Nascar Chairman Brian France Furious with ISC Board Member Brian France for Lack of SAFER Barrier at California

"Yeah?  Well at least I'm not Tony George!"

Brian France, the current chairman and main decision-maker for the Nascar sanctioning body, has angrily called out International Speedway Corporation (ISC) for not having adequate SAFER Barriers at California's Auto Club Speedway.  Driver Denny Hamlin was seriously injured upon hitting a concrete wall at the track, an accident France said would have been prevented if ISC's board-members--specifically Brian France--had acted sooner.

Brian France, enemy
of Brian France

"The fact that our premiere racing series is competing on a track without 100% SAFER Barrier coverage is unacceptable", France sternly told reporters assembled at Nascar's Daytona Beach headquarters.  "I've been talking with some of our fans, and its obviously who's at fault here--ISC Board-Member Brian France."

"I mean come on--have you SEEN how much that guy is worth?", France angrily asked about France.  "No wonder he gets to sit on the board of a race-track company despite not having much of any track-management experience.  Oh sure, he managed Tucson Raceway Park.  Come on--I could've managed Tucson Raceway Park!"

Chairman France continued to berate Chair-Member France, at one point holding up the publicity photo of France from the ISC Corporate website.

"Look at this guy--the gelled-up hair.  The bullfrog chin.  That simpering smirk.  You make me SICK."  France then tore the picture in two.

"Listen--I'm just as big a Nascar fan as the rest of you fans.  And as long as I'm chairman of Nascar, I'm going to make sure that chair-members such as Mr. France are held accountable for their lack of action."

France then added, "See, this is why I never sold my Speedway Motorsports Inc. stock".

BREAKING NEWS: Tony Stewart Suspended for Next Week's Race

After his actions post-race at Auto Club Speedway, Nascar has announced that driver/owner Tony Stewart has been barred from Nascar competition for the following week.

"Mr. Stewart's actions were, in a word, not acceptable", said Nascar Chairman/Ke$ha fan Brian France.  "We hold all of our drivers to the highest standards, and we will have no problem keeping Tony out of ALL of Nascar's on-track activities next week."

"What the hell do you think I was mad about?" said an obviously irate Tony Stewart while walking to his hauler.  "The dumb little son of a (female dog) runs us straight into the infield, he wants to (female dog) about everybody else, he's the one who drives like a little (cat), I'm gonna bust his (donkey).  I mean come on--he was driving like ME out there, and I'm a totally hypocritical (donkey)!"

Stewart's suspension is not the first one meted out in recent years by Nascar.  Driver Brad Keselowski was suspended for eight weeks after appearing drunk on camera after last year's race at Homestead.  Similarly, a number of drivers have been preemptively suspended for the week before the Brickyard in anticipation of putting on an incredibly dull race.

"Tony will have to sit at home and think about what he's done", France added.  "Nascar will not tolerate a driver cursing up a storm OR attacking another driver half his size.  Well, come to think of it, Tony might be three-times Joey (Logano)'s size after he gets through with his Easter candy."

France also said that Nascar will be investigating allegations that Joe Gibbs Racing helped Kyle Busch win today's race by changing all the calendars to read "SATURDAY".

California "News" and Notes

--We've seen how the Gen6 car races on a plate track, a flat track, an intermediate track, and a short track, but now we get to see how it does on a BORING track.

--According to BK Racing, the REAL reason why Landon Cassill left the team was that he didn't want to share the 83 & 93 cars with two other drivers.  So instead he shares a ride with ONE other driver at Circle Sport, or Hillman, or LJ Racing, or whatever the heck they're calling the 33 team this year.

--Joe Nemechek is running (or attempting to run) full races this year.  I'm not sure what his sponsor makes or provides, but I can be sure that there's a place, someone named Maddie is involved, and it rocks.

--Carl Long returns to the driver's seat this weekend in the Nationwide Series race.  Now I'm imagining Brian France attempting to shake him down for the fine money.

--It was nice of ISC to name this track (and race, too) after Otto Klubb, famed German racer of the 1950's.