Sports producer John Davis said.  “As The Official Underdog of Nascar, Ryan will continue to be the class of the field—well, the class of his CLASS of the field, mind you.  He won’t be running for wins, or for a Cup-affiliated team, but who needs that when you’re the scrappy feel-good story?”

As The Official Underdog of Nascar, Sieg earns such privileges as at least one celebrity-affiliated quasi-sponsorship a season, a guarantee that his last name is spelled correctly on Jayski, and will be mentioned at least once each telecast for “…having a great run”.  Sieg will also be locked-in to a top-10 finish in points, although he will remain barred from a top-5 finish for the near future.

“We’ve listened to our fans, and they’ve told us what they want”, France’s press release continued.  “What they want is a young, hungry underdog they can root for, and that’s what Ryan Sieg is.  Of course, our data also supports what we’ve known for years—that fans want to see Cup drivers dominate the Xfinity Series as much as possible, with occasional wins by developmental drivers affiliated with Cup teams, so we’ll make sure that we keep Ryan’s race team from getting TOO good.”

Ryan Sieg was unavailable for comment, as he was busy beating his head against a nearby wall.