Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Daniel Hemric Revealed as Third Dillon Brother “Dex Dillon”

The mystery of the hiring of Daniel Hemric to run full-time for Richard Childress Racing has been solved, as a week after his signing was announced, team officials have revealed that Hemric is actually the long-long third “Dillon Brother” of Austin and Ty.
“DNA results show that the man currently known as Daniel Hemric is actually Dexter ‘Dex’ Dillon, long-lost younger brother of Austin and Ty”, a team official confirmed in a recent press release.  “We are working diligently to integrate this long lost Childress family member into the family, namely by giving him a job driving for our race team.”
The existence of Dex Dillon had been rumored for years, but the identification of the former Hemric as the long-lost grandson of Richard Childress was still a shock to the racing world.
“We are glad to have Dex coming home to the family, race team, and marketing platform, and will help him gain a whole new fanbase thanks to our Tangential Earnhardt Connection”, the team official continued in the prepared statement.  “We have already provided him with a guaranteed ride for 2017, and will continue to provide for him with a large assortment of cowboy hats.  We will soon begin his face-enlarging procedures as well.”
Dex Dillon becomes the third member of the RCR racing team to have blood relation to the team’s owner, with other drivers Paul Menard and Brendan Gaughan holding rides thanks to their billionaire families.

In related news, Ryan Newman was seen frantically buying Powerball tickets while attempting to forge his birth certificate to read “Shooter Dillon”.